“Excuse me Homeland Security? Yeah, I’d like to report that I see a bunch of power mad scum who are taking over my country. Can you please arrest yourselves?”

A man caused a brief scare on the bridge Wednesday morning after someone reported he was carrying a suspicious package. It turns out the item was a gigantic replica candy bar, according to Trooper Guy Gill, a State Patrol spokesman.>

“It was called in as a suspicious package on the bridge, and we take that very seriously,” Gill said. “But then we go out there and find we are dealing with a big, old king-size candy bar.” He said the bar — which was 6 feet tall and more than 2 feet wide — was an advertising prop for a type of candy that is typically sold as school fundraisers. The brand of candy is unknown.

According to Gill, the call came in just before 10 a.m. The individual who was holding the plastic candy bar was “trying to advertise on the bridge.”

Yep. Someone tell the terrorists they can stop anytime…it’s over.




  1. ReadyKilowatt says:

    Hershey Park, the sweetest place on earth!

  2. noname says:

    Haha, someone took homeland security at their word, call in suspicious, packages and people.

  3. seetheblacksun says:

    Top post. This is why I keep going back to DU.

  4. ubiquitous_talking_head says:

    For some reason, hearing that in Zoidberg’s voice I am.

  5. Dallas says:

    Funny picture.

  6. admfubar says:

    reminds me of a story told by a cop buddy of mine…
    one boring day, they decided to play a prank on the neighboring burb’s police force, soooooooo they got on the radio a reported suspicious character dressed in blue suits carrying guns, driving a black and white car.. and then gave the address to that burb’s police station. then sat back and listened to the mayhem ensue while that city’s force responded… eventually to be stopped by someone that put two and two together. :))

  7. Ah_Yea says:

    Homeland security NEVER LEARNS.

    Remember the 2007 Boston bomb scare??

    Read this for a laugh.
    https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/2007_Boston_bomb_scare

  8. foobar says:

    “The brand of candy is unknown.”

    I love the detail in the story. I can picture the reporter asking the cop questions.

  9. Faxon says:

    I want to thank John and Adam for keeping us so well informed of this lady’s horrible leadership of what is now the second largest federal department in the United States. I fear for the future travesties she and her ilk will visit upon us all.

  10. UncDon says:

    #7: love how the judge used the two men as an example. Terrorize them so we feel safe.

  11. Mr. Fusion says:

    #10, the charges were dropped in return for doing community service. The Judge made the prosecution prove the two intended to promote panic.

    This is what happens though when you plead guilty. If they had of fought the charges they wouldn’t have received the CS.

  12. Mr. Ed - the Imitation (accept no original) says:

    Instead of blaming Napolitano, why not put the blame where it belongs, the idiot who phoned in the complaint. If said idiot could not tell the difference between “suspicious activity” and a six foot candy bar, they are truly a dunce.

    Oh, that was Alphie who phoned it in? He thought it was really pedro looking to get eaten? OK, never mind. I should have known. One idiot not understanding how pedro thinks everyone is sexually excited by a large piece of shit is normal.

  13. Jetfire says:

    Ok, tell me what was bad here? The only problem according to the article is the article itself. The police didn’t close down the bridge and handled it perfectly. They didn’t arrest the guy. The told him its wasn’t a good idea and to move along which he did. They didn’t even give him a ticket. They used common sense which is rare. They probably could have gotten him on a permit violation.

  14. GregAllen says:

    To be fair — big candy bars can kill you.

  15. GigG says:

    Why am I reminded of Caddy Shack?

  16. Mr. Ed - the Imitation (accept no original) says:

    #15, Gig,

    Because pedro was cleaning out the pool?

  17. noname says:

    # 12 Mr. Ed – the Imitation (accept no original) said,

    “Instead of blaming Napolitano, why not put the blame where it belongs, the idiot who phoned in the complaint.”

    • Do not handle the problem yourself.
    • Do not delay reporting the incident.
    • report anything abnormal.

    I would say a “gigantic replica candy bar” is not the norm and by definition meet the criteria for reporting! And, given the proven (over and over) ability of everyone to UN-accurately witness an event (think of all the umps you’ve probably have screamed out), it’s inevitable.

    Given that people are not clones, and their activities are so divergent, yours and my definition of normal are bound to be different.

    This person reported what they felt was abnormal behavior as suspicious.

    Where they wrong? NO!

    Since the government wants you to report the event with out delay, you are not supposed to think, instead you are COMMANDED TO DO, and not question!!!

    We are told the government will sort it out.

    H.R. 963, according to its summary, will grant immunity from civil liability to persons who report suspicious activity indicating that an individual may be engaging in some sort of terrorist activity, as well as to law enforcement reacting to such reports. Legal scholars predict the bill would encourage citizens to spy on one another and remove disincentives for companies who wish to share client information with the government but have hesitated to do so for fear of being sued.

  18. foobar says:

    noname, well it’s pretty obvious that the idiot who phoned in the complaint wasn’t keeping both eyes on the road.

  19. noname says:

    # 18 foobar said,

    noname, well it’s pretty obvious that the idiot who phoned in the complaint wasn’t keeping both eyes on the road.

    Multi-tasking, it’s the new norm! Besides, I wouldn’t want this person to run over the suspicious package and destroy the evidence. Best leave it to the authorities to sort it out.

    Besides, that what the authorities want, no-rubbernecking, two hands on the wheel and both eyes on the road, while your making that 911 hands-free call on your cell, right? Win-Win!

  20. gmknobl says:

    Homeland Security (there’s an oxymoron) is clearly not needed. Better sharing among intelligence officers has always been but H.S. was never the solution to it. Here’s a government program that CAN be eliminated.

    Because we have allowed government to put such fools in power and have allowed them to compromise our basic human rights, we are now less free AND less secure with them than before Shrub came into office.

    Not to mention they apparently have the intelligence of an ant. That can be laid at the feet of cuts to education and the current conservative no-nothing anti-science anti-educaton crowd.

  21. General Tostada says:

    If You See Something, Say Something!

    (but if you have nothing to say, don’t say it)

  22. noname says:

    # 21 General Tostada said

    Very good sir!

    You are so correct. Report all activities deemed as possibly superstitious. We need to be preemptive and not reactive!

    Our country, our well being, our patriotism all depends on people phoning tips 24/265.

    God bless America! God bless patriots who report all activities routinely as their civic duty.

    Don’t trust your neighbor, your Friend, your family. You can only trust the government. Our government has the supercomputers, data-bases, procedures and process to sort out the real tips from the bad tips in real-time.

    Even in this candy case, the government successfully sorted out the facts.

    We should applaud this fine American specimen for demonstrating what American citizenship means, turning in your neighbor!

    Sieg-heil comrade Napolitano. May your reign be long lived, un-scrutinized and forever protected from budget cuts.