Virtual Sex Is Coming Now

Published on January 13th, 2009

Posted by KD Martin in General, Technology, computers

Courtesy Visual Paradox

Virtual sex – just a computer away (and high speed USB)

While nearby porn stars autographed action photos and flashed their assets for camera-clutching fans at the annual Las Vegas Adult Entertainment Expo, Brett Drysdale discretely demonstrated “the newest breakthrough in sex technology.”

He slipped two fingers into a rocket-shaped RealTouch device “developed and tested by a former NASA engineer” which contains belts, lubrication jets, heating elements and other gadgetry programmed to give men the feeling of sex.

RealTouch devices connect to computers with USB cables and synchronize with adult movies streamed online so the inner workings replicate what a fellow might be feeling were he to be the man in the film.

The device works with video from an online RealTouch “theater” at a price of one dollar per minute. RealTouch is priced at 150 dollars and begins selling in the US in February.

Why not just visit Las Vegas? In nearby counties, the “real thing” is available at less than $1 per minute. And how do you explain to tech support that…

24 users responded in " Virtual Sex Is Coming Now "

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# 1 ubiquitous talking head said, on January 13th, 2009 at 5:27 am

$1 a minute?

I thought it was more like $1,000 for a half-hour.

# 2 bobbo said, on January 13th, 2009 at 5:29 am

One Dollar a minute? $30 a half, $60 for around the world?

Not even tech support at Best Buy can be had at that rate.

Must be for some other finger job.

# 3 Ah_Yea said, on January 13th, 2009 at 5:40 am

Is this the perfect “stocking stuffer” for guys who really, really, really can’t get the real thing?

# 4 GregA said, on January 13th, 2009 at 5:49 am

#1,

That is if you are governor and fail at looking in the phonebook under “escort”. The going rate for non-governors outcall is $200 an hour. Just realize that even high end $200 an hour hookers are still really really skanky.

I have no idea where you find the non skanky hookers…

# 5 Named said, on January 13th, 2009 at 5:54 am

Meh. THis is old tech. I’m waiting for the kind of action that Demolition Man demonstrated. That, plus Internet action = the Matrix fuel pods. What the hell else are teenagers going to be doing except jacking in 24/7?

# 6 bobbo said, on January 13th, 2009 at 5:54 am

#4–In Church.

# 7 Named said, on January 13th, 2009 at 6:14 am

non-skanky hooker… Is it possible?

# 8 FergatROn said, on January 13th, 2009 at 6:26 am

Well, technology sure has come a long way… from bulky UNIVAC machines to tiny USB devices dishing out sensational hand jobs for only $1/minute. What gets me is the device already costs $150 – then you have to go and pay per use. So far, the virtual sex market is a total rip off.

# 9 Mister Mustard said, on January 13th, 2009 at 6:36 am

Hey, this story was featured in the Chicago Sun-Times!

http://tinyurl.com/9hsb52

Now THIS is the kind of stuff they specialize in…none of that hokey “espressogate” nonsense! They really had to stretch it to make a sufficiently sensational story about coffee machines.

# 10 John E. Quantum said, on January 13th, 2009 at 6:44 am

I remember an article in Wired a while ago-
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/sexdrive/2004/09/65064

Maybe the Sinulator can be hooked up and mated with the RealTouch device for some hot bot-on-bot action. Probably will result in a BSOD

# 11 Fergy said, on January 13th, 2009 at 7:47 am

Maybe the NASA engineer was doing this with thoughts of his buddies living in space. If you had to live in space for months at a time, you may be considering that this is a good thing. Furtheremore, NASA (taxpayers) would be footing the bill.

# 12 Ron Larson said, on January 13th, 2009 at 7:47 am

Scott Adams (of Dilbert) predicts that when virtual sex is perfected it will be the end of our species.

# 13 The Warden said, on January 13th, 2009 at 8:44 am

This device is revolutionary. Finally a device that will actually make women change their bitchy behavior otherwise because men now have a cheap alternative to their wares!

# 14 chuck said, on January 13th, 2009 at 9:11 am

I’m typing this with just one hand.

# 15 Paul said, on January 13th, 2009 at 9:48 am

Or develop the memory recording device from “Brainstorm”, then teach users how to splice their own sex tapes for the ultimate orgasmic experience.

# 16 Common_Sense said, on January 13th, 2009 at 9:49 am

Look, I’m on board with the inherent appeal of on-demand satisfaction and all that, but is anyone else disturbed at the idea of “belts, lubrication jets, heating elements and other gadgetry” being in control of “mister winkie”? (with apologies to Ace Ventura)

I was sort of hoping that this would end up being a thread full of continuations of the line “And how do you explain to tech support that…”

… that “coffee” was spilled on the USB port.

… that you were billed for 8 hours of time after falling asleep immediately after without logging off.

… that you thought “logging off” was some new euphemism.

… that your lawyer will be suing for failure to amortize the costs of divorce into the per-minute costs.

… that you can’t quite summon the right words but you want somehow to tell them that “the machine ate my quarter”.

# 17 Rich said, on January 13th, 2009 at 10:14 am

I don’t care if she’s like electric blue or even wireframe, I’m really desperate. Would the early versions be a “beta”, a “clinical trial”? Sign me up.

# 18 KD Martin said, on January 13th, 2009 at 10:36 am

#16, Common_Sense,

Excellent explanations for tech support!

“The USB jack keeps coming off, or vice-versa”

“The hoses and belts continue to come off the pulleys more than I do”

“Why is this thing ‘rocket shaped’?”

“The lubrication keeps setting off the smoke detector”

“The recent driver update causes premature, er, defragulation”

# 19 Angel H. Wong said, on January 13th, 2009 at 11:08 am

Apple’s version is three times more expensive because instead of being packaged in a brown box it’s packaged in a day-glo nylon casing.

# 20 James Hill said, on January 13th, 2009 at 11:09 am

Virtual sex is what now?

And if its virtual, shouldn’t it be able to do that multiple times, or is that Version 2.0?

# 21 NaughtyReviews said, on January 13th, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Y’know…sometimes there’s just no substitute for the real thing. Plus think how embarrassing it would be to be caught in the act with all those attachments on ya.

# 22 reeljerc said, on January 13th, 2009 at 4:17 pm

Are they selling stock?

# 23 BigBoyBC said, on January 13th, 2009 at 4:41 pm

What’s it’s carbon footprint?

# 24 Deep-Thought said, on January 14th, 2009 at 8:47 am

150$ for the device? Ok
Chargend by every minute? No!

As KD says. The real thing is cheaper. 1$ per minute is entry level but probably still much better than the sucking contraption.

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