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Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don’t know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn’s coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn’s outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat.




  1. JimD says:

    Sorry, NO UNICORN HORNS AVAILABLE !!! The TSA HAS COMANDEERED THE ENTIRE SUPPLY, AND YOU KNOW WHY !!!

    P.S. Never play Leap Frog with a Unicorn !!!

  2. FRAGaLOT says:

    Excellent source of sparkles? Ah so this is what those gay vampires eat.

  3. tdkyo says:

    Clearly, we need to end corn subsidies.

  4. Fred Ziffel says:

    Goes especially well with dragon steaks.

  5. Angel H. Wong says:

    #1 JimD,

    This is What they do with the unicorn horns:

    http://whipspiderrubberworks.com/catalog/images/unicorn.jpg

  6. chuck says:

    This instructional video will explain everything:

  7. fulanoche says:

    I’ll take a tin to help the good sisters out.

  8. deowll says:

    Blah! It’s just horse meat under another name not that there is anything wrong with eating horse meat.

  9. Rich says:

    “The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn’s coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled…”

    This could be a solution for the aging Baby Boomers, too.


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