Calling a child ‘naughty’ can traumatise them, say experts
Parents should not call their youngsters ‘naughty’ because it damages their self-confidence, a childcare expert controversially claimed.
Annette Mountford, chief executive of the parenting organisation, Family Links, said that children’s self-esteem is run down by such branding, even if they are behaving badly.
Parents must not shout at their youngsters and should only call their behaviour naughty, rather than saying they are naughty themselves.
They should also stop referring to the “naughty step” – a disciplining technique from TV’s Supernanny – in case their child thinks the word refers to them.
When asked whether she had ever shouted at a child, Mrs Mountford, who has two grown-up daughters, said: “Yes, of course I have, I’m human. But golly you feel awful afterwards.
Ok..enough of this bullshit.
When I was growing up, when I was being a little idiot my dad would pop me (not hard) on the back of the head and told me I was being a little idiot. I changed my behavior. When I did something REALLY bad, I’d get a spanking.
Now I have a kid, whom I’ve never hit…not once. But I swear sometimes you get really frustrated and now you start second-guessing yourself because you don’t want to traumatize or screw the kid up…yet I look back at my childhood and think to myself that every time I got into trouble or my parents yelled at me or my dad called me a brain-damaged moron…I deserved it. At the time I WAS a brain-damaged moron. He didn’t drill it into me, he just said it and we all went on with out lives…knowing that I would eventually screw up again. Either my dad would laugh his ass off and then call me a moron or not, I had a pretty happy childhood.
But now we have “if you say your child is naughty it will scare them for life”. What gives? Who’s right and who’s wrong?
1. Tis true. I went to Catholic school, yup, got the scars to prove it. We had the highest rate of college graduates in the small Southern town (one Catholic school for 250,000 people), that I lived. When the nuns got upset and went beserk, we ALWAYS deserved it. Did it stop us from being “naughty”? Of course not. Quit pampering the little monsters. And quit giving them drugs needlessly. Thats what screws them up.
Uhh… riiiiight…. I seriously doubt calling a kid “naughty” would matter. Unless you did it on a regular bases.
“But golly, you feel awfull afterwards.”
What an ass. Spare the rod spoil the child.
I think a strong line can be drawn between “wimpy” parents and “spare the rod…” punishers. Discipline has more to do with being consistent than with being violent.
who the hell actually uses the word “naughty”??!!?!???
jebus
Yay! It’s come full circle finally! I remember when we weren’t supposed to say ‘no’ to our kids because it would damage them. No one else remembers that fad when I ask around. Now its here again. I look forward to telling all these people to shut up after I yell ‘no’ at my kid.
There are so many parenting techniques out there each year. Most of them aren’t bad or good. The real trick is what Smartalix pointed out, just be consistent. If you are consistenly an ass to your kid, your kid will be an ass to others. At my house we have fun, but we follow the rules. If you want your kids to grow up like you, raise them how you were raised. If you want them to grow up strange and kooky, raise them strange and kooky.
Somewhere among the “parenting 101″ classes (or maybe among a couple dozen Spock etc books) I took/read 15 years ago, was a distinction that went something like this:
You are being naughty.
You are naughty.
The first inducates that the thing being done is bad. This is OK. The second indicates the kid is bad. This is NOT OK. That’s a fine distinction, but it makes perfect sense.
Hurrah for Olo Baggins! who is the only poster to actually understand the point being made by Annette Mountford.
And is it so fine of a distinction? Only if you are a willful idiot. Here’s a quote from the linked article:
Parents should say: “What you have done is very naughty, I don’t like the way you behaved” but not that ‘you are naughty’. “It’s a very different message and very bad for a child’s self confidence and self esteem,” she said.
Will the first couple of posters like to retract their knee-jerk (and misdirected) disagreements?
If I ever have kids — So help me I’m going to have social service at my place real fast, not because of me but because of society.
I have no problem with hitting a kid in the store.
I remembre this one time I mouthed off in the store when I wanted Ken Griffy Jr Baseball for the SNES [yes that long ago] , and my dad gave me a good WHACK. Never again did I do that crap in public
9. I wasnt talking about a distinction of being told I was naughty or actually being naughty. We were told to bend over a trash can while a nun whacked us with a board on our bare ass. We turned out just fine, not a serial killer in the bunch. (at least as far as I know), I think people are way too sensitive about this crap.
But then maybe I’m a willful idiot.
First two posters are RIGHT ON.
Who the hell calls their children ‘naughty’ anyway? Who even uses such a word in reference to a child’s behavior?
I raised three children. Had to spank my daughter one time when she was three, it was a token spanking done out of love, not anger. She is 20 now and remembers the incident. She says that what hurt was not the spanking, but the fact that she disappointed me.
All three are free, employed, and doing well, so maybe, just maybe, I did OK as a parent.
Naughty: suggestive of sexual impropriety; “a blue movie”; “blue jokes”; “he skips asterisks and gives you the gamy details”; “a juicy scandal”; “a naughty wink”; “naughty words”; “racy anecdotes”; “a risqué story”; “spicy gossip”
I would never use such a word in reference to a child. The author of the article, which I did read, is obviously in serous need of education and to stop watching stupid ass so called reality television.
But Mark, do you now have an unnatural aversion to nuns? lol
And Bryan, be careful about that. You’ll quickly find yourself guilty and attempting to prove your innocence by answering their primary question: How long have you been beating your kids? Heck, as a coach I had to tell some teachers that “Matt” did indeed get hit in the eye with a baseball at practice…they were about to accuse the parents of something.
Whaap, any adjective on this list fits the story:
13. Yes, but its no worse than my natural aversion to nuns.
You are being naughty.
You are naughty.
The first inducates that the thing being done is bad. This is OK. The second indicates the kid is bad. This is NOT OK. That’s a fine distinction, but it makes perfect sense.
Like the Christian (NOT Xian) cluche to “hate the sin and love the sinner”
J/P=?
#15…Mark….it could be worse…..you could have an attraction TO Nuns with paddles.
17. Just glad it wasnt a priest paddling me, now that may have screwed me up.
#9 – Will the first couple of posters like to retract their knee-jerk (and misdirected) disagreements?
Comment by bquady — 10/17/2006 @ 11:52 am
They most certainly do not… Expert advice is no substitute for whatever dysfunctional bullshit you learned growing up
By the way, I understood the distinction, I just didn’t care because I think kids are a glorious waste of time. But really, this ain’t child psychology. It’s English grammer, and I say a command of the language is more important than self-esteem any day of the week.
If you have trouble with your children, take them on a “tourist” trip to Honduras, lock yourselves in a room with them and spank them ’till your palms bleed.