Just name it merlot and be done with it

Here’s a humorous net gag going around the email boxes of America. Found by John Markoff. It’s based on an AP report as the lead-in to the gags.

BENTONVILLE, ARK (AP) — Some Walmart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: Walmart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto,California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of WalMart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. She
said: “The right name is important.”

So, here we go:

The top 12 suggested names for Walmart Wine:

12. Chateau Traileur Parc
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Wal-Mart “Merde du Pays”
7. NASCARbernet
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Chateau des Moines
3. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling
And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine …

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with white meat (Possum) and red meat (squirrel).



  1. Will not be able to get it in PA, stupid state law says win can only be sold in “State Stores”

  2. C. Flowers says:

    what about “discardonay”? : )

  3. Dan Collins says:

    You forgot to mention how well wal-mart wine goes with catfood pat’e.

  4. Zach says:

    Name it Sam’s Choice and be done with it. lol

  5. Greg L says:

    I can the marketing campaign now…”Recommend by John C. Dvorak”

  6. Pat says:

    Will this be sold in the Check out counters?

    How is it for taking blood stains out of the carpet?

    If you drink too much will you go blind?

    Are the grapes crushed or whole, you know, for texture?

  7. Floyd says:

    “If you drink too much will you go blind?”

    Well, you might need glasses…

    Obvious name for Wal Mart wine: Chateau Bubba Vinyards.

  8. Thomas says:

    This is reminiscent of the scene from “The Jerk”…”Give me some new wine none of this old stuff…” I’ve always wondered if people will buy urine in a bottle and now we’ll find out. mmm..Walmart White PukeInAPail sold in the finest boxes.

  9. RTaylor says:

    Five out of the top ten richest Americans has the last name of Walton. That sort of take the wind out of Wal-Mart jokes for me.

  10. Eideard says:

    RT — so, that’s inherited wealth. That’s like having a special bit of respect for the English royal family. Screw ’em all.

  11. Emery Jeffreys says:

    John:

    How timely. Its NASCAR time in Daytona Beach:

    >> 7 NASCARbernet

  12. charles porcaro says:

    Are “Ripple,” “Boone’s Farm” or “Annie Green Springs” still sold, or are those names available? Doesn’t W*L M*RT already sell “Nascargot” snails.

  13. Tim says:

    What is it wth you and Wal-Mart?

    What is it with your disdain for Wal-Mart customers?

    Comes off as a bit snooty…

  14. Tallwookie says:

    Walmart is a great place to shop in the event that all other retailers in the area are fire-bombed or file chapter-11 bankruptcy…otherwise, avoid walmart at all costs

  15. Mike Cannali says:

    Chateau Des Sams can be found in the automotive section:
    under non-permanent anti-freeze

  16. GregAllen says:

    Tim >>Comes off as a bit snooty…

    For many of us, white trash jokes are self parody.
    ( It’s sort of like African Americans using the N-word. )


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