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“Nutter”

LAKELAND, Fla. — Todd Bentley has a long night ahead of him, resurrecting the dead, healing the blind, and exploding cancerous tumors. Since April 3, the 32-year-old, heavily tattooed, body-pierced, shaved-head Canadian preacher has been leading a continuous “supernatural healing revival” in central Florida. To contain the 10,000-plus crowds flocking from around the globe, Bentley has rented baseball stadiums, arenas and airport hangars at a cost of up to $15,000 a day. Many in attendance are church pastors themselves who believe Bentley to be a prophet and don’t bat an eye when he tells them he’s seen King David and spoken with the Apostle Paul in heaven. “He was looking very Jewish,” Bentley notes.

Tattooed across his sternum are military dog tags that read “Joel’s Army.” They’re evidence of Bentley’s generalship in a rapidly growing apocalyptic movement that’s gone largely unnoticed by watchdogs of the theocratic right. According to Bentley and a handful of other “hyper-charismatic” preachers advancing the same agenda, Joel’s Army is prophesied to become an Armageddon-ready military force of young people with a divine mandate to physically impose Christian “dominion” on non-believers.Bentley, who claims to be a supernatural healer, is no less over the top, playing his biker-punk appearance and heavy metal theatrics to the hilt.

On YouTube, where clips of his most dramatic healings have been condensed into a three-minute highlight reel, Bentley describes God ordering him to kick an elderly lady in the face: “I am thinking, ‘God, why is the power of God not moving?’ And He said, ‘It is because you haven’t kicked that women in the face.’ And there was, like, this older lady worshipping right in front of the platform and the Holy Spirit spoke to me and the gift of faith came on me. He said, ‘Kick her in the face … with your biker boot.’ I inched closer and I went like this [makes kicking motion]: Bam! And just as my boot made contact with her nose, she fell under the power of God.”

This guy needs to be locked up immediately.




  1. pfkad says:

    #16 Mustard: Don’t confuse spirituality with religion. Spiritually comes from within. Religion is just a way to impose one brand of it on others. And maybe make a few bucks in the process.

  2. #26 – McC

    >>Now wahckadoodle Christians like this are
    >>highly entertaining.

    Yes, but so are whackadoodle Jews. How about a story lampooning those Orthodox nuts that wave chickens around their head to draw out the sin? (And who doesn’t like a good ham & cheese sandwich??) And so are the whackadoodle “knee-grows” (as my condiment-rack pal Ketchup calls them), whackadoodle cancer patients who go to Mexico for ground-up peach-pit therapy, and all the rest.

    Don’t read too much about them, though.

    In any case, I realize that hypocritical, ignoramus f&cktard self-proclaimed “christians” are entertaining.

    That’s why I keep on reading d dot o slash b.

    Keep up the good work.

  3. #31 – PF Flyer

    >>Don’t confuse spirituality with religion.

    They can be the same thing, you know. Religion is a subset of spiritualism.

    Just because there are money-changers in some of the temples doesn’t mean it’s all like that.

    There are plenty of charlatans out there making their pieces of silver off of New Age “spirituality”. It’s just that the religious charlatans have been around longer, so they’re better at it.

    And then there are those tax breaks…

  4. #27 – Heinz 57

    >>Matt called us bigots. I kind of thought that
    >>was intended for people that hate jews and
    >>knee grows.

    You may be right. I guess other categories include “racist” (like the bogus claims made against Michelle Obama for talking about “Whitey”), homophobe, xenophobe, religious persecutor, hatemonger etc.

    Seems that d dot o slash b has a good representation of all groups.

  5. R.O.P. says:

    Nice call t-bonham, I thought the same thing and I am not religious in the least. Unlike most nut job christians, I am willing to learn about people’s beliefs and “holy” books. All you folks should read Chris Hedges book “American Fascists” where he details the working’s of domimionist/prosperity gospel christian organizations. This nut job is a prime example, along with Mac Hammond, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Kenneth Copeland, et al.

  6. mcolter says:

    In response to #28-Paul was indeed a Jew.He was an Israelite,from the tribe of Benjamin.Reference can be found in Romans 11:1. Oh yeah,that would be found in the bible.

  7. Paul the apostle (Hebrew: שאול התרסי‎ Šaʾul HaTarsi, meaning “Saul of Tarsus”, Ancient Greek: Σαούλ Saul and Σαῦλος Saulos and Παῦλος Paulos[1]), the “Apostle to the Gentiles”[2] (ca 5 – 67CE) was, together with Saint Peter and James the Just,[3] the most notable of early Christian</b: missionaries.

  8. Lou says:

    # 12
    Thats the good thing about the truth. It’s the truth.

  9. I hate to be beating a dead horse but:

    Congregation dismayed to discover that all of the money they raised for their pastor’s brave battle against terminal cancer actually funded his porn addiction.

    http://tinyurl.com/5sz5lh

  10. bobbo says:

    #39==great link. Maybe if he wasn’t religious to begin with, the problems would have been minor and manageable?

    In a different context, the religi-nuts would be proclaiming that study of the bible leads to porn addiction===but not this time.

  11. Jägermeister says:

    #39 – Mister Ketchup

    That link was hilarious!! 😀

  12. deowll says:

    I hate to tell him this but you aren’t supposed to punch holes in your body or mark it if you are a believer.

    Of course I suppose he is a believer but is what he believes in true to the bible or any other holy book as for at that goes?

    If you want real Christian thinking check the Amish.

    If you read Revalations you will note that only the left behind who make it through tribulation have to worry about Armagidden. The odds against anyone making it through are supposed to be poor.

    It gets pretty bad when according to the Holy book you are supposed to be basing your beliefs on you are a nut case.

  13. This story is several months old. Bentley has resigned his position as head of; I think it’s called Fresh Fire Ministries. He has separated from his wife and kids and is involved with a woman who worked for the ministry. The bigger they are the harder they fall. Maybe he can heal his marriage.

  14. Jägermeister says:

    #43 – The Christian Ranter

    Does he still kick old ladies in the head? I mean, he might have a hard time to kick the habit.

  15. R.O.P. says:

    I agree with deowll, the Amish are willing to follow their peaceful beliefs. The Quakers and Jehovah’s Witnesses are also incredibly peaceful (yeah they proselytize here and it’s irritating but other major religions hold people under the water until they see the light in other countries).

  16. Nimby says:

    #43 = God said to him, “You’ve done enough, Todd. Now take the money and run! Oh, and take that lady with you…”

  17. Billy Bob says:

    This is what happens when you end the Inquisition and stop executing heretics.

  18. Mister Ketchup says:

    I’ll bet that this guy ends up in the Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program.

  19. Mr. Fusion says:

    #24, Angel,

    Maybe, but I’m sure there will be more than a few six day bears and one day preacher on that list.

    *

    #36, mcolter,

    He was an Israelite,from the tribe of Benjamin.

    That is not what it said on his chariot license. More accurately though, I should ask which Paul?

    [8-|]

  20. Mr. Fusion says:

    I think the good lord wants me to try playing T-Ball with his head and a Louisville Slugger. Yup !!! I definitely heard the lord tell me to smack him upside the head with my best Home Run swing.

    I can hear it now, “lordy lordy, I’m a gunna swing away, hey batta batta, swing batta batta,…” Its coming clearer now, “I’m gunna get all of it lordy. And I ain’t gunna drop my elboe. No siree bob, I’m a gunna knock his block into the next county. Hoooweee !!!”

    (hoooweee is my best estimation of either an idiot rebel yell or a bible thumper with a dick up his butt and a smile on his face)

  21. Jägermeister says:

    #49-50 – Mr. Fusion

    LOL – I love reading your posts.

  22. Mister Ketchup says:

    #50 – Fusion, there is a good possibility we were separated at birth!

  23. Alex says:

    Having read Revelations a number of times and studied the Apocalypse myth/legend/prophecy (take your pick) fairly extensively for a non-scholar, I can’t say I ever recall anything about a band of fascist thugs beating God into people.

    Or, actually, I may have. I believe the Bible referred to these types of leaders as “Anti-Christs”. (And, yes, the Bible refers to several Anti-christs, not just one.)

  24. Erik Blazynski says:

    OK fine, I have a friend that has lost 3 fingers. I will believe when he can grow those back.

    Also he should ask god to make him loose weight.

  25. qsabe says:

    I thought the republicans had already tried this.

  26. the answer says:

    he’s in florida? suprise suprise

  27. JimD says:

    This guy is a TERRORIST !!! He ought to be Deported back to Canada, but via Gitmo !!!

  28. Angel H. Wong says:

    #49 Fusion.

    I know some in that site *evil grin*

  29. Mr. Fusion says:

    #52, Ketchup,

    #50 – Fusion, there is a good possibility we were separated at birth!

    Is this your explanation of why mom always liked you more?

  30. Mr. Fusion says:

    #58, Angel,

    I’m sure you do.

    *knowing grin*

    8)


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