Gilpin Family Whisky

Large amounts of sugar are excreted on a daily basis by type-two diabetic patients especially amongst the upper end of our aging population. As a result of this diabetic patients toilets often have unusual scale build up in the basin due and rapid mold growths as the sugar put into the system acts as nutrients for mold and bacteria growth. Is it plausible to suggest that we start utilizing our water purification systems in order to harvest the biological resources that our elderly already process in abundance?

Sugar heavy urine excreted by diabetic patients is now being utilized for the fermentation of high-end single malt whisky for export. The Whisky market is growing faster then any other alcoholic beverage worldwide. With a prevalent genetic weakness being exposed in the northern hemisphere leading to a sharp rise in type two diabetes, economists have found a new exportable commodity to exploit and are keen to capitalize on this resource quickly.




  1. steve says:

    balvenie double cast is the only standard to drink

  2. Ah_Yea says:

    EUGH!!

    (Isn’t that how they make Dos Equis?)

  3. booshtukka says:

    They’re really taking the piss now…

  4. BigBoyBC says:

    Guess this brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “getting pissed”… Oh good lord! What will they do for the phrase “getting shit faced”?

  5. honeyman says:

    Egad! They have stumbled onto the secret recipe that Aussies have used for years, with the aid of specially sugar-fed wallabies, to produce Fosters Export beer

  6. Cursor_ says:

    #1

    You must like to chew on trees then.

    Cursor_

  7. Neumann says:

    My favourite part: “for export” … I don’t care HOW far away you take it, word’s going to get out about where it came from.

  8. The DON says:

    Yeah, I picked up on the “for export” as well.

    Being a non-US citizen, this sort of news makes me think “… I wont import anything from a country which wants to sell products they dont consume themselves”, that is ignoring of course, the source of the product.

  9. Donal says:

    Bullshit meter should be at 100% here.

  10. Counterweight says:

    #7 – #8 = The “For Export” label does not reflect on the contents. It merely sets these items apart from local alcohol taxes.

  11. Paul says:

    I like piss play from time to time (rarely), but still… NO THANK YOU!!! If I want whiskey, I’ll get it from someone who makes it in the non-piss way.

  12. Angel H. Wong says:

    I see they discovered Jack Daniel’s secret ingredient.

  13. WmDE says:

    There is a new cocktail called the Lawrence Welk.

    It is a shot of Gilpins in 6oz of Kopi Luwak.

  14. Uncle Patso says:

    Are you sure this isn’t from The Onion?

    Sorry, not buyin’ it.

  15. dcphill says:

    It’s not April first yet, or is it?

  16. dcphill says:

    With a Lawrence Welk you could get pissed and shitfaced at the same time.

  17. WmDE says:

    With a Lawrence Welk you could get pissed and shitfaced at the same time.

    Plus be wide awake.