 Click pic to embiggen and assume a new position to be screwed |
For some reason, this reminds me of the speech in the genius Coen brothers film, The Hudsucker Proxy:
You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it’s a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o’clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you!
Personally I like it when the airlines screw people with these extra fees.
It almost makes up for the fact it takes 30 minutes to board and offload the plane because the rest of you slow and fat fuckers take so damn long to get up out of your seats and get all your crap.
I pack light, board quick, exit fast and my wet dream of airline travel would be an airline that only allowed people like myself on it.
1. and you know why I drive..
2. look at the map..Central USA empty, ORE/Wash/IDAHO EMPTY..
It used to be that MOST planes were cargo, and the passengers were EXTRA, to fill room.
whats happened?
You could play the race card and say that hispanics, blacks and asians are to blame because every time they travel they have to carry 3 or 4 bags each.
I love Southwest airlines. Cheapest airfares, lowest fees, zero deaths (except that poor child in Chicago who got hit by the plane that overran the runway).
#2 – Federal Express is what happened.
Airlines, like the railroads before them, made most of their profit routing mail for the postal service. Once FedEx came along and provided a higher level of service (along with fax machines), they lost a major part of their revenue.
What I don’t understand is what they are doing with all that empty space in the cargo holds. Up until they started charging for it, I always checked luggage. It was just easier. I usually take direct flights, so loosing luggage usually isn’t an issue. Since they started charging, I just carry the bag on (it is within the size of the carry on limits). Judging by what I’ve seen, most people do the same thing. There’s likely a cargo hold sitting empty.
And they wonder why air traffic is off !!! Maroons !!!
“A cup of coffee, please.”
- That’ll be seventy five cents. Would you like a cup with that?
“What?”
- A cup. Would you like the optional cup?
“Of course, I want a cup.”
- Excellent. That’ll be ninety cents, sir.
“Sure, sure. Where’s the cream?”
- Cream? Right here, sir. That’s a dollar twenty. total.
“What the…? What are all these ‘options’?”
- Well, sir, as you know, the price of energy has gone down so we needed to add these extra fees to make up for it.
“Huh?”
- Would you like a spoon to stir your coffee? Dollar forty five, please.
“I’m afraid to ask, how much for sugar?”
- First packet is free, sir.
“But these packettes are so much smaller than they used to be! I’ll need two.”
- Very good, sir. That’ll be a dollar seventy eight. OH! You took a napkin? Two dollars, even.
“How come all the seats are so close together?”
- We do have some roomier tables in the front of the shop.
“Okay. I guess I’ll sit there.”
- $3 surcharge, sir.
“What???W
- But you get a free Wi-Fi connection
“Oh, all right.”
- How much data will be using, sir?
“Huh?”
- While the connection is free, we do charge for the actual data you use. One megabyte start at only a dollar ninety nine and each kilobyte after that is only a penny.
“Forget it! I’ll just take my coffee to go.”
- Very good, sir. One disposable cup surcharge at…
What I’ve never figured out is why it takes 30 minutes to check in. I wait there in line and watch these people as the ticket agent types furiously for 30 minutes. I don’t get it. They have already bought their ticket. They know where they want to go. They know when they need to go. Yet somehow the agent has to work with the computer for half and hour.
Are they taking out a mortgage? Do that many people change all their travel arrangements when they arrive? You buy a ticket ahead of time is it just a scam and they actually find you a set when you arrive at the airport?
# 7 FTW
The modern Citizen is so used to getting screwed he is too foolish to realize this. Even the Airline industry is becoming like the phone company..make up a new charge and pass it on.. soon I am sure they will charge you for the seat belt?… de-regulation has done more harm then good. Try to purchase a tkt to Bangor Maine from Boston.. Its over priced by hundreds but I can get to florida for a few dollars.. silly.. So in the first time in my life, I took the BUS. And I work for an Airline!!!
#1 & #3 Not to mention making a queue 15 minutes before the plane starts boarding regardless of the plane being boarded by row number.
You gotta see how it is in Spain. It’s hilarious! They make the abovementioned queue and then when the row number being boarded is mentioned, the queue morphs into a UN food aid mob in front of the gate.
Last time, a “patron” blamed it on the airline employee in charge of the boarding because “The queue was destroyed by your boading announcement”. And I always wondered where that latin american mania of blaming others for their faults came from.
I really love civilization now. Stop the world, I wanna get out!
BTW, I see you love what’s going on in Honduras, Angel. Good for you.
#5 I don’t know about you, but this “security” measures have destroyed the posibility of hand luggage only for me. I hate to go shopping for mouthwash and anything liquid in my luggage everytime I have to fly.
#4, Yeah, Southwest is okay — you can change your itinerary without those exorbitant fees — but their routes are limited. And #8, brilliant! I was getting on an international flight a few days ago and all I had to do was show my passport. In the meantime, there’s the agent, staring at a monitor with furrowed brow, typing like she was writing “War and Peace”. WTF?
In sum: Screw the airlines. Let’s let foreign carriers fly domestic routes and see how long US airlines stay in business.
#11 Pedro;
“BTW, I see you love what’s going on in Honduras, Angel. Good for you.”
Of course I love it, finally someone had the balls to kick one of Chavez’ pawns off the throne; unfortunately the heads of state from all over the world are demanding to put back the pawn on its place. Methinks they are now Chavez’ bitches and are backing him just because of the oil.
#13 Insulza sure is in his payroll. What a sad character he is. And to think he’s being groomed to be Chile’s next president. Honduras should hold elections as soon as possible to heed this thread from afar. They also have to be on the lookout for foregin agent saboteurs that will be thrown in there for sure.
I meant threat
Well, general elections are going to be held on November 29th as planned. What’s ironic is that apart from Homosexuality, this coup seems to be another thing that can make both Evangelicals and Catholic join forces.