CCTV warning for Beijing kissers – The next time you’re in Beijing and fancy kissing someone in public, be warned – you could be caught on closed-circuit television, and labeled as a criminal by the computers who monitor the footage.

Will China’s human rights abuses ever end? Now you cannot grope your sweet mama in public? And this country will host the Olympics in 2008, outrageous!

According to reports, Beijing’s couples are being warned that ‘intimate acts of lovers may be initially categorized as “kidnapping” or “robbery” by the computers, which are programmed to be sensitive to violations of safe distances.’

Yeah, yeah, blame it on the programmers, not on the Totalitarian system, typical….

But fortunately, the young lovers’ fate won’t be decided purely by some emotionless machine which doesn’t understand the concept of ‘love’. In such situations, police officers monitoring the cameras will look at the footage of the kissing people to decide if the situation really is dangerous. Which is both reassuring, and slightly creepy.

Not so creepy if you are an exhibitionist, but I digress.

But there will be some warning for amorous couples, the Xinhua news agency said. Signs will go up next month in areas covered by the cameras, saying in Chinese and English ‘you are entering a camera-monitored zone.’ Which should kill any romance nicely.

Or highten the romance (see comment above)

Closed-circuit cameras are becoming more common in Beijing.

Yes, it’s good to see Totalitarian China catching up with England.

  1. BubbaRay says:

    Whoa — now when I venture outside I’ll wear a dark suit and tie, sunglasses, put on a ‘poker’ face, talk occasionally into my sleeve, and carry a copy of “1984” wherever I go. 😕

    [absolutely absurdly off topic]
    On the same page as the article, this link seemed interesting — Petrol Powered Roller Skates. “The skates are so dangerous we are too worried about putting them on to test them.”

    With a pair of those skates on, maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about the cameras….

  2. Dauragon88 says:


    TO THE GALLOWS WITH THEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    Dear China,

    Ever since you’ve started setting the example for our government, life has sucked. Fuck you.



  4. bobbo says:

    Article doesn’t say it, but I assume these cameras are going up in the tourist areas or the high density areas or maybe even in preparation for the Olympics to ward off the criminal element?

    Why aren’t you paranoid privacy nutballs complimenting the Chinese for posting warning signs or is having privacy to fornicate in public your only goal?

  5. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #5 – We aren’t nutballs… So when you ask the question right, we’ll answer it.

  6. bobbo says:

    6–My my. Touchy in our declining days? Humor never appreciated when its too close to the target.

    Crime or perversion, only need for privacy.

  7. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #7 – Sorry if I seem touchy… I’m not… But then print lacks some nuance.

    Privacy is a need in and of itself. It’s a basic human need for good health.

  8. bobbo says:

    8–OFTLO, and I’m not really after you. Just thought it was a funny way to express the opposition on a subject that was pretty well beat through last week.

    Humans don’t have any such needs, privacy or otherwise, and this sounds like religion to me==ie, not enough to have privacy/religion at home, have to have it everywhere even to the detriment of those who don’t want it.

    Is crime fighting AFTER the fact the only privacy respecting policy you support, or what “active/competent/preventitive” measures are you for??

    What about bright lights in parking garages???? How is that different than camera? ((Think more broadly?))

  9. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #9 – You are opposing positions that I didn’t take.

    Not only that, who the hell doesn’t want privacy? You may not think humans need privacy, but they do.

    And it isn’t religion and you know that. Religion has to do with the belief in mythological superbeings. Privacy is about leaving us the fuck alone.

  10. Mister Mustard says:

    >>not enough to have privacy/religion at home, have to have it
    >>everywhere even to the detriment of those who don’t want it.

    Well, with Dumbya’s Totalitarian Regime(R) in power, we lost any opportunity for “privacy at home”. So we’ve got to get it where ever we can.

    This whole “cameras everywhere” thing skeeves me out. I’d like to see some stats on how many dangerous perps are busted for all the millions of perv-hours spent by platinum members of the voyeuristic pocket-protector elite watching some horny 15-year-old kid trying to get his sweaty fingers inside of Muffy’s bra. Echh.

  11. bobbo says:

    10–OFTLO—why not address the issue rather than quibble with the obvious? I for one do not value privacy in public areas, so it can’t be a universal human need. Religion goes to kneejerk conformity with dogma as much as to mythological beings.

    11—Mustard, that is the trade-off. Security for less privacy in public areas. We just about constantly see criminals (and cops) caught in the act with security camera’s at the 7/11?

    I gotta think “some” of the more intelligent folks would go elsewhere to commit crime if they KNOW the cameras are there? Only thing I have seen is that traffic intersections with camera’s experience fewer violations over time.

    Always good to have “facts” though.

  12. TIHZ_HO says:

    #5 Article doesn’t say it, but I assume these cameras are going up in the tourist areas or the high density areas or maybe even in preparation for the Olympics to ward off the criminal element?

    Your are absolutely correct. However the criminal element in China is subdued compared to the American / Western style violent crime and is virtually non-existent in China. A Chinese version of COPS would be a very boring TV show indeed. (Even Indonesia is tame compared to the States)

    My wife and I reside in Shanghai and we have never felt threatened being out and about, besides someone taking a piss on the side of a road.

    This was entirely a another matter when we moved to the States (MN) for 11 months in 2005. There were definite “no-go” zones all around. So we are happy to be back in totalitarian, human rights violating China.

    From my observations between Chinese and Americans, Chinese are completely focused on getting ahead in life, making money etc while Americans, it seems, are in a routine in life with too much time on their hands bitching about things they can never change.

    The feeling one gets living in China is everything is dynamic everything is changing, growing, evolving, improving. (Maybe this is what America was like after WWII.) However say in America or Britain life is…well…stagnant in comparison. This is a very common feeling for ex pats who have lived in China for a few years find its hard to settle back to their old life when they repatriate.

    “Its impossible to describe the ocean to a frog living in a well” so the ancient Chinese proverb goes. So unless one experiences it, one cannot understand it.

    Another thing is living in China is funny as hell!! The Chinglish (Chinese English), things you see on the street or even the news stories will crack you up! Like a sign I saw advertising “Brain Stronger Pills”



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