For those of you who miss the “old” GM

Published on October 21st, 2009

A Russian armoured-car builder is boasting that its latest vehicle has seats covered with “whale-penis leather”.

The $1.6 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armoured car has been developed by the same company, RussoBaltique, that built armoured vehicles for Tsar Nicholas, Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky.

On its official website, the company says the whale-penis leather is the same as that used by Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis on the yacht Christina O…

The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world’s most expensive SUV.

The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating…

Dartz’s armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are “rocket grenade-proof” according to the website.

The Giftmas surprise for the most paranoid Tea-Bagger in your family.

UPDATED: They, uh, decided not to use whale penis leather.

Thanks, Jägermeister

30 users responded in " For those of you who miss the “old” GM "

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# 1 Faxon said, on October 21st, 2009 at 7:04 am

Why do you claim it is for teabaggers?
As I recall, Big BO drives around in an even bigger, more heavily armored GM product. He keeps his whale skin covered penis inside his pants.

# 2 Benjamin said, on October 21st, 2009 at 7:04 am

The whale-penis leather just seems gross and I would not want to sit on it.

Aside from that it is a nice automobile. Seems a bit impractical though. For the probable price of this vehicle I could probably buy a house and a car.

# 3 green said, on October 21st, 2009 at 7:08 am

Reminds me of the Lambo LM002.

# 4 Olo Baggins of Bywater said, on October 21st, 2009 at 7:09 am

Vehicle power rated in watts? Never heard of that before.

# 5 Mr. Glum said, on October 21st, 2009 at 7:13 am

Turn it on its back and it’s just like a turtle.

# 6 LibertyLover said, on October 21st, 2009 at 7:16 am

Yeah, but how many cup holders does it have?

With gold plated windows, you are also protected from radiation. Cool!

#4, there are 746 watts per HP so 350kw is about 460HP.

# 7 hhopper said, on October 21st, 2009 at 7:32 am

That would be “dork leather.”

# 8 nyc2malibu said, on October 21st, 2009 at 7:40 am

So with one bullet to the tires anyone can stop this ugly beast , what morons !

# 9 Me-Mongo said, on October 21st, 2009 at 8:15 am

Canyonero!

# 10 Ralph, the Bus Driver said, on October 21st, 2009 at 8:27 am

Whale penis covered seats should appeal to tea baggers. They are already such big pr***s. I can picture faxon using them for a snack.

# 11 Buffet said, on October 21st, 2009 at 8:52 am

I’d beat someone up just for THINKING about buying one!

# 12 Mr Diesel said, on October 21st, 2009 at 9:23 am

If I could afford it I’d buy one just to run over the whiney assed tree huggers around town.

# 13 GetSmart said, on October 21st, 2009 at 9:30 am

You need something like for rush hour in the Atlanta Metro area. Does it come with .50 cal. machine guns mounted under the headlights?

# 14 Phydeau said, on October 21st, 2009 at 9:36 am

#1 As I recall, Big BO drives around in an even bigger, more heavily armored GM product.

And it wouldn’t be such a big deal but for the racist wingnuts making death threats — an unprecedented number, according to the Secret Service.

The racist wing of the Republican Party, hard at work…

http://boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2009/10/18/secret_service_under_strain_as_leaders_face_more_threats/?page=1

# 15 The0ne said, on October 21st, 2009 at 9:39 am

How many whale penis are require for one vehicle? And how many whales do we have? I vote we use human penis instead with the first coming from the company of course.

Just like the hair growth ads, they’re not just the owner but also the customer. Well, something along that line

# 16 Zippy said, on October 21st, 2009 at 9:40 am

Is Whale Penis Leather better then my Fine Corinthian Leather on my Chrysler Cordoba ?

# 17 Phydeau said, on October 21st, 2009 at 9:42 am

When I was a kid I wondered how many Naugas had to die to make my dad’s Naugahyde recliner…

# 18 spsffan said, on October 21st, 2009 at 9:43 am

Teabaggers wouldn’t drive a Russian vehicle. They generally drive Ford F-150s.

And is it just me or is this thing just a half step off the ugly scale from a Pontiac Aztec?

# 19 Jeff said, on October 21st, 2009 at 9:52 am

#1 Faxon said:

Shut-up. Reading your comments actually makes me feel sorry for your wife or girlfriend. Playing with penis envy and racism are not fun topics.

# 20 SparkyOne said, on October 21st, 2009 at 10:41 am

But is it from a virgin whale penis?

# 21 IowaHighlander said, on October 21st, 2009 at 10:45 am

http://dartz.instablogs.com/entry/prombron-exrussobaltique-or-dartz-kombat-armored-car-which-shocked-the-world/

Specs says it has GM drivetrain and Suburban parts.

So it is an old GM product.

# 22 Phydeau said, on October 21st, 2009 at 10:56 am

I can almost hear the Russian accent from that web page:

So You are rich and sucessfull, You need car to reflect how important Your life is. You need a car to show how cool You are. You need a car which will show that You are one and only. Of course You can buy HUMMER – but is it proof enough, luxury enough is it unique?

The Russians never really understood “a” and “the”.

# 23 Olo Baggins of Bywater said, on October 21st, 2009 at 11:26 am

Or proper personal pronouns, lol.

# 24 Angel H. Wong said, on October 21st, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Expect to see hip hop artists buying them first. Then see rich, white suburban males who dream of being more ghetto than 50Cent buying them afterwards.

# 25 sargasso said, on October 21st, 2009 at 12:40 pm

For running over Chechen grandmothers.

# 26 Jägermeister said, on October 21st, 2009 at 1:01 pm

Arnold would want one…

# 27 sicktodeath said, on October 21st, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Wouldn’t be the teapartiers…the Dems now represent the richest people in the country. The teapartiers are spending too much money on things like college or orthodonty for the kids.

Chances are it will end up in the 7-car garage of some elite Obama czar (formerly of Goldman Sachs) who hasn’t paid taxes in 30 years. Being washed by illegal immigrants paid less than the minimum wage.

That’s how the high-class Dems roll these days, get used to it, peons.

And don’t forget to pay YOUR taxes report Gramma for watching FOX and saying she’s unhappy with The Big O …. it’s everybody’s responsibility to be on the lookout for domestic terrorists.

# 28 Mark T. said, on October 21st, 2009 at 2:50 pm

Hmm, the interior is standard Chevy. It simply appears to be an armor plated Chevy Suburban.

Does it come with run-flats? At 2000 lbs of weight on each corner, I doubt it. Just shoot the tires out and it is immobilized.

# 29 Glenn E. said, on October 21st, 2009 at 9:54 pm

Hmmm. I know that whales are classified as mammals. But can any part of something that lives in salt water, really be considered “hide”? And why the skin of whales’ wangs? Is this some kind of perverse Russian sales pitch. “Seats made from the male parts of endangered species”. I guess the Tiger penis leather wasn’t as appealing. Or there wasn’t enough of it to make even one seat cover. But come on! Why pick on the whales, when sharks are so well hated. Like I said, it most be part of some perverse sense of anti-eco conspicuous consumption. “Ha. My SUV’s seats covered with the skin of animals’ wangs, that everyone else idolizes. Free Willy’s willy skin seat covers.”

# 30 Glenn E. said, on October 21st, 2009 at 10:36 pm

So while Congress considers whether all Americans are going to have to pay higher fuel bills, in a few years, to offset the carbon credits of their energy use. All in the name of saving the environment. Some Russian business gets away with making products from whale parts. Isn’t there some kind of international ban on whaling? And using products made from whales, regardless of who is still doing the whaling? And… if not, shouldn’t there be.

If the US has to start coughing up tens of billions, for carbon credits. Then the rest of the damn world ought to at least pretend like they give a damn about the environment, and cease more of their exploiting ways. But I doubt they will. It’s just an elaborate economic conspiracy to further dampen American commercial production. While all other nations get a much more favorable “credit allowance” or wavier. And the US’s most abundant energy resource, Coal, is declared a toxic to the whole world. Apparently everything the US possesses and does with it, is toxic to everyone else. What a great piece of convenient propaganda, to be used to destroy the US’s dominance in many areas of commerce and technology. I’m sure there are many in international investments, that would love to buy low in the third world markets, and then see the competing US markets be taken down several notches. They love the idea of the Kyoto Treaty. They’ll take advantage of that bit of market shift knowledge, in a heart beat.

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