You just can’t make this shit up.

Like any state legislature dealing with 8 percent unemployment and thousands of its residents facing disenfranchisement, the Tennessee Senate is targeting the menace of underage hand-holding. Last week, the Senate passed SB 3310, a bill to update the state’s abstinence-based sex education curriculum to define holding hands and kissing as “gateway sexual activities.” Just one senator voted against the legislation; 28 voted in favor.

Since the bill specifically bans teachers from “demonstrating gateway sexual activity”, educators would be prohibited from even demonstrating what hand-holding is

What would the penalty be? Chop off the hands?

  1. AC_in_Mich says:

    puts a new meaning to “Kissin’ Cousins”

    We ALL know that one day holding hands, next day comes wild sex orgies! Those damn gateways.

  2. AC_in_Mich says:

    Ok, followed the link and looked at the comments, followed the link to the actual bill and nowhere does it specifically mention holding hands or kissing. What it does say is in the definitions :

    “Gateway sexual activity” means sexual contact encouraging an individual to engage in a non-abstinent behavior. A person promotes a gateway sexual activity by encouraging, advocating, urging or condoning gateway sexual

    and Abstinance being defined as: “Abstinence” means not participating in any activity that puts an individual at risk for pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease”

    Vague enough and circular enough for you?


  3. dadeo says:

    Next week: hand-wringing 101

  4. Silenus Zarkoff says:

    These are the same guys who tried to make math easier by legislating the value of pi to be 3.

  5. ugly, constipated, and mean says:

    More than likely this bill is intended more for things like ghetto dancing, or whatever that’s called.

  6. Kenney J says:

    What would the penalty be?

    Make them watch old Howard Hughes clips about germs, Never wanting to shake hands etc.. then make them bite the nails down to the Cuticle, and if that aint enough? Make them Hold hands with the wicked witch of the west, and throw rotten tomatoes at the suprised faces.. so there!

  7. exploitive lame headline says:

    making things up is fun, shows good imagination. probably should be reserved for playtime instead of a headline on a website that wants to be taken seriously. try researching for yourself and reading the bill… while it is lame and puritanical it doesnt talk about handholding or kissing at all. this site feels like the drudgereport when they do this.

  8. god says:

    Gotta love Republican-controlled legislatures. No better reminder of the 19th Century.

    • BigBoyBC says:

      The vote was 28-1, Republican-controlled legislature is irrelevant when the Democrats vote in favor of the bill.

  9. Guyver says:

    Much ado about nothing. The legislators were probably more worried about giving educators an inch because they’ll probably end up taking a mile.

    If educators can demonstrate hand holding and kissing to children, where would they draw the line? Are there some acts that parents will disapprove of that the Federal government insists should be taught to children? VERY LIKELY. What other acts would government-employed educators deem necessary to teach children? This bill just draws a line.

    This is nothing more than a state’s rights issue over what the upper threshold is for educators. Big Whoop. Do children really need an educator to demonstrate those things? Liberals emphatically say yes. Big surprise.

  10. Lee_K says:

    “You just can’t make this shit up.”

    Seems you can. Like AC_in_Mich, I actually read the bill, and the amendments, and there is no mention of hand holding or even anything implying hand holding is included in this law. Unless you can prove that hand holding is a gateway sexual activity, this article is total bullshit.

    Reading, a concept that still exists. Truth, seems to be long gone.

  11. Cap'nKangaroo says:

    Tennessee teachers will also be overjoyed to know that they will be able to teach creationism alongside evolution in the public classroom. House Bill 368/Senate Bill 893 specifically lists evolution, the chemical origins of life, global warming and cloning as accepted scientific theories teachers may attack, all with the idea of fostering better theories (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

    I have no doubt that any student brazen enough to question the teacher’s theory of creationism will be tazered for questioning authority.

  12. ECA says:

    Dear god..
    Please forgive us our ignorance and STUPIDITY..
    And if you cant do that, dont LUMP me in with these..
    I can find my own..
    I asked a person, that was TRYING to abduct me into a Church..
    Was it there RIGHT to Save my soul, If I didnt want to?
    NOPE.. was there answer.
    If this on a religious base…I would think its a SAFETY ISSUE.. Holding hands is a good way to be SAFE.. a good way to LEAD people/kids around a school.
    SOMEONE SHOOT THE DUCK that started this BS, I think it Quacked up..

  13. Mextli: ABO says:

    Next time save space and just post the headline. Everyone can make up their own story to support their preconceived notions.

  14. BigBoyBC says:

    Shame on you Uncle Dave using as a “legitimate” new source. These guys make Fox look honest.

  15. NewfornatSux says:

    So now this blog thinks sex ed people should be demonstrating holding hands and kissing? Maybe if it’s like that Palin lookalike on Varsity Blues, otherwise I’m not sure if it’s the kids or the teachers that should be suing for sexual harassment.

  16. Dallas says:

    Why do Teapublicans hate children holding hands?

  17. deowll says:

    Stupid is as stupid does and this is pretty stupid.

  18. Ken says:

    Punishment will be a tasing by the school resource officer, then the kids will be dragged away to a cage.

  19. sargasso_c says:

    God bothered idiots.

  20. fw says:

    “Vague enough and circular enough for you?” What about reacting to that they voted FOR such a vague bill?
    And if it is so vague, they can make it mean anything, or at the least a hell of a lot.

  21. What? says:

    I hear that in my state, next door, strippers can’t take off their bottoms. Tennessee is a bare bottom state. Hummm….

  22. Charliej says:

    You laugh at this stuff. How would you like to live with it? I grew up in Alabama, and Alabama makes Tennessee look enlightened. If the churches had their way, it would not be the state of Alabama. It would be the Baptist Republic of Alabama. You could look forward to forced church going. Heresy would be rewarded by burning at the stake. Americas Taliban.

  23. The Monster's Lawyer says:

    I was caught holding hands with myself.

    • Rick says:

      When “saying hi to my monster” is illegal, I’m calling my congressman.


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