I would be hard pressed to think of a more important issue for an elected official to spend his time and his constituent’s tax money on than ridding our land of the scourge of truck testicles.

All together now: Castrate our trucks! Castrate our trucks!

Virginia lawmaker seeks ban on replica genitalia after girl spots rubber testicles on truck
It is one thing to dangle fuzzy dice from a rear view mirror, but decorating a truck’s trailer hitch with a large pair of rubber testicles might be a bit much in Virginia.

State lawmaker Lionel Spruill introduced a bill Tuesday to ban displaying rubber replicas of male genitalia on vehicles,
calling it a safety issue because it could distract other drivers.

Under his measure, displaying the ornamentation on a motor vehicle would be a misdemeanor punishable by a maximum fine of $250.


Click pic if you need a pair




  1. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #60 – The original post and my hypothetical that you did initially agree with was that there is/can be a public safety issue as well.

    Never in this thread or any other have I agreed that there is a public safety issue.

    Is the speech inherent in rubber testicles important enough to allow uptight moralist asshats to cause accidents?

    Yes. Assuming that uptight moralist asshats are causing the accidents, it is the asshats who are at fault… not the redneck who thinks these absurd little balls are funny.

    I absolutely do not think these nuts are funny, but I defend everyone else’s right to snicker like fools at them.

    I say there is no value at all in this so called speech, very little value in the asshats,

    I agree. I also agree that Larry Flint’s cartoon of Jerry Falwell fucking his mother in an outhouse has no real humor value in and of itself… yet, the Supreme Court protected it.

    but a protectable interest in the lives/safety of the innocents the asshats run into.

    Do we have any data at all that rubber balls are causing accidents? I doubt very seriously that we do. And even if a few fender benders occurred because some driver was looking at these plastic nuts, it is that driver who caused the accident.

    People have been in accidents because they were distracted by girls in miniskirts, squirrels, 50% off sale signs in store windows, and a whole variety of other things.

    Do you propose we ban girls in miniskirts, squirrels, 50% off sale signs in store windows, and a whole variety of other things?

  2. iGlobalWarmer says:

    “Yes. Any ornamentation that involves roof mounted rocket launchers, napalm, a giant bucket that drops nails on the road, lasers, wild wombats, or anything like that should be regulated.”

    No it shouldn’t. Since any non-felon should be able to own any weapons system they want, they should be able to mount them on their vehicle as well.

  3. the Three-Headed Cat™ says:

    “Since any non-felon should be able to own any weapons system they want, they should be able to mount them on their vehicle as well.”

    No problem with selling Uzis to paranoid psychotics who hear voices, then, right? As long as they don’t have a record, they are competent to bear antipersonnel weapons, have I got that straight?

  4. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #63 – Don’t read too much into #62… He’s just a nut.

    But, he’s a mighty fine BBQ chef, so I like to cut him slack for his ludicrously outrageous and borderline satirical opinions.

  5. A Mom says:

    Using the “public safety” issue is just a way of outlawing this lewd truck implement! I don’t REALLY believe it is a public safety issue, come on.

    I really don’t believe that everyone has a right to free speech if their form of speech is mean spirited and or extremely vulgar. (Yes, I do find the rubber testicles extremely vulgar. We have children to protect!

    I know that I will never win a “free speech” argument however, when common sense and courtesy to others flies off the face of the earth, I wish we could censor thing a bit more.

    I am well aware that “for the love of” probably won’t like my post here. Let’s see if he can give me a reply that isn’t too condescending… 🙂

  6. bobbo says:

    64–OFTLO==its a balancing act. Hard to learn to juggle more than one idea at a time, I know==but keen constitutional rights appreciation does require it. Should mini-skirted babes be outlawed from walking on sidewalks because asshats will have car wrecks? Good valid hypo.

    If traffic safety were as absolute in my mind as free speech (self involvement?) is in yours, then I would say yes. But–walking involves many other factors NOT related to traffic whereas driving a car can easily be proscribed as being solely traffic related==so my final answer is that the freedom for young babes to get nekkid outweights the safety concerns of an asshat.

    PS–I did note and chuckled at your observation I normally come around. Yes, I do try to consider all positions. Give it a try.,

  7. Mister Catshit says:

    #64,

    But, he’s a mighty fine BBQ chef, so I like to cut him slack for his ludicrously outrageous and borderline satirical opinions.

    Didn’t Jeffery Dahmer get credit for being a great BBQ chef too? I understand people raved about his burgers and ribs.

  8. iGlobalWarmer says:

    #63 – I’ll give you that one. There should be no weapons limitations on normal people though. If someone with enough bucks, like Bill G. wanted his own nuke, he should be able to have one.

  9. Uncle Dave says:

    #68: I’m not sure he cooked them. I think he was into human sushi.

  10. bobbo says:

    #65–Mom==A law targeted at ONLY rubber testicles fails the public safety analysis. Thats why I “tried” to frame the issue as “all car ornaments.” That does frame a reasonable debate–not from OFTLO since he treats the subject as you do as one of his personal preferences.

    Freedom of speech means nothing if your courtesy standard has to be met. I can only imagine what else you find objectionable, so don’t take us down that slippery slope, you started 80% of the way down already.

  11. Shadowbird says:

    I repeat…this is not a freedom of speech issue. This is a matter of brain power.

    They should not be banned out of vulgarity or because of them being a distraction; the fact that they are supremely stupid should be reason enough to ban them.

    So while the rest of you debate the First Amendment into tatters, nothing changes the fact that the people who would put these on their vehicle are supremely juvenile and stupid. May they never reproduce (or reproduce again if they already have).

  12. iGlobalWarmer says:

    #71 – If you’re going to outlaw stupidity, most elected offices would be vacant.

  13. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #65 – Let’s see if he can give me a reply that isn’t too condescending…

    I don’t see that happening. 🙂

    What you are essentially promoting is the idea that your sense of morality, civility, courtesy, and taste is superior to all others and you would subjectively legislate aesthetics.

    The cornerstone of our free* society is our freedom of speech. Our unique ability to put any idea or expression into the public marketplace of ideas lends to every last man, woman, and child** the absolute and unassailable right to comment on the state of the culture, ethics, faith, politics, or what have you.

    Take this away, and you are now marginalizing wide swatches of people, not because they are inferior, but because you feel they are inferior.

    I’ve said before and shall say again, there is no such thing as harmful words. There is also no such thing as harmful images. Generally we’ve reached an uneasy peace, as a people, by somewhat agreeing to this tenuous notion of community standards when it comes to things that we perceive as profane or pornographic, and pushing those expressions indoors or underground. That’s a shame particularly because the standard in any given community is too often not the community’s standard, but rather the standards of a minority who wields influence through wealth and power and who typically represent their own narrow demographic***

    If we were a vigilant people who said, “we want porn in brown wrappers behind the counter” and we left it at that, we’d probably be okay. But often a narrow and self righteous group seeks to impose censorship on others, not because what others say or show is profane, but because they don’t share the same values. For example, trying to shut down a gay pride parade or protesting an art exhibit that isn’t positive toward a certain religion or worse yet, shows women as bold, independent, and/or authoritative.

    The slippery slope is that we, in the guise of protecting children, or some subjective moral sensibility, censor the things we all (well, most, not all) think are just crude or without value, but once we do that, we slide toward putting the muzzle on artists making critical statements, religious minorities expressing alternative ideas, and finally land in the lap of silencing political voices whose only crime is opposing the status quo. Not worried about that? Go to a public appearance of President Bush and try to protest outside the “free speech zone”.

    Citizenship in a pluralistic secular democratic republic with an outlined decree of rights for all, isn’t easy. Your freedom and liberty are dependent on mine and hers and that guy over there’s and the artist with the crucifix in the cup of urine (which I admit, I don’t get) and the topless lesbian with a slogan painted across her… well, you know… you have to support all these people, or you have none yourself.

    Bobbo thinks I’m inflexible about First Amendment issues. He’s right. I am. I’m also inflexible about slavery. I will not live as one. Thus, I must be inflexible about speech and expression. And so must you, or you might as well put the muzzle on yourself and live as a submissive servant to “the authorities”.

    #65 – Let’s see if he can give me a reply that isn’t too condescending…

    Okay… It happened. 🙂

    *at the moment
    **you know, within reason, because children require guidance
    ***often white, male, and Christian

  14. the Three-Headed Cat™ says:

    “***often white, male, and Christian”

    1. White people are people too. A lot of the world, and most of the agents of Western Civilization, for that matter.

    2. Males are people too. Last time I checked, they were something like half the human species…

    3. Oh, well. One outta three ain’t so bad. 🙂

  15. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #70 – That does frame a reasonable debate–not from OFTLO since he treats the subject as you do as one of his personal preferences.

    My preference is that we live in a society that actually rejects our basest elements and celebrates excellence over mediocrity and crudity. I’d rather we listened to the best music and sought diversity rather than rushing to the bland and familiar. I’d rather we watched movies by the best writers and directors and actors than bought tickets to sensationalist pablum. I prefer the wit of Oscar Wilde over Larry The Cable Guy.

    The reality is different and if I am to live up to my notion that diversity is a virtue then I must support the right of people to hang plastic testicles on their hideous redneckmobiles as readily as I support the things that I actually like.

    But I agree with everyone here who says its crude and stupid. I just don’t agree that I have any right to do anything about it beyond voicing my opinion that it is crude and stupid.

  16. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #74 – I have no problems with people being white or male or even Christian. I’m 2/3 of that demographic.

    But white and male (adding rich to that) make up the majority of the power base in the USA and responsible leadership, in my opinion, allows for cultural differences.

    I’m not saying that white, male, Christians are bad leaders. I’m saying that “”some”” white, male, Christians (probably not even most) abuse their power to try and shape a world that meets their personal standards and not a standard that can be accepted by all, or at least most.

    I guess I’m saying that intolerance is generally bad.

    I’m also still saying that rubber balls are stupid. (although if I hung a pair on my 1999 Mercury Villager, they cease to be stupid and become ironic) 🙂 (not entirely unlike the spinners I saw yesterday on a run down mid 90s Toyota Corolla)

  17. the Three-Headed Cat™ says:

    Sometimes – just sometimes, mind you – the standards of white men, who, like it or not, are responsible for most of the things that constitute civilization, are the correct ones. Tolerance, inclusiveness, cultural relativism, condemnation of slavery, universal human rights, a just system of law, EQUALITY – these are all things the world learned from DWEMs, as much as they despise having to admit it (those who are honest enough to admit it). 🙂

  18. Judge Jewdy says:

    I spayed our truck and now it’s just getting fat and lying by the door.

  19. the Three-Headed Cat™ says:

    Yeah, but now it doesn’t get in fights with all the other trucks on the block, does it?

  20. bobbo says:

    #73 & #75–OFTLO==excellent posts as is the norm when you give it the time to do so. (Ain’t work pesky?)

    Absolutist positions are inane and therefore irrelevant. The closer you are to an absolute position, the more inane and irrelevant you become.

    Perhaps if you understood there is more than just one right in the Constitutition you would see the need to balance?

    Now, in a discussion of the right to free speech vs the right to public safety, it is fair to come down on the side of free speech when it comes to car ornaments–but not with the rational you give.

  21. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #80 – #73 & #75–OFTLO==excellent posts as is the norm when you give it the time to do so.

    I’d thank you except that later you say… (see below)

    Absolutist positions are inane and therefore irrelevant. The closer you are to an absolute position, the more inane and irrelevant you become.

    I reject this statement because it is absolute.

    Perhaps if you understood there is more than just one right in the Constitutition you would see the need to balance?

    There is one right that makes all the other rights possible to preserve. The First Amendment is the opposable thumb of civilized society. Without, no other right matters because we are savages.

    There is no need for balance. You either preserve the First, or society isn’t worth a damn.

    Now, in a discussion of the right to free speech vs the right to public safety,

    There is no right to public safety.

    it is fair to come down on the side of free speech when it comes to car ornaments–but not with the rational you give.

    Absolutely it is, with my rational.

    Understand… I don’t care about the academics or theory of it. It’s not a brain teaser to get my IQ jollies with. You can do your fun little pedantic wordgames all you like, but I will kill people to defend the First Amendment, were it to become necessary.

  22. Mister Catshit says:

    #71, Shadowbird,

    They should not be banned out of vulgarity or because of them being a distraction; the fact that they are supremely stupid should be reason enough to ban them.

    The fact is these plastic adornments are stupid just puts them into a class of a whole bunch of other stupid things. Sort of like those black velvet Elvis Poster art thingys a few years back. Whatever the heck they were called. Believe it or not, there are still people today revering them as true works of art. Who am I to tell you to take it off your wall?

    If the plastic balls are banned, what about the propeller spinners some put on the hitch? What about those stupid spinners on the wheels? What about those even stupider lights under the car? What about those trucks with more lights than the New York skyline?

    In other words, stopping stupid begs the question; where do you stop?

  23. BALLSOUT says:

    i’ve had balls on my truck for two years and never seen it cause an accident. not everybody likes them. some people just don’t get it. including some posting on here. lionel’s motivation is because he didn’t know how to explain it to his child. i am a father and i had to explain it to my son as well as several nephews and nieces.(my penance for bringing it to their attention) I didn’t stop maturing at 12 or any of the other stereotypes I read. Didn’t read every post. I know several guys who have balls and each seems to have their own reason/meaning for them. OK tough guys now you can talk trash.

  24. Maggie says:

    Wonder how many of the ‘outraged’ are the same people who freaked out with moral indignation at Janet Jackson’s nipple on TV.

  25. Maggie says:

    I should have clarified… I meant the outraged testicle lovers. Not the outraged public. ALL of the latter were in a spin about the nipple. But I bet lots of the other bubbas were too.

  26. mortree says:

    But we have the freedom to make people conform to the PC ideal of our Democracy!

    Democracy means government forcing conformity to the rules selected by the majority of voters. Democracy is about the suppression of the losers.

    American Democracy is about suppressing the election losers without killing them (we call that tolerance).

  27. sunyellowgold says:

    These ARE neuticles for truck drivers who wish they had some.

  28. bullsballs says:

    I have a set of bulls balls on my F250.
    I hung them there as america is being pussified by the libtards.
    Any and all male displays of power and supremacy is being neutered. Go ahead try to take my balls fagets…
    If your kids don’t know the difference between boys and girls, they you are the child molester that needs to be locked up!

    HAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!!!!!!!1!!!!!!11!!!!!

    #87, this is for you!

    WAT ABUNCH A NUTZ!!!!!1!11!!!!

  29. bullsballs says:

    I have a set of bulls balls hanging from the rear of my F-250, and why not? I call my truck “Ferdinand, the BULL…” And my truck has BALLS, something most American men lack today…

    As to protecting the chillins, well your kids see more nudity in a day than you do in a year… Bet they see around 30 other kids naked in the showers at school every day after PE… And after school, bet they are hanging out (literally!) masturbating or more together!

    Ladies, admit it, you just have penis envy, thats why you want your men neutered…

    No thanks! I’ll keep my balls swinging in the breeze!


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