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The End User License Agreement. You probably have grown accustomed to clicking through on these when installing new software, so accustomed that you don’t even read them anymore. Well, we have and here are some of our favourites. We also present them with simultaneous plain English translations.

…Therefore, you agree to pay, and Company agrees to accept in compromise, for each chargeback you may issue or directly or indirectly cause to be issued against company, the amount of EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS ($8,000.00) to Company (or the party selling you this license), as liquidated damages and not as a penalty. You expressly confess, in the event of such a “chargeback”, that such chargeback constitutes fraud and confess such fraud. You agree to pay all costs incurred by company or the seller of this license in collecting these amounts.

  1. raindog says:

    I have a feeling that chargeback thing is a violation of their own agreement with their credit card processor.

  2. Imafish says:

    EULAs fall under the legal doctrine of the little guy gets screwed.

    In employment law so called “employee handbooks” are never considered contracts because employers always leave an clause to freely modify the handbook at any time. Courts see that as intent on the employer’s part NOT to be bound by it.

    However, nearly all EULAs have a similar clause, i.e., “we reserve the right to change this agreement at any time.” Under the above logic you’d think that EULAs would not be considered contracts. By leaving an option to modify it a company like Microsoft is expressing its desire not to be bound by it.

    But of course when there is a little guy trying to sue a big company, the courts will screw him over. Thus they interpret such modification clauses differently in the world of EULAs. Courts say that by the end-user voluntarily agreeing to the modification clause they’re bound by it. And people say that the US is a paradise for lawsuits!

  3. Smith says:

    I think Congress should make it illegal for any EULA to exceed 100 words in length. Also, any software sold in stores must have it printed on the OUTSIDE of the box — forcing the markerter to choose between eye-catching graphics or a wordy EULA.

    (Oh, and Microsoft shouldn’t be allowed to print the software liscense number on the throw-away cellophane wraper.)

  4. Jim Scarborough says:

    Good luck getting that Breeder Standard EULA thrown out in court! The web site terms of service commit you to binding arbitration for using the web site. And how much does this precious software cost such that a chargeback would cause $8k damage? $110.

  5. John Schumann says:

    Well no, I haven’t been reading my EULA’s lately. Apple’s is incredible:

    Apple reserves the right, at any time and from time to time, to update, revise, supplement, and otherwise modify this Agreement and to impose new or additional rules, policies, terms, or conditions on your use of the Service. Such updates, revisions, supplements, modifications, and additional rules, policies, terms, and conditions (collectively referred to in this Agreement as “Additional Terms”) will be effective immediately and incorporated into this Agreement. Your continued use of the iTunes Music Store following will be deemed to constitute your acceptance of any and all such Additional Terms. All Additional Terms are hereby incorporated into this Agreement by this reference.

  6. James Ryan says:

    Indeed, what the hell did that $8k EULA come out of ?

  7. Mungojelly says:

    By reading this comment and failing to sacrifice your first born child you have implicitly agreed to send your eternal soul plus $5.95 shipping & handling to… Yeah obviously it’s injustice to enforce their ridiculous EULAs but this isn’t exactly a just society, now is it? Let’s make all of our stuff have EULAs on it that make you promise not to write ridiculous EULAs, and maybe they’ll all accidentally click through one of them.

  8. Dave says:

    I say we start a campaign to have a EULA for the consumer and other average joe people. Something like, “By allowing Company to debit my checking account on a regular basis, they are expressly agreeing that they will refund 7X (Seven Times) the anual amount taken out if they provide anything less than sub-standard service to the end user of their product or service. Further, Company agrees completely that the term “Sub-standard service” is defined as anything that the end user (User) deems as inappropriate. This may include and is not limited to items such as, harrassing phone calls, not paying over-draft charges caused as a result of Company’s debit, failure to answer a customer service phone call on the 2nd ring, and any other item that User may deem inappropriate.

    Think about it, if we didn’t buy their software, use their service, subscribe to their monthly this or that, they’d not be in business… So maybe we should start a campaign to FORCE them to agree to our demands before we partake of their offerings….

    My 2 cents.

  9. Eideard says:

    Dave, how about a EULA for taxpayers? So, when we get screwed by the government, they have to compensate us, say, 800%. Starting with the income acquired by members of Congress while they’re in office — or in the years following if they’re employed as lobbyists.


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