A Wisconsin cemetery worker could spend 10 years in jail after pleading no contest to stealing an electric guitar from a casket.

The cream-colored Fender Telecaster was laid upon the body of Randall Jourdan, who wished to be buried with his “pride and joy,” the criminal complaint said. The guitar was recovered from the suspect’s home the next day.

I have to have that guitar. It’s too expensive to be in a crypt,” Steven Conard allegedly told a groundskeeper at the Allouez Catholic Cemetery and Chapel Mausoleum near Green Bay where he was working, the complaint said.

Jourdan was a guitar player for more than 40 years, family members told investigators.

Not a serious market force. Petty theft, that is.

  1. George says:

    I can understand why this guy did this.

    Putting a guitar in a sealed coffin with a putrefying corpse would render the instrument junk in short order. What purpose does a guitar have if not played? The gases and other products of decomposition would corrode the metal and delaminate the wood in short time. You are not being buried with your guitar, you are being buried with junk.

    People, quit trying to hold on to your stuff after you’re dead. Let the few things of value and beauty you leave behind be enjoyed. Don’t put jewelry, cars, guns, instruments etc into the ground with your fetid, rotting corpse. If you hate your relatives, then leave it to charity.

    To paraphrase the organ donor ads say, don’t take it with you, its more appreciated here.

  2. Benjamin says:

    From unknown sources,

    [quote]A very wealthy man wanted to be buried with his money. He knew that his family wouldn’t honor his wishes, so he asked his three best friends, a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer, to make sure that his wishes were carried out when he died. He gave them each a packet with $1,000,000, to be thrown into his coffin as they passed by. Sure enough the day came, and at the funeral, the 3 men each threw something into the coffin.

    At the wake, the men found themselves huddled together. The doctor said, “I’ve just got to get something off my chest. I only threw $750,000 into the coffin — we needed some money for the new wing of the children’s hospital, and I couldn’t see the point in not making good use of the money…”

    The priest said, “I’m so glad to hear you say that. I myself only put in $500,000. The rest went to the orphanage that so badly needed a new building…” The lawyer looked at the other two in disgust. “Why, I’m ashamed of both of you! I put in my personal check for one million dollars!”[/quote]

  3. B. Dog says:

    Grave robbing is a gray area .

  4. ubiquitous talking head says:

    Burial is an archaic and barbaric custom.

    • deowll says:

      Call a grave a mini landfill with carbon sequestration besides leaving dead bodies out is unsanitary in the extreme.

      • ubiquitous talking head says:

        Recycle. I’m thinking seriously about donating my body to a medical school. I won’t care then if they laugh at my tiny penis.

  5. The Monster's Lawyer says:

    “I see dead people.”

  6. Irving Thalberg says:

    I see racists. But, they’re white enough to deny it.

    • deowll says:

      There are people without bias or bigotry. We refer to such people in the collective as the deceased.

      20 out of 20 people calling someone racists that I observed in the last three years were either liars knowingly committing slander or so bigoted in their views that they failed to understand the difference between disagreeing with someone as a matter of principle and being raciest. In either case there words defined them.

  7. msbpodcast says:

    Drop both the body and the guitar into a chipper-shredder straight into the coffin, and call it a day.

    If the selfish bastard wanted his guitar that badly, that is how I’d give it to him.

  8. seetheblacksun says:

    Not-So-Greatful Dead.

  9. John E. Quantum says:

    A Tele is a terrible thing to waste

    I bet this song was playing in Steven Conard’s head while he was accomplishing his mission


  10. ubiquitous talking head says:

    Only marginally on topic:

    Great album cover on a great album by an incredibly overlooked band.

  11. Skeptic > post # 27,675 says:

    It’s just a friggen guitar. If the guy wanted to be buried with it, let him be. The coffin is probably worth more money.

    Make the thief pay to have the guitar returned, plus 100 hours of community work. A fine will just be pissed away by some bureaucrat.


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