“Sorry, she’s not blonde”

Horny orangutan likes wrong species

A sexually confused orangutan in the Netherlands is frustrating his keepers by refusing to mate with female orangutans – because he is only sexually interested in blonde, tattooed humans.

Apenheul Primate Park hoped the orangutan, named Sibu, would become its breeding male when he arrived two years ago – but it seems orangutans aren’t his type.

‘He chases them, or ignores them, but he doesn’t do what he should do,’ said a spokeswoman for the park.

Instead, Sibu fancies his female keepers, especially blondes. This is fairly common for orangutans, the spokeswoman said, but Sibu has an additional fetish for tattoos.

It’s thought this preference harks back to a heavily tattooed keeper who reared him.

‘Orangutans have special interests in special subjects. Sibu happens to like tattoos,’ she said.

The park hasn’t given up on Sibu, 31. He showed an amorous interest in a female orangutan while previously living in England, and keepers hope he will find love when reunited with her in a new enclosure in Chester.



  1. Awake says:

    - Mister Mustard -
    Just face it, the server hates you.It see you connecting and it spews bad crappola intentionally.
    Since it works fine for the rest of us, that is the only logical explanation… the server hates you. It’s your fault.

  2. hhopper says:

    Pipe down MM. Don’t get all pissy. It’s worse for us when we’re trying to post stories.

  3. Ben Waymark says:

    #3 Mister Mustard: And who knows what kind of STDs the poor thing would get from fucking a girl with tats?

    I have been reliably informed that the STDs are exactly the same regardless of whether or not the girl has Tats.

    #18 Pedro thank god not many people use safari, otherwise it would be an even bigger problem

    Awww…. I like Safari, especially on Windows…. reminds me of a teenager’s little brother trying to act all grown up…

    #18 The word on the street (paved with gold) is that people on this site are often skeptical of his existence.

    Actually, God thinks you guys all rocks. He has a bit of a soft spot for atheists… especially well thought out ones. He does, however, bring down the site every once and a while because he reckons that you’ll never really be able to choose to visit the site on your own free will if your don’t experience what its like to not be able to visit the site every once and while. Never quite understood what he is on about in that regard, but there you go.

  4. Angel H. Wong says:

    #2

    “I want to see peta defend the bestiality rights.”

    Actually they will say that the poor thing has suffered irreparable damage and should be killed just to save the species.

  5. ECA says:

    I think the server was down for about 6 hours Early this morning…

    On with the comments…

    You got WHAT between your legs???

    Its that a banana, or do you REALLy like me?

  6. pedro says:

    #24 but it wants her! Won’t peta listen to the monkey?

  7. John Paradox says:

    Won’t peta listen to the monkey?
    Comment by pedro

    Remember, an Orangutang is an APE, not monkey.
    Readers of the DISCWORLD series knows what can happen (The Librarian) calling them a ‘monkey’.

    J/P=?

  8. Angel H. Wong says:

    #26

    PeTA is famous for thinking that the best “humane” treatmen an animal can have is killing it.

  9. pedro says:

    #27 will they go ape or bananas?

  10. Anonymous Coward says:

    They need to spank that monkey.

  11. 888 says:

    What is the problem, the zoo can’t afford to buy him blondie tattooed hooker once a while or what? I don’t understand.
    They keep poor MALE ape in a cages, they should pay for bitches of *his* choice, obviously. Its not like he is a human male, he is not going to shut up and do what his bitches tell him to do… err, I mean he don’t like unshaved fat ugly oragnutan females, he prefers white trash in blonde – and those are cheap and easy to get by the dozens, so really, what is the problem? Where is PETA?!