Woman Claims To Be Jesus Christ, Requests Skeptics Call Her

“I am not mad or psychotic. I am Jesus Christ, and time will prove this.”

Katherine Jhawarelall, 35, of Bridge Road, Seaview, who has a Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of South Africa, majoring in sociology and criminology, said yesterday she was born with the stigmata – bodily marks, or sensations of pain in locations corresponding to the crucifiction wounds of Jesus Christ – but never knew what they were until two years ago.

She said that on the morning of her 33rd birthday on May 15, 2004, she woke up with a swollen arm and realised a message was written on her skin- “Happy birthday Katherine. God gave you life”.

“People have condemned my claim. Some have even called me a fake and Satan. However, I believe this reaction is attributed to the fact that I am female and a Hindu.”

That was going to be my first guess why no one believes her.

You’ll have to read the article to get her phone number.



  1. jason says:

    Ahh…. mental illness – it isn’t what you think it is.

    She claimed she was “7.635 billion light years old” but did not have “flashbacks or visions” of her past.

    Oh boy…..

  2. Gary Marks says:

    She claimed she was “7.635 billion light years old.”

    Wouldn’t a true messiah realize that a light year is a measure of distance? I think it’s in the messiah tutorial.

  3. Anon says:

    Now if she could do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’d have something.

  4. jfstan says:

    Kessel run! Brilliant! And, just as viable a claim..

  5. Carl Trimble says:

    #2 — It is us (mere mortals) that do not understand the *true* meaning of time. I am sure that she (the messiah) would explain that time is a measure of distance as well. Maybe she knows Riley Martin. Those two together in a room would have all of the answers.

    Check out Riley’s site at http://www.thecomingoftan.com/

    Friggin weirdo!

  6. Willard Pate says:

    She is hot…so it must be true.

  7. stalinvlad says:

    Lies!
    I am Jesus

  8. Will says:

    I am 24 light years old and weigh 164 cubic meters. I drive a sedan which gets 7.635 billion Henries per gallon and has 178 becquerels of horsepower.

    Worship me.

  9. mandarin says:

    Reminds me of a Futurama Episode:

    FRY
    I’m Santa Claus!

    [The witnesses gasp.]

    POOPENMEYER
    What? Twenty-seven.

    [Enter Hermes in a Santa outfit.]

    HERMES
    No. I’m Santa Claus.

    POOPENMEYER
    Six.

    [Enter Amy and Farnsworth in Santa outfits.]

    AMY
    (disguised, deeper voice) We’re also
    Santa Claus.

    [Enter Zoidberg dressed as Jesus, surrounded by a white light.]

    ZOIDBERG
    And I’m his friend Jesus!

    FRY
    Your Mayorness, if you execute him,
    you have to execute all of us.

    POOPENMEYER
    You people aren’t Santa. You’re not
    even robots! Ninety-one. How dare you
    lie in front of Jesus! Hey! Zero!

    [He throws the switch and sends the electricity through the electromagnets.
    Bender’s arms and legs are pulled to them.]

    BENDER
    No! Not the magnets! (singing) Swing
    low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry
    me home. Swing low sweet–

    FRY
    This is horrible.

    FARNSWORTH
    But it’s not boring!

    [Santa’s sleigh crashes through the wall, knocking off one of
    the electromagnets.]

    SANTA
    Ho ho ho!

    [He shoots the other electromagnet off the wall. Everyone scatters
    except for Fry, Leela, Bender and Poopenmeyer. Fry and Leela
    dive behind some rubble.]

    POOPENMEYER
    My God! The real Santa! Get him, Jesus!

    ZOIDBERG
    I help those who help themselves.

  10. jon says:

    Actually, the Kessel Run passes near a large black hole. The faster your ship is, the closer to the black hole you can go, and therefore the shorter the trip. Therefore, completing it in only 12 Parsecs means he got really close to the black hole, which means he had a really fast ship to escape the gravity of the black hole.

  11. Mike Voice says:

    KB,

    Love the picture! 🙂

  12. KB says:

    Thanks, Mike Voice. Alas, in this particular case, I can’t take credit, because the link to the pic I had chosen turned bad, and this pic was inserted in my absense.

    I agree that it works with the post !

  13. Anon says:

    Good call, #6

  14. Johnny-Cakes says:

    #10 ah, so that’s how they explained that. I was wondering when someone was going to go back and try to explain Lucas’ total screw-up in regards to using the term “parsec”.

  15. OldDug says:

    Just gotta say one thing about nut cases like this. All my six decade long life I have observed in movies and TV, newspapers, magazines and now on the internet innumerable persons stepping foward to say they are Jesus. If any one crazy attention needy soul of them actually read about Him in the Bible, they would see that yes He is coming back, but not to do that walking around on feet of clay thing again. He had enough of human mistreatment the first time and is coming back kicking ass (He already took names).

  16. woktiny says:

    hullo! majoring in socialogy?!

    can anyone say “social experiment?”

  17. Interesting that the marks are on her palms. Chances are that the the nails that attached Jesus to the cross went through his wrist – had they gone through the palms they would not have been able to support his weight.

  18. BKDPRO says:

    One thing is for sure and this IS the truth, I promise. Read this phrase very carefully about Jesus Christ from me: If you don’t believe in Jesus Christ, I can promise you ALL one thing and that is, “EVERY LAST PERSON ON THIS PLANET WILL FIND OUT!”


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