Associated Press – December 21, 2007:

A woman stabbed her husband with a kitchen knife following an argument that began when she accused him of opening a Christmas present early, authorities said Friday.

Misty Johnson, 34, was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and battery, a felony, and misdemeanor domestic battery. Her husband, Shawn Fay Johnson, 34, was treated at a hospital for a wound to the chest, police said.

Authorities said Shawn Johnson called 911 just before 1 a.m. Wednesday to report that his wife had stabbed him. He told police that his wife started arguing with him over his opening a Christmas present, according to court records.

  1. Gary, the dangerous infidel says:

    I guess this is one time when the battery was included (not to mention assault). Careful shoppers always check 😉

  2. BubbaRay says:

    Whoa. Obviously this woman has not watched many episodes of “CSI”. Let’s see what she gets for her birthday…

  3. Dallas says:

    The important thing is he got what he wanted for Christmas. Don’t let the stabbing take away from the her thoughtful gift wrapping.

  4. Thank You Cheeses says:

    (Making a mental note not to fuck with Misty).

  5. Angel H. Wong says:


    Unless Misty wants to fuck you 😉

  6. Perry Noiya says:

    I see the hotlinked image is also a link to the website from which it was stol… uh borrowed. I am sure they appreciated the huge influx of infidel visitors from this blog.

    Does this represent a change in policy?


  7. Thanks You Cheeses says:

    #6 – You are right! It took me to a religious web site. I need deprogramming and eye bleach.

  8. SN says:

    “I see the hotlinked image is also a link to the website from which it was stol… uh borrowed.”

    God, next time you have an urge to mash your keyboard, take some time and think about what you’re going to type first. Just a suggestion. Thanks.

  9. Gary, the dangerous infidel says:

    #6 Perry, we infidels are always looking for a temporary seasonal replacement for the Jesus-fish that we normally have on our cars. That Christmas tree car magnet is just what I was looking for to celebrate the holy season of buying useless shit.

    And a tip o’ the hat to old Saint SN 😉

  10. Glenn E. says:

    It’s a good thing this couple wasn’t jewish, and that they don’t have Hanukkah presents to fight over. Or we’d be reading how Hanukkah was responsible for domestic violence. Oh wait, we wouldn’t. The press won’t dare touch that one. BTW, I wonder if atheists are also supposed to be immune to violence? I quess there’s no percentage in running a news item about an atheist who stabbed their spouse. Cause we’d all be saying, “Well what’s so unexpected about that?!”

  11. Ho-Lip Tex says:

    #10 Glenn E.:

    The only post here that has attempted to paint Christians as morans is yours. Good job.

  12. Cursor_ says:

    Ahh if only he would have let her open her present of Effexor first… this would NEVER have happened!


  13. TIHZ_HO says:

    Not to nitpick (but I am) 😉

    Jesus was not always the reason for the season as he was definitely not born on December 25th. As part of the conversion of ancient Roman to Christianity the celebration “Dies Natalis Solis Invicti”, “the birthday of the unconquered sun” became Jesus’s.

    There is no mention at all in the bible regarding the date of the birth of Jesus and the gospels contradict each other exactly where he was born in addition to whether he was rich or poor. (Don’t forget the bible is infallible and absolutely true)

    During this conversion many aspects of the Christian faith were distorted such as moving the sabbath from Saturday to Sunday.

    Another interesting fact is the name Jesus is not correct. Jesus is from the Latin Iēsus that originally came from the Greek Iesous. So unless Mary and Joseph spent a lot of time in Greece it is not likely they would name Jesus with a Greek name. Instead scholars who have studied the Greek texts found that Iesous translated from Yehoshua or Joshua or as his friends called him Josh for short.

    Josh the Christ??

    Oh and Christ came from the Greek Christos meaning King (Messiah means ‘anointed one’ or king as well not saviour) So perhaps the Hebrew/Aramaic term Yeshua “he will save” is better and also a root for Joshua…

    Josh the Yeshua. What, you vant to argue, he vas von of us already (hand up in the air)…

    #9 forget about the Jesus Fish as a lot of shit will need to be changed…


  14. Mister Catshit says:

    Actually I like that Christmas Tree magnet. Only it might clash with my Darwin Fish and Ditch Mitch bumper sticker.

  15. Mister Catshit says:

    I read the story to my wife and kid. I also mentioned that feeling, shaking, rattling, bending, smelling, and squeezing may result in the same punishment at our house. The kid gave me one of those “ya right Dad” looks and picked up a gift and started shaking it. Yes, there were loose pieces in it and it should have rattled. My quick comment of “Oh oh, sounds broken” made her even more quickly replace it with a severe look of guilt and fear on her face.

    Aaaahh, thanks for the weapon Saint SN. You’re more than a pretty face.

  16. Gary, the dangerous infidel says:

    #14 Mister Catshit, try trading your Darwin Fish for a Jesus Fish, and you’ll find you can drive an extra 5-10 mph faster without getting a ticket. I call it “the Miracle of the Speeding Jesus Fish,” and it’s especially prevalent when the cops are Christians 😉


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