The Full Nicotine, ‘Snack-Size’ Cigarette For Quick Smoking Outdoors

Published on February 3rd, 2008

Obsolete

A quick fix for outdoor smokers

NIPPING out for a quick smoke is about to become even quicker. Philip Morris, the tobacco giant, is planning a “snack-size” cigarette for the smoking-ban age.

The compact cigarette will be shorter than existing brands but just as smoky: it will deliver the same potency while taking less time to puff.

Marlboro Intense is designed to appeal to employees who are forced to take quick outdoor cigarette breaks while at work, often in cold weather.

Oh, how thoughtful of them!

31 users responded in " The Full Nicotine, ‘Snack-Size’ Cigarette For Quick Smoking Outdoors "

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# 1 Mister Apeshit said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 5:48 am

Why don’t they just eat them?

# 2 Jägermeister said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 6:02 am

Why not just compress a month’s worth of smoking into three minutes by enjoying a large one and just add the additional buzz.

# 3 pedro said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 6:30 am

Actually Uncle, I don’t blame the Tobacco comapnies, but the (insert expletive) that keep smoking regardless of countless stories and warnings from people who know better.

Don’t know why, a picture of a cliff with lots of warnings all around and people running towards it came to mind

# 4 Gary, the dangerous infidel said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 6:39 am

This is brilliant, and another fine example of why free market capitalism is still the envy of the world. Companies need that all-important profit incentive to inspire them to do their very best work.

Now R.J. Reynolds is certain to feel the heat of competitive pressure, and they’ll probably counter with snack-sized disposable syringes loaded with pre-measured doses of nicotine for an even quicker injectable fix. And employers will be relieved that “cigarette breaks” are much shorter, making their employees more productive and raising their stock price. This is really good news for America.

# 5 Jägermeister said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 6:57 am

Perhaps they should borrow and modify a well-known slogan…

Cigarettes don’t kill people, people kill themselves.

# 6 pedro said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 7:47 am

#4 Kudos. The finest sarcasm I’ve read here.

# 7 Gary, the dangerous infidel said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 7:57 am

Thanks, Pedro. As a long-reformed former smoker, my sarcasm on this subject flows like a freakin’ river

# 8 OmarTheAlien said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 8:22 am

So far it’s only being introduced in Turkey, and while the Turks are apparently an intense bunch that need regular smoke breaks, the new cigarette isn’t set for global release just yet.
Thing is nicotine can kill you as dead as crack, heroin and the rest of the nasties, just maybe not as quick, and either cigarettes should be treated as the other killer substances, or perhaps the other drugs regulated like cigarettes.
As a reformed smoker, drinker and consumer of illicit, uh, whatever, all I know is that no matter the pressures to reform, an individual will not quit smoking, drinking, snorting, shooting, etc, until that individual is ready. The trick is to survive until the epiphany strikes.

# 9 gregallen said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 8:51 am

You gotta give the tobacco guys credit for understanding the changing reality of using their product.

Next they need to market a cigarette that doesn’t set off the smoke alarms in airplane bathrooms.

# 10 Eric said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 8:55 am

Sadly, this will make smokers even more addicted, since a lot of the addiction is taken care of with the initial “hit” of nicotine. Now that they’ve gone and given it the Red Bull treatment, I see people having an even more difficult time getting through the physical addiction.

# 11 Cinaedh said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 9:16 am

#7 – Gary, the dangerous infidel

“As a long-reformed former smoker, my sarcasm on this subject flows like a freakin’ river.”

Hey, I recognize you! Smokers (and non-smokers like me, too) just love guys like you.

What would it take to get you to go back to smoking? For all our sakes…

# 12 Kyusoath said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 9:31 am

# 8

yes i think all drugs should be legalised and regulated, it makes more sense and costs government a lot less than the ‘war on drugs’.

i totally understand people not liking smoke, but these days it seems the anti smoking people dislike smokers, some of these replies show it too.

yes the evidence suggests ’smoking kills’, but a great majority of smokers are well aware of this but, like me, do not care. alcohol, cars, CO2, fat and many other things are bad for us, some bring very obvious tangible benefits, some do not. humans do things for reasons other than pure logic and survival.

i really enjoy a nice artery clogging double meat and bacon footlong BMT from subway with a large coke and a cigarette. yes i often smoke and eat at the same time , a lot of smokers find that nasty. i greatly enjoy it and will not be stopping anytime soon. oh yes its crazy isn’t it ? i’m just killing myself! i won’t be alive to witness all the great things ahead for the world….

# 13 Gary, the dangerous infidel said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 9:53 am

#11 Cinaedh asks, “What would it take to get you to go back to smoking? For all our sakes…”

I won’t even consider it unless you get a lot more signatures on your petition. Then I’ll probably just copy down the names

# 14 pedro said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 10:09 am

Now, that was just mean

# 15 Cinaedh said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 10:17 am

#13 – Gary, the dangerous infidel

I’m pleased to recognize your surprisingly pleasant sense of humor.

Usually, born-again non-smokers are just annoying and generally unpleasant. Well done! The sense of humor is a refreshing variation on the archetype.

# 16 Named said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 10:18 am

This is a fantastic idea. I usually run out and haul furiously on a smoke, get through half of it and kill the rest. This is exactly what I need.

# 17 doug said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 10:20 am

Mmm, I wonder if it only gives you a little snack sized cancer?

# 18 hhopper said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm

smoking=deathwish

# 19 michael said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 1:44 pm

All you militant non smokers are just jealous of how fucking cool we smokers are.

# 20 Lou Bix said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm

Should have called them power Buts.
The But Nazis will be in an uproar over this.
I love it. He He

# 21 Glenn E. said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 4:27 pm

I continues to amaze me how the tobacco industry can keep altering its product, in order to maintain its addictive hold on it users. And the US congress permits its existance as an uncontrolled substance. The Tobacco maker can’t argue that they’re cramming all the flavor of a regular cigarette into shorter burning time. Why not just make it into a piece of candy then? It’s the nicotine that they’re cramming into a shorter burning cigarette, not the flavor. And altering how much there is of THAT, is altering the natural levels of nicotine that were “grandfathered” as a legal product decades ago. They’ve already admitted to genetically altering the tobacco plants to boost the nicotine level 15% over the unaltered plant. And Congress was asleep over that. The industry will do everything except remove the nicotine from their product. Because they know that’s what truely keeps people hooked. Keeping in cigarette form, is all that keeps it from being regulated as a controlled substance. Or rather, keeps Congress from having to own up to its responsibility to make it so.

# 22 Named said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 5:05 pm

21,

The tobacco industry has admitted that they are not sellers or tobacco, but sellers of nicotine. Tobacco is their preferred method of delivery.

Congress loves money, and so long as the tobacco companies pay into the necessary blood fund, everything will be just fine.

# 23 Somebody_Else said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 8:16 pm

It’s your body, and the tobacco companies don’t force you to smoke.

# 24 lou bix said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 9:16 pm

Who’s living forever anyway ?

# 25 Judge Jewdy said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 9:38 pm

#19 said, “All you militant non smokers are just jealous of how fucking cool we smokers are.”

Yeah, I wish I could cough up a lung and smell like shit all the time.

# 26 QB said, on February 3rd, 2008 at 10:26 pm

Here is an amazing fact about Philip Morris. Of the original S&P 500 stocks that are still traded, Philip Morris (now listed as Altria) has outperformed every other stock, has had 50 fold better return than the market as a whole, and has averaged almost a 20% return.

Recently they’ve put their litigation problems behind them and are surging once again. The company has not reduced it’s dividend in 50 years and the good times just keep rolling.

# 27 old waterman said, on February 4th, 2008 at 12:03 am

They are moving this company out of the country so they will not have to put up with this kind of BS. I do not smoke but the last time I checked this was a legal product. We need to run more profitable ,tax payng,legal companys out of the USA. Anyone who says they did not know cigerettes are not healthy is a lier.

# 28 pedro said, on February 4th, 2008 at 12:27 am

like latin american politicians & border crossers, it’s easy to blame someone else for our faults & mistakes

# 29 TIHZ_HO said, on February 4th, 2008 at 1:17 am

#27 I agree, cigarettes are a legal product and smoking is regulated so why not market the product to better conform to regulations the user falls under?

On that thought, why not have beer available in cans with an easily removable label so people can drink in public without having to fool with a paper bag. Makes sense…

If smoking is so bad then make it illegal and be done with it – if not than shut up about it.

Incidentally I don’t agree with no smoking in all bars and restaurants one bit! If you don’t like the smoke firstly, don’t work there, secondly don’t go there – PERIOD! The “Free” US is too over governed!

Cheers

# 30 TIHZ_HO said, on February 4th, 2008 at 1:23 am

#27 old waterman “Anyone who says they did not know cigerettes are not healthy is a lier.”

You forget, Americans are inherently stupid, so it is required to have these warning labels and rules to accommodate the general wisdom of the average ignorance of Americans.

Careful Hot Coffee may be Hot.

Do not attempt to Iron clothes while wearing them.

And so on…

Cheers

# 31 soundwash said, on February 4th, 2008 at 2:59 am

they’ve been selling “short” versions of various marlboro’s for over a year that i’ve noticed. (USA) i think some are called 72mm’s

i don’t like’em at all. they’re reformulated
to burn faster so they smoke even faster than you’d think. on top of that they are harsher on the throat and cost the same as the regular ones.

i don’t know any other smokers that like’em either.

i don’t know if these are the same as the ones mentioned above, but IMO, they wont be fast movers if the follow the same MO. (not that it matters to them)

-s

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