This sounds like the setup for a Monty Python sketch.

It’s a peril that only a crack team of health and safety experts could have uncovered.

After two years and £250,000, they found that ten-pin bowling alleys up and down the country could be a ‘very dangerous’ environment for families. They concluded that it was too easy for children or teenagers to run down lanes and get trapped in machinery that sets up the pins – even though there was no record of any such accident having happened. The bizarre Health and Safety Executive report found that members of the public would be at risk if they walked along the 60-foot lanes to knock over pins by hand.

Its authors even considered ordering every bowling alley to put barriers across lanes. But they were forced to admit defeat – after realising that bowlers must be able to see what they are aiming at.
John Ashbridge, of The Ten-Pin Bowling Proprietors Association, […] said he had watched HSE inspectors examining a bowling centre and he found their attempts to detect possible dangers ‘hilarious’.
The two-year investigation also concluded that staff must wear earmuffs to mask the noise of balls hitting pins.

  1. Olo Baggins of Bywater says:

    You can’t just walk down there and knock pins down “by hand.” You have to crawl under the front of the machine to reach the pins. Plus you have to navigate the oily lane to get there…like walking on slippery ice.

  2. ikapuza89 says:

    What a worthwhile study, maybe now they’ll stop all those silly children getting trapped!

  3. sargasso says:

    It’s an hilarious English thing, hard to explain. A caution in polite terms is regarded as like having nice manners. “We really, really think that bowling alleys are dangerous so please, do be ever so careful”. But seriously, England went from being a nation of shop keepers to being a nation of orange colored road hazard officers. Those people who put cones and flashing lights around a discarded Coke can.

  4. Mac Guy says:

    Further proof that the Brits are pansies.

  5. Mac Guy says:

    This reminds me of a bowling video I posted. Now THIS is dangerous. Do not try this at home (or the bowling alley)

  6. I am going to go on limb here and guess, without even looking at the link, that this report comes from none other then the mouth-peice of middle-England, the ever paranoid “OMG the immigrants and the beauractrats are going to ruin our way of life!!!” Daily Mail … am I correct? If I am not, then I bets in the Express (the Daily Mail’s evening paper) ….

  7. Greg Allen says:

    >> Mac Guy said,
    >> Further proof that the Brits are pansies.

    American conservatives are afraid that we will upset the terrorists if we put them on trial.

    Now THAT’S pansy. Pansy pansy pansy.

  8. The Monster's Lawyer says:

    It’s only dangerous when I’m bowling. Ya know what I mean…I’m just saying. Ba-da-bing.

  9. lynxman says:

    This is another distortion of reality by the Daily Mail, the study is targeted towards Pinbowl machines repairmen.

    Please check your sources, original study is here.

  10. Dr Dodd says:

    Nice picture – It seems Obama never misses a chance to bend over.

    And he still throws like a girl.

  11. Dallas says:

    #10 Yeah, but your wife says he’s hung like a horse

  12. Benjamin says:

    I thought they would have thought about getting your hand pinched between two balls in the ball return, or dropping the ball on your foot.

    No one is going to run down the lane. It is oily and the staff would be on someone immediately for doing that.

  13. BigBoyBC says:

    Are you guys kidding? Bowling alleys are very dangerious. I saw on tv the other night a human head came through the ball return…

    Oh, wait… I think I was watching CSI, or NCI, or was it PBS?

    What ever it was, this report is BS, who ever authorized it, should be kicked in the head.

  14. yanikinwaoz says:

    I’d think that more children are killed and injured by cars than bowling alleys. Why not focus on the real causes of premature death?

  15. AdmFubar says:

    i think living in england is hazardous to ones mental health…
    they all seem to have gone bonkers there..

    or joined the religion of the divine loony.

  16. Dr Dodd says:

    #11-Dallas-but your wife says he’s hung like a horse

    I asked the wife about this and she told me that it was difficult to tell since Dallas was already servicing the royal Johnson.

    It seems your deep throat technique made it difficult to tell if it rated as horse, large dog or a munchkin standing beside the yellow brick road.

  17. PeterR says:

    Not even Monty Python in their craziest moments would have thought of this.

  18. Alphanumeric says:

    Did anyone else think of the Python sketch “Ministry of silly walks”

  19. t0llyb0ng says:

    The plural of alley hath not an apostrophe

    [fixed — ed.]

  20. eggman9713 says:

    They can pry this bowling ball and my favorite sport that I can actually physically participate in from my cold, dead fingers!

  21. deowll says:

    “I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.”

    Right, Waste of money. In fact the government is all to often the source of our problems.

  22. deowll says:

    That that the bowling lanes Nixon had installed in the White House? It would appear that a Republican President actually did something Obama approves of.

  23. soundwash says:

    -and people think more of this thing called “government” is a good thing?

    the pic of obama looks completely fake/posed/photoshopped.

    he looks stiff, no flow or “english” in his body movement, -no harmony.

    his lower shins seem disproportionally thin relative to the rest of him. -no joy in his face.

    very odd.


    something is not right with that pic,

  24. The Monster's Lawyer says:

    #23 SoundWash – You are one observant capitalist pig. You caught it. It’s a communist conspiracy to overthrow our nation with bowling. As the bourgeoisie are busy with their little bowling games the red army will spray their shoes with the secret chemical ‘X’ making them all succumb to the motherland. Strikes for all!! 8-10 splits are for the proletariat.

  25. Animby says:

    23 Soundwash: “…he looks stiff, no flow or “english” in his body movement, -no harmony. … his lower shins seem disproportionally thin relative to the rest of him. -no joy in his face.”

    So you’re confirming this a real photo?


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