REDMOND, WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Bill Gates’ first day at work in the newly created role of technology adviser got off to a rocky start yesterday as the Microsoft founder struggled for hours to install the Windows 8.1 upgrade.

The installation hit a snag early on, sources said, when Mr. Gates repeatedly received an error message informing him that his PC ran into a problem that it could not handle and needed to restart.

After failing to install the upgrade by lunchtime, Mr. Gates summoned the new Microsoft C.E.O. Satya Nadella, who attempted to help him with the installation, but with no success. “Bill is usually a pretty calm guy, so it was weird to hear some of that language coming out of his mouth,” the source said.

A Microsoft spokesman said only that Mr. Gates’ first day in his new job had been “a learning experience” and that, for the immediate future, he would go back to running Windows 7.

Actually, I have easily installed it successfully many times…..that doesn’t mean I like it. Maybe it’s just Bill.

Thanks to Dave “Cat Burner” Skewes

  1. Dallas says:

    I dislike Windows 8. I don’t need/want a new OS environment to house my applications because I work with applications, not the container that houses them.

    IMHO, the notion of an OS will die, albeit slowly.

    • pixelriffic says:

      Umm… it would be impossible to run an application without an OS. Like the notion or not.

  2. robb the Idiot says:

    The GUI sucks for and thing with out a touch screen. Many of us still use a desk top for it’s power and configurability .

    It is for the same people that don’t need a POTS phone line. If power goes out they blame there phone company. A POTS line provides it’s own power to run your phone.

  3. Dallas says:

    Again. This post has nothing to do with GOP celebrity Chris Christie’s and his abuse of governmental powers to exact revenge on political enemies.

  4. bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

    “Actually, I have easily installed it successfully many times…..that doesn’t mean I like it. Maybe it’s just Bill.” //// Have you ever had any problems installing it and if so what was the issue?

    On the Metro Interface–yes, I think it violates what should be a basic tenet in software design: give and allow the end user the option to choose among variables rather than force a single approach. For Win 8 this would mean issue it with the old Win 7 Start Menue and allow the user to opt back and forth. M$’s stumbling approach to a botched compromise between the two shows a disregard for what the customers clearly want.

    Same as it always was.

  5. Matt says:

    That BS story has been floating around since the 90’s. People just change it to whatever version of Windows is out at the time.

    • Hmeyers says:

      Windows 8 is fairly bad. I didn’t have any complaints about Vista, Windows 7 is pretty ideal.

      Windows 8 is rather annoying and manages to things very hard to find. I’m not fond of it at all. I guess is it “usable” — but Windows 7 was close to “perfect”.

  6. dusanmal says:

    Story is irrelevant. GUI examples image is.
    There are two major drivers of GUI changes: real technological advance and fashion. Sadly, in recent times it is an age of GUI for fashion sense, like cars in 50’s-70’s. New fins for sake of new fins. Also, sadly – it infects all platforms (new Apple products, Windows, Linux [seen UbuntuOne?] and creeping into Android. Online too – seen Twitter recently?). In order to distinguish this new fashion from older one must “kill” aspects of old one that may be perfectly fine [ex. current trend to “flatten” everything, caring less that such have been tried at the times we couldn’t do 3 for such purpose or that our brains evolved in 3D world…).
    Now to real technological advances that will (hopefully) drive next fashion update on lines of tech’ progress: 1) As seen on CES – multitude of new, semi-new and re-purposed computer interaction devices. 3D gestures but also knobs, pedals, 100% re-purposed and re-invented keyboards, visual, ultrasound, touch,… We are into the age of multitude of input/interaction devices, GUI should reflect that 2) Return to 3D and basing interaction on our natural instinct. So far it is textured (be it abstract) background as for tree canopy or such and distinct colorful icons for objects of interest – like apple in that tree canopy; other things that excite ape brains – motion in that canopy, potentially edible critter or a danger – that I’d love to see Apple or Windows or Google tackle and use …

  7. Tim says:

    The stupid interface tiles looks just like the nurses’ menu in Idiocracy —

  8. MikeN says:

    If this is a true story, this is the best news I’ve heard all year. Perhaps I will hold out for a revamped MS laptop after all.

  9. jpfitz says:

    I must be the only MS user who has adjusted with the changes beginning with DOS to 8.1, I’m still using Vista on my desktop. My experience with win 8 has been very good on my 13.3 touch netbook. The 8.1 update was an enjoyable change to win 8. I don’t see the big fuss. Bitch about the tiles all you want. You don’t need to use the tiles, use the desktop.

    • jpfitz says:

      My reason for being a MS user was the CAD-CAM software needed for work was a windows only product, till recently. Some of the CNC machines also run on windows. This silly MS bashing since day one and the OS comparing and hater crap is fodder for the apple lovers with their skinny jeans. HAR.

    • bobbo, picking fruit from the tree of Libertarianism as only an attentive humanist can do says:

      So jp–I agree that an os/gui designed for touchscreen should be mal adapted to a desktop environment. I know I will simply not use a touch screen at my desk. My monitors are about 3 feet away. My dick could reach them, but not my arms. (A tangent from your pron reference.)

      That said, can you confirm..I assume you don’t use the metro gui? I understand that even when the traditional “Start Menu” is used that there is still some kind of learning curve to the way you access your programs?

      I saw no real reason to upgrade from xp to Win 7 but I did it and learned the slightly different interface knowing that underneath it all the OS was more secure and stable==and in fact that has proven true. does seem to me the move from win8 to win9 should be an update or a fix NOT A NEW OS that has to be purchased.

      As I just moved to a free standing video capture device (AverMedia but that was a mistake, I’m gonna buy a Hauppage Unit now because it allows selection of the encoding rates from 1-20Mbs instead of the more limited choices Aver gives) I now have no programs I regularly use that require Windows to run. Might actually be the time I switch to and stay with Linux.

      We’ll see.

      • jpfitz says:

        To answer your query about metro, no, I don’t use the tile side of 8.1 much. Although I have a shutdown, hibernate and a desktop tile that are used. Accessing programs for is done from the task bar and the desktop icons.

        My netbook with a touch screen is very light, all aluminum at 3.3 lbs, very handy but the gorilla hands poking at a 13.3 screen can be cumbersome, the Asus mouse pad is sort of a touch pad itself. Point being I don’t use the touchscreen much, but others only used to touch screens on their phones are more apt to swipe on the screen. Some family members leave greasy smears on the screen, I’m old fashioned, keep your paws off my monitor screen. Trying to adapt to new or added technology can leave one annoyed or surprised.

      • jpfitz says:

        Hauppauge makes great A/V capture hardware. I’ve been using one of their boards since 2008.

        I grew up in a town called…Hauppauge. No kidding.

        From Wikipedia:
        “The name comes from the Native American word for “sweet waters.” Local Native American tribes would get their fresh drinking water from this area, instead of near Lake Ronkonkoma where the water was not drinkable. Hauppauge is known for the underground water springs and high underground water table.”

        • bobbo, picking fruit from the tree of Libertarianism as only an attentive humanist can do says:

          Until now, nobody knew that except you!

          Everytime I get new tech, I always am irked that I should have gotten it sooner. I’ve been using firewire recording for all me video needs for all these years then last year I used the composite input to an old dvr and it worked so I then got the AverMedia. It is half the cost of the Hauppauge AND it is stand alone. Now that I know the analogue hole is real…I shoulda got the Computer dependent Hauppauge. Oh well, I should stop nit picking myself and go for what I actually want.

          One thing–one its highest capture rate of 60fps at 18Mbs too many images have zig-zagged edges. Not all the time, so there is some kind of “sensitivity” going on…but I never saw it over the fire wire that captured in original .ts and converted to 5Mbs files.

          Every approach has its pros and cons. Why can’t there be a Stand Alone Component Capture Card at 30fps/5Mbs with a descent picture….that keeps my beer cold?

          Why?? I know–patent trolls and the RIAA. Damn them all!

  10. Mr._Vector says:

    This article came from Andy Borowitz, a former TV comedy writer and now blogger for the New Yorker. His work has often been mistaken for real news stories. The top of the story contains a link to his blog.

    • bobbo, picking fruit from the tree of Libertarianism as only an attentive humanist can do says:

      Thanks for emphasizing the source/link for the article. He does have a humorous take on current news.

      Your implication is that he made up this report out of whole cloth?

      I take it rather that he simply emphasized one thing that happened during his visit. Humorists are often anti-establishment, think there own stuff, kind of guys. Like Jon Stewart/Colbert==every other comedian on Earth.

      Real news? Yes. Ain’t that a bitch?

  11. Captain Obvious says:

    Borowitz nails the landing, again. Dead on.

  12. Traaxx says:

    “Classic Shell”,, just install “Classic Shell” and you’ve got an updated Windows 7 OS.

    He, He, Ha, Ha….Here comes windows 9/(Windos 7.x update)

    As far as Chris Christie, he seems to be just anouther MacCain globalist, don’t we have enough globalist in Wash.D.C.? How about some diversity, vote Nationalist, vote for Jobs for US Citizens and no more foreign/illegal imported labor, vote for you living standards…vote nationalist.



  13. P. says:

    I suggest BillG go back to use Windows XP, Especially SP3 is pretty solid for common office use 🙂

  14. Glenn E. says:

    I’ve wondered for years, why Windows desktop couldn’t handle animated icons. My old Commodore Amiga had two state icons, from day one. And I understand there was some program for it, that animated Workbench icons for it, even more. Though I never bothered doing that with mine. But I kept waiting to see what Windows PCs would do. And they never even offered a two state icon, in 95, 98, ME, XP, Vista, or 7.

    Now, I guess they can say that their Windows 8 desktop has something animated. Tiles, not icons. But I’m not sure it’s an improvement, at this late stage. Especially since its used in tablets and smart phones. So battery charge is eaten up, by all this eye candy tile image processing time. In fact, it seems like a lot of “smart” devices are wasting battery charge, animating things across the screen, that they really don’t need to animate. But it’s eye catching, so it sells better.

    I’d like to see an easy to find option, to run these things with an alternative “scheme” to animating everything they can think of. In order to extend the battery charge. At times, these pages or frames just shoot by, in a blur. Not meant to be read. They’re just letting you know they’re piled up off screen, somewhere. Wouldn’t a simpler method of indicating that, work just as well?

  15. Peppeddu says:

    I don’t mind using 8.1 but I do understand the frustration that many people (a.k.a. the majority) have.

    When they went from DOS to Windows they’ve reduced DOS into a window in Windows, and everything was fine.
    All the users had to do was to navigate into a DOS box, maximize it, and they could use it as they’ve always done before.
    People eventually got used to Windows at their own pace without anything being taken away from their existing DOS stuff.

    When they went from Windows (now called Desktop) to Metro they’ve reduced Desktop into an app in Metro, and that’s where the problem started.
    People who wanted to use Desktop as they’ve always done it, were no longer able to do so because they have removed the classic menu and mixed together Metro and Desktop apps.

    The best solution to this (IMHO) is to separate the two UIs. You hit a button and you go to **Desktop-only** mode. You hit another button and you go to **Metro-only** mode.

  16. deegee says:

    Metro is a (poor) attempt to create a unified interface between the PC, tablet, smartphone, and console.

    No doubt that Microsoft made the change and the push to Metro because the Microsoft upper management no longer uses the desktop, they use their smartphones and maybe sometimes a tablet, so as narrow-minded people often do, they figured the rest of the world was the same as them.

    Or the more sinister possibility: they tried to force the Microsoft Phone interface onto the desktop in a feeble attempt to try to sway people to also buy the Microsoft Phone using familiarity of interface. And to create a market for the Microsoft App Store.

    Microsoft’s line is probably that they tried to provide a unified interface to all of their products (desktop, tablet, phone, xbox).

    In any case, it failed because the desktop is not a smartphone.

    Is Windows 8/8.1 better than Windows 7? Actually yes, it is. The majority of the core changes are good improvements. It’s the attempt to push the Metro interface that caused the desktop users to push back — and rightly so.
    It is quite easy with Windows 8.1 to get the desktop back to being almost the same as Windows 7. But it is not an improvement over 7, only a change.

    Regarding flat user interfaces, as someone who develops Windows desktop software for a living, there are many positives to the flat UI for certain types of applications. I develop 3D software, where the flat dark UI is the preferred design.

  17. t0llyb0ng says:

    I go along with first poster guy, running applications to get work done.  If I’m noticing the presence of an OS, something is amiss.  MS should have learned that with Vista but didn’t.  Toddlers & elderly that can use an iPad with little to no training don’t even need to know what an OS is.

    A nature analogy:  Tablet & phone OSes are for ducks & fishes.  PC & laptop OSes are for land mammals. 
    The latter can look ungainly & silly trying to swim in the pond.

    Here are some gratuitous compound words:


  18. Mumbo says:

    You are all a bunch of whinny little bitches

  19. BubbaMustafa says:

    I haven’t played with Win 8, and don’t really want to.

    But I applaud MS for trying something different and attempting to leap-frog Apple (who’s OS is backsliding)

    MS: nice try. retreat, regroup and try again. (and a third time since you never get it right until v 3.0, and the NT 3.0 trick didn’t work well did it?) You’ll get it.

  20. Once you use Widows 8 for about a year, you instintively switch back and forth between Metro and the Desktop. Start Menu becomes a useful dashboard.

    • Captain Obvious says:

      It takes a year to get the hang of it?

      • MikeN says:

        And apparently many more years to get the hang of ObamaCare. Right now the Democrats are telling us that job losses are good for the economy.

  21. sargasso_c says:

    Well, it’s never too late to bring out a corporate Linux distro. Actually, a better option would be Android for X86 in Kitkat. It can be skinned to look “Windowish”. And it installs in seconds and runs on anything.

  22. JimD says:

    WinBloze 8.whatever – Cartoon Interface for Idiots and Executives, but I repeat myself !!!

  23. John says:

    Don’t think a good OS needs a year to get the “hang of it”. That to me is a very non intuitive OS that handicaps a persons abilities to use a PC effectively. If anything a user should be saying things like the new OS made me work faster and more effectively. Not things like I eventually got used to it, or I guess I will learn to use it.
    I easily switched from XP to Vista to Windows 7 without so much as a period of getting used to it. If Windows 8 requires such a lengthy period to learn to use it. I think that in itself will cause it to fail terribly. Much worse then even Vista.


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