This Kickstarter project has reached its goal and Grilled Cheesus sandwich presses will be rolling out to investors and consumers alike.

Check in with your local kitchen gadget/religious money sponge to see if they’re carrying it, yet.

Click pic to order yours today!

Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don’t know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn’s coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn’s outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat.

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At a former golf-shoe factory 13 miles from the Atlantic, workers at Shucks Maine Lobster drop up to 150 pounds of live lobsters into a perforated metal basket and sink them in the Avure 215L, a water-filled compression chamber affectionately known as the Big Mother Shucker. A pump pressurizes the water to 40,000 pounds per square inch—almost 2,700 times the pressure of the air around us, 60 times that of the deepest known lobster habitat, and more than twice the force at the bottom of the Pacific’s Mariana Trench.

At such extreme pressure, cellular activities cease, causing instant death, and the flesh disconnects from the exoskeleton. When the lobsters emerge six to eight minutes later, the succulent meat slips right out of the shell. The meat is then resubmerged in a bag, and the pressure is cranked up to 87,000 psi, destroying listeria and other food-borne bacteria. Because the force is uniform at all points, the flesh remains perfectly intact.

In theory, humans can have innate predispositions to certain stimuli. These reactions would be vestiges of natural selection, in that early humans who had the most successful gut reaction would gain an evolutionary advantage.
[...]
Researchers at McGill University asked 82 males to listen to a script reader while they sorted photos. Some of the photos were images of meat, while others had neutral images that were unlikely to provoke any particular reaction in the participants. [...] Instead, the pictures of meat actually made the subjects less aggressive. That certainly suggests the subjects did have some kind of innate reaction to the meat, but not the one the researchers expected. After all, ancient humans would have associated meat with hunting and the competition for and protection of food resources.
[...]
Kachanoff is pretty sure he knows why the experiment produced those results. He simply showed his subjects the wrong sort of meat: “We used imagery of meat that was ready to eat. In terms of behaviour, with the benefit of hindsight, it would make sense that our ancestors would be calm, as they would be surrounded by friends and family at meal time. I would like to run this experiment again, using hunting images. Perhaps Thanksgiving next year will be a great opportunity for a do-over!”

Perhaps this should become a new military tactic. During a fire fight, hold up meat so the enemy becomes tranquil and you can kill their asses. Of course, that means our troops need anti-meat goggles to keep them fierce. Hmmm… I smell government contract (ie,$$$$$) on the barbie!

Gilpin Family Whisky

Large amounts of sugar are excreted on a daily basis by type-two diabetic patients especially amongst the upper end of our aging population. As a result of this diabetic patients toilets often have unusual scale build up in the basin due and rapid mold growths as the sugar put into the system acts as nutrients for mold and bacteria growth. Is it plausible to suggest that we start utilizing our water purification systems in order to harvest the biological resources that our elderly already process in abundance?

Sugar heavy urine excreted by diabetic patients is now being utilized for the fermentation of high-end single malt whisky for export. The Whisky market is growing faster then any other alcoholic beverage worldwide. With a prevalent genetic weakness being exposed in the northern hemisphere leading to a sharp rise in type two diabetes, economists have found a new exportable commodity to exploit and are keen to capitalize on this resource quickly.

Drug hysteria hits a new high. (pun accidental)

A knife-wielding man was arrested earlier this week in what police called a meat massacre at a south-central Indiana supermarket.

Several people called 911 on Wednesday morning to report a man with a knife in the Jay C Food Store. [...] “Got a man with a knife who’s doing things,” another caller said.
[...]
Police said Anthony Coffman, 28, used a hunting knife to cut through meat packages, throwing open containers of raw beef on the floor. He then poured dog food over some of the meat in hopes of contaminating it so it couldn’t be sold, said Edinburgh police Deputy Chief David Lutz.

A store employee tried to stop Coffman, but gave up when he threatened the employee with the knife, police said.

Coffman told police that he is a vegetarian and gets upset when others consume beef, telling the employee that God sent him to ruin the meat and that he was trying to save little girls from food he believes would make them “chubby.”

[Toronto's] Mildred’s Temple Kitchen is inviting customers to have sex in its bathrooms.

The Valentine’s weekend promotion takes uncomfortable but electrifying sex from the close confines of an airplane and transfers it to the unisex stalls of the Hanna Ave. restaurant. The Liberty Village restaurant proposes its modern bathrooms become one of the “101 places to have sex before you die.”

Mildred’s has always elicited a certain response. One customer, who didn’t want to be named, remembers going to a wedding at the eatery’s old location and seeing a copy of the Kama Sutra in the bathroom.

“They invite it,” said the customer.

This time, the invitation is explicit. On its website, Mildred’s asks: “Have you given any thought to moving beyond the bedroom?

“Check out Mildred’s Sexy Bathrooms throughout the weekend of Big Love. You get the picture.”