Calling a child ‘naughty’ can traumatise them, say experts
Parents should not call their youngsters ‘naughty’ because it damages their self-confidence, a childcare expert controversially claimed.
Annette Mountford, chief executive of the parenting organisation, Family Links, said that children’s self-esteem is run down by such branding, even if they are behaving badly.
Parents must not shout at their youngsters and should only call their behaviour naughty, rather than saying they are naughty themselves.
They should also stop referring to the “naughty step” – a disciplining technique from TV’s Supernanny – in case their child thinks the word refers to them.
When asked whether she had ever shouted at a child, Mrs Mountford, who has two grown-up daughters, said: “Yes, of course I have, I’m human. But golly you feel awful afterwards.
Damn this type of crap makes me mad!
If parents actually ‘parented’ their kids there would never be any self esteem issues. Instead they rely on the TV and school to bring up their immoral god forsaken little beasts and then wonder why they turn out to be utter bastards!
My goal as a parent is to build my children’s self confidence not their self esteem. I have to mold their character to make socially appropriate choices, not self serving, shortsighted ones. Discipline, even a spanking, is to educate, not punish them. It takes years of consistant application, but the evidence, even the examples in these comments, show the results are promising.
Well, I am totally disagreeing with those that differentiate between:
You are being naughty.
You are naughty.
A small child, probably up to at least six, doesn’t differentiate between the subtle proper English and colloquial. Use either line and the child will automatically associate the admonishment with the act. If they remember the act. Children that age don’t have the language skills to make the distinction. In fact, I also think the word naughty has different connotation in the US then it does in Britain.
So say they are bad all you want when they do something wrong. To them, the act and admonishment are one and the same. Then, when the child does do something right, make sure they receive an equal amount of praise and physical reward. The positive enforcement is much more powerful a motivator then the negative is.
Angel, what you suggest is just plain abuse. There is no humor in abuse. I recall you posting the same reply several times about children. If this gives you pleasure then you are a sick phuk. If you were brought up this way, then seek help, it is never too late.
I never criticize my kid who is going on 5 years old. My role as a father is to TEACH, protect and be available when he needs help or has a question about life. I never tell him no. He is not spoiled. He shares all the time. He’s also been with other kids since he was two so he’s been socializing for three years. This is the most important factor in raising kids. They need their own time with their peers. I’ve hit him on two occasions. One time when he was angry he threw a bottle at my face. I whacked him really hard across his face. Another time in the playground he came over to me to get me to play wiffle ball with me and he tossed the ball in my face. I got really upset with him and scolded him. After not answering when I asked him why he hit me, I took the next measure which was to take the wiffle ball and hit him across the face with it. He wailed for ten seconds after which he finally said “I’m sorry”. Ten more seconds later he stopped crying and said that he was thirsty. I told him that we would get something at the bodega, and he lightened up instantly as if nothing had happened. I remember what a Buddhist monk once told me: if you don’t respect a person, you can’t learn anything from that person. So far I have to say I am doing a great job (actually his mom deserves 80% of the credit). That kid is never unhappy. NEVER. I can’t understand how someone could be joyous from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed. Damn it. That kid is 99% happy 99% of the time. And his energy, man, if I could tap that, the world’s energy problems would be resolved.
tallwookie -
The word “naughty” has dropped out of common usage in the USA. But it’s still used in England, where the article was written.
Mr. Fusion… Your posts are very well-thought-out, but the word you’re looking for in almost all of them is “THAN.”
0113addiv – I know you’re making up all of your posts here, but I can’t understand why. Are you trying to be humorous? If so, you’re failing badly, or else the comedy is just beyond anyone here.
Also, was your wife one of the women that you tricked into bed with the “levitation” maneuver you spouted in another post? Also, is she 12 or 13 as you said before you would like to date 12 or 13 year olds.
What my wife and i did was create a charactor.
Stupid Steve.
So anytime my kids were being bad or what ever i would tell them
“you and steve have a lot in common right now:”
“dont be like steve.”
The idea was to point out to them that they were being a idiot, but not call them that.
Maybe not the best way to do it but our kids responded to it well and my oldest (10) now jokes and says that she has had “steve moments”
This is part of the reason why america has gone the tube in some respects, becuase we are to scared to discipline our children.
I wonder how many of the people who reacted to this in anger were naughty kids…
True Story – My wife teaches children dance, and a parent withdrew her child becuase she overheard on of the teachers tell the children “Not to be naughty”. The mother stated “We don’t use that kind of language in our house…”
Now that i think of it, maybe it isnt such a good word. Now that i think of the connentations.
#26, Mr G.P
Thank you. I appreciate the correction. All my life my spelling was atrocious and grammar just as bad. It has only been since “spell check” that I can create a sentence without mistakes. And, even though my grammar has improved too, as you point out, it still needs improvement.
Thank you again.
#31, good point.
It reminds me of a question I heard years ago. What is the difference between a juvenile delinquent and a rambunctious child? It depends upon whether you are the parent.
Every mother thinks their child is really a good kid, just misunderstood. Every neighbor can tell you with certainty that the same kid belongs in juvenile hall.
Hmm – My parents never made the distinction. I’m not screwed up. Neither is my sister, or my wife, or … well, you get the picture. I also rode my bike without a helmet. My parents were horrible, weren’t they?
#28 What my wife and i did was create a charactor.
Stupid Steve.
So anytime my kids were being bad or what ever i would tell them
“you and steve have a lot in common right now:”
“dont be like steve.”
HEY… SCREW YOU MAN!
#31 True Story – My wife teaches children dance, and a parent withdrew her child becuase she overheard on of the teachers tell the children “Not to be naughty”. The mother stated “We don’t use that kind of language in our house…”
Comment by Chris — 10/18/2006 @ 5:45 am
Is there any chance that the language she was refering to was English? That is a delightful story and I hope “foul mouthed” didn’t get any flack over it.
More PC idiocy in the schools:
Some School Districts Ban ‘Tag’
Well, lets see…the kids I remember from childhood who’s parents ALWAYS called them “evil” “bad” “naughty” and “would end up in prison”…among other defining terms….all ended up IN JAIL!!! They turned from sweet kids to 7/11 store robbers, bums, drug addicts and cretins. I lost touch with them years ago. The kids who were beaten to within an inch of their lives became wife beaters and/or beaten wives (go figure?!!), totally bum boozers, and/or have since dropped out of society. The kids who’s parents alternated between beatings and talking to’s have done moderately ok. Some have had years of counseling, and a few failed marriages. Most have had major bouts of depression and flirting with drink and drugs. But, overall, they did — a cautionary — “alright”. The kids who’s parents talked to them, reasoned with them, were consistent and tried to listen to them…have all ended up doing well in life. Very well indeed.
The less “baggage” you inflict, the less kids need to overcome later in life. Recovery from childhood takes a lot of time and energy better spent on being an adult, and getting on with one’s life.
As for all the “I was spanked, beaten, yelled at…all the time..and I turned out okay” is denial. Did you REALLY do as well as you could have done if your parents opted for a different route of parenting?
It is EASY to hit kids and call them names. Parenting them takes a little more work.
I dunno…this is after 50 years of study…..I’d say