If you crank up your mega-watt car stereo or boom box in Fort Lupton, Colorado, and exceed the city’s noise limits, you could be faced with a punishment that some could construe as torture. Or possibly cruel and unusual punishment.
Of course, that depends on your particular demographic category. You see, the city’s judge, Paul Sacco, applies the strict punishment about four times a year to those noise offenders. It’s the punishment fitting the crime, according to the judge. The crowded courtroom usually consists of young adult offenders, and they are subjected to one solid mind-numbing hour of musical selections by the likes of Barry Manilow, Dolly Parton, the Carpenters, and my favorite, Barney! Ha ha! I can just picture the young punks squirming in their seats, their faces grimacing and wincing as they try not to listen to the musical hit parade provided by Judge Sacco.
During the full hour of this grueling punishment, they are not allowed to chew gum, eat, drink, read or even sleep. I don’t know if one hour is sufficient, though. When one has to listen to some pinhead booming his crap that passes for music at 2,000 watts of power through giant bass woofers, I would suggest that a full day of listening to whatever they hate would be more appropriate.
I’m not that old that I don’t enjoy my music loud, but when a car pulls up next to you and your teeth start to rattle, it cant be healthy.
The cure for taking “Oh Mandy” out of your mind is another one of my favorites!
Row Row Row your boat gently down the stream…
Row Row Row you boat…
Your welcome!
A good item to bookmark. In a few years, when reminding Obama supporters of their sins, this will serve as a good reeducation tool.
what if i was blasting those tunes.
Oh this is rich! Personally, I’ve always considered the music of Barry Manilow to be suitable for torture. And not here’s proof that I wasn’t alone. The worst has to be his Copacabana tune (“At the Copa”). And I’ve heard many of his tunes used as jingles, before then became hits. So I’ve always thought of his as the jingle writer who went Platinum. But then during the Disco era, nearly anything could.
Now as for the Carpenters, I wouldn’t too much of a problem listening to them. So I guess they’d use good olde Barry to torture me. And I’d bite my own head off. Dolly isn’t so bad either, just a might high pitched. I think Maria Carey would bother me much more.
#24 – Ole Barry DID start out as a jingle writer (is that a jingoist? No? Oh, well.) In fact, he’s responsible for, “You deserve a break today…”?
Real torture would be a month of bad Cowboy karaoke. But, hey, listening to anything at those volume levels for any length of time is a sure fire method of acquiring permanent hearing loss. One major reason I don’t go to concerts much anymore.
Slim Whitman, nuff said.
this is exactly the kind of punishment that will make these kids understand why they’re being punished.
i think it’s awesome. we need more creative ways to punish non-violent offenders
#27 Cap’n Crunch – “Slim Whitman, nuff said.”
Not exactly, I believe the last word would be “Boxcar Willie”