Mind-bending ‘psychotronic’ guns that can effectively turn people into zombies have been given the go-ahead by Russian president Vladimir Putin.

The futuristic weapons – which will attack the central nervous system of their victims – are being developed by the country’s scientists.

They could be used against Russia’s enemies and, perhaps, its own dissidents by the end of the decade.

Sources in Moscow say Mr Putin has described the guns, which use electromagnetic radiation like that found in microwave ovens, as ‘entirely new instruments for achieving political and strategic goals’.

Plans to introduce the super- weapons were announced quietly last week by Russian defence minister Anatoly Serdyukov, fulfilling a little-noticed election campaign pledge by president-elect Putin.

Mr Serdyukov said: ‘The development of weaponry based on new physics principles – direct-energy weapons, geophysical weapons, wave-energy weapons, genetic weapons, psychotronic weapons, and so on – is part of the state arms procurement programme for 2011-2020.’

…and so the Zombie Apocalypse creeps just a little bit closer. Congrats to the Daily Mail for the catchy headline, even though the article is a bit dodgy.

  1. msbpodcast says:

    Expensive high-tech weapons might make for great self-serving press among the 1%er political elite but they aren’t as effective as the very effective and easily made and maintained IEDs and Kalashnikovs that are being used by the dirty scrabbling hordes of the 99%ers who are getting fed up of the shit they’re getting fed.

    Who will be the next Pol Pot, recruiting your 99%er kids to wage war on the 1%ers and the 12.4k billionaires?

    That’s a hard question to answer and I predict that the next stunted-growth* industry will be in surveillance, (something entirely non-productive for the great mass of the 99%ers.)

    *) How stunted is a question that East Germany partially answered until its collapse.

    They had a lot of construction cranes in East Berlin (artificial high points,) but there was not a whole lot of building going on.

  2. moss says:

    Jobs for CIA retirees.

  3. The Pharmasist (i can handle it) says:

    we have a similar weapons already in use, it is known as running for office, and political ads. turns the population into brain dead zombies in an instant.

    we should all stock up on fava beans. yum!

  4. NewfornatSux says:

    So what was in the cheeseburger he shared with Obama? After Obama’s last election he will have the flexibility to introduce one here as well.

  5. loopy says:

    2 days late

  6. Skeptic says:

    Well that’s it for me. I’m buying a chainsaw.

  7. NobodySpecial says:

    “Mind-bending guns …. turn people into zombies … which will attack the central nervous system of their victims”

    Also known as Vodka.
    Presumably a riot control rubber-bullet gun modified to fire jello shots ?

  8. Observer says:

    This weapon is already in use in the United States & is incorporated into every HDTV.
    The poor victim is irradiated during endless Republican Presidential Candidate debates until they are fried by Election Day.

  9. Dallas says:

    I’m guessing such an attack on Teapublicans would result in an improvement!

  10. The Monster's Lawyer says:

    The gun also has a special “brown-note” setting.

  11. JimD, Boston, MA says:

    A BIG B.S. !!! Just like “Remote Viewing”, now the CIA will PISS AWAY MILLIONS, IF NOT BILLIONS to close the “Zombie Gap” !!!

  12. Luc says:

    Adam Curry will be all over this. Right up his alley.

  13. jim g says:

    Ummm was’nt April Fools day a few days ago?

  14. Cursor_ says:

    Wow what a waste of time.

    We developed the zombie gun ages ago in the last century.

    It is called an electron gun. We used it in cathode ray tubes to zombify the population through entertainment.

    Now we’ve moved on to LCD and LED to do the same thing.
    Bread and circuses folks, Rome lives on.


  15. Somebody_Else says:

    They already have it, it’s called Russia Today.


Bad Behavior has blocked 7650 access attempts in the last 7 days.