How do we know Mitt Romney is a unicorn?

Many people believe he is a unicorn.

Many people say he is a unicorn.

I read on the internet that Mitt Romney is a unicorn…

Why should you be concerned that Mitt Romney is a unicorn?

Unicorns are un-American.

Unicorns practice a weird religion that involves rainbows, puffy clouds, swirly pastels, and moonbeams.

The Constitution of the United States specifically prohibits unicorns from holding public office.

If a unicorn is president of the United States, our number one enemy, Unilandia, will soon dominate the world stage. While Unilandia has a small army in comparison to ours, their military complex boasts many horns. In fact, recent intelligence reveals that Unilandia has horns of mass destruction (HMD).

If we have a unicorn for president, back room deals with Unilandia will certainly lead to the loss of American jobs, particularly in the crucial areas of circus acts and stuffed animals.

A unicorn in the white house would lead to young people to engage in promiscuity

Michelle Richmond’s column at SFGate isn’t where I found this chuckle – but, apparently she worries about getting credit for it. So, the link leads you over to the Chronicle’s site where you can read it in full.



  1. Anonymous says:

    Mitt Romney isn’t a unicorn. He’s a JERK! But compared to the other jerk he’s running against, it’s sad to say that Mitt Romney is the better choice.

    It’s rather like choosing to get kicked in the gonads by a horse or getting hit in the face repeatedly with a baseball bat. Either way you loose. But you better decide cause it’s coming at you one way, or another.

    And if you happen to like your choices then you can thank an American lawyer! I mean, haven’t you noticed? Almost all your choices have been schooled in law and passed a bar exam somewhere. They are the very same people who criminals hire! Let’s also not forget just what excellent economists these guys are too. What better class of people could as creatively come up with multiple ways to steal money? And do it legally!

    • LibertyLover says:

      I would prefer to neither get kicked in the balls nor batted in the face, thank you very much.

      I’ll take a third option.

      • spsffan says:

        As will I, since the LP is actually running a candidate that doesn’t specifically hate me this time.

        Of course, I live in California, so the Electoral College will do its thing, and my vote will go to Obama regardless of what I do in the voting booth.

        But my conscience will be in better shape than it was 4 years ago.

    • GregAllen says:

      How is Obama a jerk?

      He seems like the affiable, coperative president we’ve had in years.

      And very very thick-skinned, to boot.

      • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist and Jr Culture Critic says:

        Thats my question as well, but the immediate answer is that he is too much a republican. He is weak willed in domestic affairs–waiting to be lead by an uprising of the people who elected him to change things, or by getting outted and embarassed by Joe the VP.

        Pure drivel to post Obama saving our country, if not the world, from the calmity caused by Clinton/Bush is on par with Romney who wants nothing more than a continued depression caused by the same lack of regulation, lack of jail time for the thieves.

        Romney if elected would be the worst president in living memory. He wants the office purely to feather his own nest: to remove even more taxes while saying he supports the poor while agreeing to proposed legislation that cuts services to them.

        A RAGING HYPOCRIT— that only fools and dupes can support.

        Just LOOK!!!!!

        • GregAllen says:

          GOP fictional Obama is a thin-skinned jerk.

          The real Obama is a very cooperative guy.

          The GOP can’t run against the real Obama, because he’s done a good job.

          So, they run against a fictional Obama, of their own making.

  2. hmeyers says:

    Is this making fun of his “funny”religion?

    • orchidcup says:

      What religion is not “funny?”

    • GregAllen says:

      It’s clearly making fun of Donald Trump who says, “A lot of people doubt Obama’s birth certificate.”

      As if a lot of racist deluded nutcase birthers constitutes proof.

    • Schleprock says:

      I heard Ed Norris (Former NYPD and Baltimore Commish)complain in one breath that he was unjustly accused of corruption, and in the next breath that there might be something to the birther accusations because “a lot of people are talking about it”.
      How about we tax lies? That well would never dry up!

  3. Cursor_ says:

    Willard Mitt Romney is another plutocrat like Obama.

    If anything they are both beasts.

    One with stripes and one with spots.

    Screw both of them.

    Cursor_

  4. hmeyers says:

    I read some of the history of Mormonism and it is a load of cowpies — some guy in the 1830s (give or take a few years) finds some “gold plates” buried in his yard — *ugh* — and he “translates” them.

    However, Islam has equally cheesy origins (God spoke to me). The Scientologists … really cheesy (wacky Sci-Fi novelist makes a really silly religion). Even Budda made up a religion (meditating 40 days under a tree.

    Still the linked article is a (very) thinly veiled attack on Romney’s religion (re: “moonbeams”) but I guess I’m supposed to think that is funny, because his funny religion isn’t normal and it is fun to make of people who are different.

    I’d mentally file this in the same folder as some of the racist Tea Party joke emails about Obama’s race.

    • So what says:

      You missed one
      Christianity = The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree, makes sense.

      • Schleprock says:

        O.K… I’m not an atheist, but that was very funny. You might want to just quit right there while you’re on top!

    • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist and dictionary thumping common sense phlegmatist says:

      Yeah–what so what says.

      Why do you equate the truth of the stupidity of religion with the lies about the racism of the Tea Party?

      Things that are the opposite of one another are not the same.

      Basic language skills. Logic not even involved.

    • GregAllen says:

      Anyone who is religious, like me, cant’ criticize Mormonism.

      Yes, Momonism is weird.

      But all religion is wierd to those who can’t undersand it.

  5. The Monster's Lawyer says:

    Of course he’s a unicorn. He poops gold pellets.

  6. Dallas says:

    I hope not!

    The unicorn I saw on the movie Jason and the Argonauts did not appear to have money offshore in order to evade paying taxes. Also, the horn was on his head.

    Romney has money offshore to evade taxes and has the horn up his ass.

    • David says:

      horns can be concealed by surgical removal and regular anti-unicorn injections

  7. orchidcup says:

    This apparent satire that references the “birther” conspiracy nutjobs is not that amusing or clever.

  8. Phydeau says:

    This is not a slam against Romney’s religion, it’s a slam against the Birthers making up stupid stuff about Obama. Read the end of the article:

    “A bit of backstory, in all seriousness: LeftAction.com‘s Unicorn spoof was a reaction to Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett’s threat to keep Obama off the ballot in November, based on false claims that Obama was not born in the US. To appease 1,200 “birthers” who emailed him saying that Obama was born in Kenya, Bennett launched an investigation into Obama’s birthplace, demanding that Hawaii send him proof that Obama was born in the US.”

    • BigBoyBC says:

      I believe Obama was born in the United States, but I also believe that he lied in college about being a foreign national to get money, and that’s why his college records are sealed.

      • LibertyLover says:

        That’s kinda what I believe, too.

      • GregAllen says:

        >>I also believe that he lied in college about being a foreign national to get money

        Foeigners pay HIGHER tuition than in-staters do.

        Why would he lie about that?

        Are you just making stuff up?

  9. GregAllen says:

    Also, the Romneys spare no expenses on horses but eagerly send humans into poverty.

    • NewformatSux says:

      Funny, when Jackie Kennedy was riding horses, it was presented by liberals as a sign of class and glamour.

      • spsffan says:

        Funny thing is that when Jackie Kennedy did it, it WAS a sign of class and glamor.

        When LBJ did it, it was a sign of a horse with two asses.

        All depends on the rider!

      • GregAllen says:

        The Romney’s travel with a chiropacter and masseus for their horses.

        Fine.

        But they also deny basic healthcare for Americans.

        That’s the difference.

        • LibertyLover says:

          But they also deny basic healthcare for Americans.

          Now who’s making things up?

          Ever heard of Romneycare?

          When Obamacare was just a dream, Romney was supporting it.

          You won’t find a republican in the bunch more aligned to everything Obama is. These guys are so close together in their vision for America it’s scary.

          • GregAllen says:

            Romeny supposted universal healthcare for _his_ but again and again has said he doesn’t want it for the nation.

            I’m not making that up.

          • GregAllen says:

            Wow, I messed that up. I’ll try again:

            Romeny supported universal healthcare for _his_ state but has said he doesn’t want it for the nation.

            I’m not making that up.

          • LibertyLover says:

            Greg,

            He’s on record years ago advocating for it. The individual mandate was the cornerstone of his plan. And he encouraged Obama to use it at the federal level.

            http://mittromneycentral.com/op-eds/2009-op-eds/mr-president-whats-the-rush/

            He has not backed away from this.

            He has said he wants to repeal it but this man is just as bad as Obama. He’s going to say anything to get into the White House and then do what he wants to do once he’s there. I didn’t think we’d ever find a pancake spatula as bad as Obama but Romney certainly fits the bill.

            If you are a democrat, then you should be hoping Ron Paul doesn’t pull of a coup in Tampa because then you’re going to have two major candidates with the, effectively, same platform running for President.

        • NewformatSux says:

          There you have it, everything’s OK if they are passing liberal legislation. Tim Geithner can cheat on his taxes, Clinton can cheat on his wife, etc.

          • GregAllen says:

            I just Googled it.

            Geithner payed some back taxes. The IRS didn’t even fine him. Thousands, not millions. Case closed.

            This happens to rich guys all the time.

          • David says:

            Cheating on your wife isn’t illegal except in saudi arabia

  10. NewformatSux says:

    Obama himself claimed to born in Kenya when his book was being published.

    • Parker says:

      Yeah, so why DID he do that???…I need an answer from the Libs.

      But I am pretty certain I won’t get one.

      • Dallas says:

        I know the answer but I’m sworn to secrecy like the rest of us. You will never know. Never.

  11. Parker says:

    How anyone can defend a war criminal is beyond me. Must be Stockholm Syndrome.

  12. deowll says:

    Brain fart.

  13. The0ne says:

    Alright, I laughed my ass off on this so a huge thanks for posting it. Made my day.

  14. Parker says:

    Bottom line, shitty presidents don’t get re-elected. Bush was the exception.

    Never again.

    • BigBoyBC says:

      Bush was re-elected because people dis-liked Kerry more than they liked Bush.

      • GregAllen says:

        The millions spent lying about Kerry didn’t help.

        • hmeyers says:

          I hated Bush in 2004. I believed his bungling of Iraq was more than enough to boot him out of office.

          But John Kerry was loathsome and spineless. While other talked about how it was the “most important election ever” I thought it was the shittiest election ever.

          Howard Dean *should* have been the Democratic nominee, but his campaign didn’t work out (The Dean Scream — which I thought was an absurd thing to influence public opinion and I was royally pissed off about that was somehow an issue …).

      • David says:

        The real reason he wasn’t popular was Kerry wasn’t the actual choice of the democrats. He was made the candidate by the democratic national committee.

        The democratic voter actually wanted Howard Dean.

        • NewformatSux says:

          And before that they wanted Joe Lieberman. He was the one leading in national polls while some in the media were going gaga over Dean.

  15. sdf says:

    I want to see a not-a-unicorn certificate. Even then, how will I know it’s the real thing.

    • Dallas says:

      Sadly, he will never produce this important document.

      It’s an outrage and I hope The Donald brings this issue forward to educate the Republican sheeple.

      • hmeyers says:

        In some other article, someone righty posted a link to a critique of the released Obama birth certificate.

        In that link, it examined the .pdf document released by the White House and the critique induces a ton of doubt about the authenticity of the released .pdf.

        I’m no birther and could give a rats ass about that issue, but the released PDF birth certificate is a piece of shit.

        I explain to “conservatives” why the Obama birth certificate issue is bullshit like this — “Uh … let’s say I was born in Mexico when my parents were on vacation. Or let’s say my parents were stationed in Germany. Or my parents were fishing in Canada.”

        Obama’s mom was a US citizen, I could give a crap if she was in Kenya, celebrating Cinco De Mayo in Mexico or on vacation in Australia when Obama was born.

        That being said, I think Obama was probably born in Kenya. If he were born in Hawaii, wasn’t his mom in a hospital?

        The answer to this question is irrelevant. Natural born citizen just means someone didn’t move to the USA and become a citizen later (like say Arnold Schwarzenegger).

        Instead, the same group of nuts that like to debate UFOs, deny that the income tax is constitutional, pick at word games.

        • NewformatSux says:

          Yup, that about sums it up. All the birthers have at that point is that by law at the time, citizenship was not automatic, because Obama’s mom was underage. The law now says otherwise.

          And now they are jumping ship to a second life raft, that even if he was born in Hawaii he is not a natural born citizen because his dad is Kenyan.

          I actually think the secrecy has to do with the last part. That Barack Obama Sr might not be his dad.

  16. David says:

    Does this mean the definition of marriage is between a man unicorn and a woman unicorn?

  17. JimD, Boston, MA says:

    He is a ONE HORNED, ONE EYED, FLYING PURPLE PEOPLE FIRIER !!!

    And works TIRELESSLY FOR THE 1% AT THE EXPENSE OF THE 99% – THE REST OF US !!!

    DON’T VOTE FOR THIS ***ROBBER BARRON*** !!!

    • hmeyers says:

      George Romney, Mitt’s father was a civil-rights activist governor of Michigan and in the 1960s it was politically dangerous to be such a man.


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