Script writer: Vivek Kundra.

Found by Tobiah Marks via Twitter.

  1. Jorn says:

    that is just precious xD

  2. Cobrarob says:

    Ohh come on if she would have just used some cobalt skip logic instead of wasting her time with VB they could have find the guy in 1/2 the time.

  3. LeoCohen says:

    I can write that app in ASM and it will be less than 12k

  4. shakulov says:

    Background actress reading the script. She needs a break!?

  5. pwuk says:

    If it were on an iPhone, would St. Steve block it 😉

  6. ECA says:

    i love tv SOMETIMES..
    But, I show my friends the problems with TECH.
    I also show them the COPS dramas and show them HOW TIME ISNT RELATIVE to FACT.

    On TV they can get a finger print off of GRAINED WOOD…in real life, if it AINT SMOOTH they wont even try.
    In TV you can get a foot print to match, in LIFE you have 2000 pairs wondering around that are the same STYLE and TYPE.
    ON TV the killer keeps the knife.. In real life, you Dump it in the trash or LEAVE it at the location, ESP the cheap ones.
    ON TV, CSI does the detective work..In REAL LIFE they investigate the scene and LEAVE to do tests to give to the COPS NOTHING MORE.

  7. brm says:

    This was funnier than Betty White on SNL.

  8. MattG says:

    You’ve got to be sh****ng me! That has to be an intentional troll on the writes part, even the most inept of fact checking should have stopped a comment like that.

    I really hope that the writers are having a dare competition to see who can get the most ridiculous thing on air.

    The alternative is depressing, even considering the low standards of accuracy one holds for shows of this nature.

  9. Pikachu says:

    I’ll create a ham sandwich using Visual Basic (TM), to see if I can track a translation lookaside “buffer”.

  10. qb says:

    “This is in real time”. snort. They’re watching someone type into a web form.

    Seen it before. Classic. Thx for the repost. Always cracks me up.

  11. FRAGaLOT says:

    I had to play it over and over since the actress read that line so fast it was practically slurred. I guess throwing any tech sounding words, that aren’t related to each other, is a good way to write scripts.

  12. Jetfire says:

    They pull this crap all the time one NCIS. Like Mirror Hard Drives make it harder to decrypt. I really like the line McGee says “he cracked some of the toughest encryption this side of the browser wars.” When he’s talking about hacking into a Navy ships computer systems.

  13. gus gutz says:

    #6 your lack of forensics is showing like the shows lack of techno speak

  14. WmDE says:

    Better line

    “I’ll DDoS the SOB!”

  15. chuck says:

    Do you think maybe some of the “expert” consultants hired by the show will deliberately throw in something stupid just to see if it gets on the air?

    Now then, back to work on the web-page I’m writing in Cafe Latte.

  16. soundwash says:

    but, but.. why would she waste *precious time* creating a GUI when all you need is a command line prgm?

    -better still, i’m sure one of the more fun *forensic* linux distros like STD would have all the tools [cough] no cost to the tax payer..

    heck…while she’s “writing” this gui.. someone should just run a tracer against the ip logs.

    who knows..maybe he’s not bouncing his ip through 27 satellites, 12 mobiles and 5 countries..

    -turn off your teevee…


  17. Norman Speight says:

    FRAGaLOT is DEAD right.
    OK I’m English (not British) and I’m also a complete snob about diction (comes with the birth folks), but has anyone else a problem with these absolutely talentless, but good looking female actresses. They all, almost without exception seem to talk through their nose (don’t know whether this comes from sniffing something naughty or not). The very last thing they think of is clear speech, I’m not claiming that English actresses are better than US ones, afraid they aren’t (in general) Difference from the cream of the actress crop US and other) – is anyone with a smattering of our joint language can understand them, they pronounce every word, they enunciate, they pace their words (practically unknown in Hollywood, see any film with Sandra Bullock in it for an outstanding example of how NOT to speak – the machine gun mouth delivery coupled with the nasal intonation means no communication missy and acting is all about communication. Of course, all the TV actresses have lots of big wobbly bits, but that doesn’t get you into Meryl Streep or Glen Close territory, not even on the same planet.
    Pretty obvious that none of the others have had speech/speaking/delivery lessons.
    By the way I’m not in the business in any way, just a watcher (and turner off when the language is unintelligible).
    Prospective advertisers please note.

  18. Beavis says:

    heh heh she said gooey

  19. Mike Strong says:

    LOL – thank goodness this only lasted 14 seconds or my poor sides would split.

    Other phrases and words to watch for:
    … “throw up a firewall” …
    … intubate … (on medical shows)
    … petechial hemorrhaging …
    … perps …
    … un-subs …

    on CSI type shows – they seem to love that word “petechial”
    On medical shows I check the minutes to see how soon they “intubate” the poor patient.

    Also – you notice how medical shows and cop shows have similar plot devices?

    Med Shows: spend entire show darn near killing patient with every non-solution until you get to 51 minutes and the simple miracle solution

    Cop Shows: spend entire show accusing anyone and everyone of the crime no matter how unlikely (I’m surprised they don’t arrest babies in their carriages) until you get to minute 51 and the confession.

    Clearly expertise and writers do not get together in the same room.

  20. jcwiseesq says:

    #17 I love BBC shows but I can’t understand half of what they say. even with the DVR to replay the scene. it’s fun to try to understand British. and your actors and sitcoms are way better that ours.

  21. giveheractrlaltbreak says:

    Entertainment shows have always been like that.

    How many times have we seen the grainy VHS surveillance tape that can be zoomed in 100x and the faces get clearer and clearer , with more pixel information magically appearing.

    Now when news reporters do this crap….

  22. Your Mother says:

    What would have been even funnier is if she had said I’ll get on my apple and code something…

  23. Carcarius says:

    What’s the problem? Isn’t this show a comedy?

  24. Sea Lawyer says:

    But VB is known as the go to tool for ceeating rich and highly robust user experiences for today’s knowledge workers.

  25. Cap'nKangaroo says:

    Speaking of plot devices, ever notice how a cop show scene will be some blathering, questions for the red herring suspect, then one actor answers his cell phone, and they’re off after a new suspect. Law & Order has this down so pat I believe they just shoot them all at the start of the season and then sprinkle them into the episodes as needed.

    And real autopsies take time. Lots and lots of time for tissue sample tests and toxicology tests.

  26. Floyd says:

    #19: CSI does that same thing they used to do on Star Trek: say a lot of bafflegab and hand wave it as being jargon used in the technology of the future. Later, that bafflegab will be an entry in the latest Star Trek Encyclopedia. Yes, there is a Star Trek Encyclopedia.

  27. Schorschi says:

    C’mon, guys. They call this product placement. Microsoft paid big bucks for this line.

  28. Curtis E. Flush says:

    Detective Taylor: “Are you kidding, Stella? A .NET site license would eat up half our departmental budget. If you can’t find an open source tool, then check the iPhone App Store.”

    Doctor Hawkes: “Heh heh, I got your open source tool right here!”

  29. Rick Cain says:

    If it doesn’t work, make sure you reverse the polarity.


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