Above is Jack Nicholson’s famous scene from Five Easy Pieces. Below is from an inane argument with an IHOP manager who wouldn’t allow a Jewish vegetarian to substitute an extra egg for a pork sausage.

Manager: “Chickens are eggs.”
Friend and I: “What?”
Manager: “If you eat eggs, you’re eating chicken.”
Me: “Um. No.”
Friend: “Do you know how eggs are made?”
Manager: “Well, they come from chickens.”
Friend: “Yes, but they’re not actually chicken.”
Manager: “But they come from chickens, so you’re still using an animal.”
Me: “We know. We said we’re vegetarians, not vegans. We eat eggs and dairy.”
Manager: “You’re still using an animal though.”

How many of you have run into something similar where the ‘rules’ forbid substitutions, even if you’re willing to pay extra in a ‘customer is not always right’ establishment?