The government of Illinois, an an obvious attempt to distract America from Blagojevich’s hair, has declared that Pluto is a planet.
RESOLVED, BY THE SENATE OF THE NINETY-SIXTH GENERAL ASSEMBLY OF THE STATE OF ILLINOIS, that as Pluto passes overhead through Illinois’ night skies, that it be reestablished with full planetary status, and that March 13, 2009 be declared “Pluto Day” in the State of Illinois in honor of the date its discovery was announced in 1930.
Thank heavens — so to speak — Pluto doesn’t pass over any other states. That could propagate a Constitutional crisis.
So what would drive the government of a state to go out of its way to do such a ridiculous thing?
WHEREAS, Clyde Tombaugh, discoverer of the planet Pluto, was born on a farm near the Illinois community of Streator
Oh, right, misplaced local pride. They obviously didn’t planet that way. They should have nixed the whole idea.
But OK then, surely they wouldn’t say anything else that brazenly dumb in the resolution, right?
WHEREAS, Dr. Tombaugh is so far the only Illinoisan and only American to ever discover a planet; and
Uh, Illinois legislators. Psssst! Americans have discovered hundreds of planets.
Those stupid scientists going and reclassifying Pluto to be a non-planet using things like facts and data and stuff. We’ll show ’em!