In the picturesque Swiss village of Lauterbrunnen, the locals are worried. Dozens of alpine cows appear to be committing suicide by throwing themselves off a cliff near the small village in the Alps. In the space of just three days, 28 cows and bulls have mysteriously died after they plunged hundreds of metres to rocks below where they were killed instantly. In each case, local mountain rescue services using a helicopter had to be called in to remove the bodies because of the danger to the local groundwater of pollution.

A police spokesman said: ‘There are no large carnivores living in the Alps anymore who would once have disposed of the bodies so they have to be moved. ‘We are investigating because cows growing up in the mountains normally can estimate dangers and do not plunge down cliffs.’

According to local reports, there had been violent thunderstorms in the area which may well have spooked the animals. Cows wandering at high altitude are a common sight across much of the Alps, where farmers let them loose to graze on the green plateaus above the villages. Often carrying large bells around their necks, most are dairy cows as the mix of vegetation and grasses at that high altitude are particularly good for milk and for making cheese.

Cows do occasionally fall to their deaths in these Alpine regions although it is rare for so many to fall in one particular place.

There has been speculation in the past that when this does happen it is because a tightly-grouped number have followed each other as they search for more grass.

Perhaps the answer is to move them to California, and yes it is a slow news day.

  1. Ah_Yea says:

    Maybe that colony of Lemmings right next door had something to do with this…

  2. Jägermeister says:

    #1 – Ah_Yea

    Perhaps there’s some crazy Swiss scientist who mixed in some lemming genes, just to speed up the slow moving cows. It just happened to have a slight side-effect

  3. Sister Mary Hand Grenade of Quiet Reflection says:

    They were visited by Jehovah’s Witnesses.

  4. Ah_Yea says:

    Jägermeister, Three parent cows! Mom, Dad, and uncle Lemming!

  5. Satman says:

    This is a very moooving story.
    It behooves to find the cause
    sad cow disease?
    It was reported they were rather moooody.
    No there must be an udder reason…
    perhaps they thought the grass was greener on the other side
    an obvious missteak 0n their part.

  6. Jägermeister says:

    #4 – Ah_Yea

    LOL – I’m sure we’re going to see some weird DNA mixing in the future.

  7. Sigma says:

    Not sure how to submit this to you guys, but here: http://www.snopes.com/photos/odd/searsgrill.asp

  8. TripHamer says:

    I guess at the very least, you could probably still eat them if you get the body soon enough. 🙂

  9. Glenn E. says:

    Cow tipping gone very wrong, I’ll bet.

    Slow news day. Well how about this? This was to be Michael Jackson’s 51st birthday (had he lived). And it’s been over two months since he died, and they still haven’t buried him. They were kind of holding off until his birthday, on the 29th of August. But back on the 22nd, the family changed their minds and postponed it until the 31st. Then postponed it again, until Sept 3. But no reason was given. However….

    Just three days after the 22nd announced postponement, Ted Kennedy died. And his burial was scheduled for, you guessed it, August 29th. It’s almost as if something was known, in advance. And we can’t have two high profile burials, at the very same time, can we? It might confuse the American public. Or even cause them to throw themselves off the nearest Alpine cliff (Ha, I tied into the 1st story) out of grief.

    I can’t find anything significant about Sept. 3rd, to pick that day after two month. Maybe some recording contracts run out by then. It does seem like they were holding off until MJ’s death was ruled a homicide. One wonders why this mattered, to hold up the burial?

  10. deowll says:

    Most likely dogs are chasing them. This a common problem and one major reason farmers need rifles.

    The dog owners will of course swear on anything you might think of that their pets wouldn’t do something like that but they’re full of it.

  11. Dallas says:

    #3 LOL

  12. Jägermeister says:



  13. Weary Reaper says:

    I believe the cows left a communal suicide note:

    We have these big bells attached to our necks, we can’t remove them and we can no longer stand the constant clanking noise.

    I hope I land on a car with lots of fucking humans in it.

  14. Gary, the dangerous infidel says:

    The local Catholic faithful have already contacted the Vatican to make an official report of the “Miracle of Beef Falling from Heaven.”


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