So when I heard that Sony-BMG was finally dumping DRM and was releasing MP3s I was shocked. But I assumed Sony in their infinite wisdom would find some way to screw it up. Unfortunately, I was right.

Speaking of Sony BMG, the music label confirmed today that it is, indeed, planning to dip its toes into DRM-free waters, albeit via carefully-controlled experimentation. The label told USA Today that it will begin selling gift cards in select brick-and-mortar stores on January 15 for $12.99 that will be redeemable at its planned online music store, MusicPass. Through the “Platinum MusicPass” part of the service customers will be able to select from 37 albums available without DRM.

First, you should never have to follow a convoluted procedure to buy an MP3 on the internet. It has to be easier than P2P or it’s toast.

Second, you should NEVER have to leave your house and drive somewhere to buy MP3s on the net. Never. Ever. God, that’s just a given.

Third, I’m sure glad Sony doesn’t run my local pizza parlor:

“You want a pizza delivered to your house? What are you crazy? Get a pen, you’re gonna want to write this down.

First, you have to leave your house, drive across town and buy a gift card. No, you can’t buy one over the phone, you have to drive across town. And you can’t pay for just one pizza at a time. You have to pay for three pizzas at a time. Yeah, you heard me.

Second, you then have to go back home and create an account on our PizzaPass website. Make sure you sign up for the Platinum version or you’re screwed.

Third, you can now choose between three toppings. One of which is anchovies. Yeah, only three toppings. Maybe we’ll add more, maybe we won’t. Go screw yourself or I’ll come to your house and stab you with a fork.”