When Apple founder Steve Jobs died after a long fight with cancer last year, software engineer Tony Tseung sent an email to a Buddhist group in Thailand to find out what happened to his old boss now that he’s no longer of this world.

This month, Tseung received his answer. Jobs has been reincarnated as a celestial warrior-philosopher, the Dhammakaya group said in a special television broadcast, and he’s living in a mystical glass palace hovering above his old office at Apple’s Cupertino, Calif. headquarters.
“After Steve Jobs passed away, he was reincarnated as a divine being with a special knowledge and appreciation for science and the arts,” the Dhammakaya leader said.

  1. ± says:

    So that means he has a special knowledge of EVERYTHING since discoveries/creations which aren’t science, are art (and, incidentally, some science is arguably art, but not vice versa).

    All kneel before ZOD in his glass palace hovering above Cupertino.

    • ImHear says:

      ASIANS CAN ACTUALLY READ MINDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      they can hear, and see what your visually thinking
      this is the absolute complete truth, THIS SERIOUSLY IS NO JOKE!!!!!

      The reason a lot of Asians have completely expressionless faces, segregate from everybody else-only associate with Asians and don’t associate with non Asians that much, and are very unfriendly in general is to avoid accidentally revealing that they can read minds. If all over a billion Asians where to show facial expressions all the time just as much as non Asians, integrate and associate with non Asians much more, and be much more friendly and talkative, then a lot of them might accidentally reveal that they can read minds by accidentally showing a facial expression or dirty look when someone thinks, or visually pictures something in their mind they don’t like, find astonishing, or funny etc because those people might see that and really wonder what that was that just happened there and see the connection, and they might accidentally say something similar to what the person was just thinking and going to say. If they all associated with non Asians a lot more then there would be a lot more people around for them to accidentally show facial expressions when those people think things they don’t like etc, so they segregate and only associate with Asians so there won’t be anyone around for them to see that and have any accidents happen in the first place.

      Try thinking, best yet visually picturing in your mind something absolutely crazy as you possibly can when you are around Asians, and try looking for Asians who give people particular looks, especially dirty looks for what appears to be for completely no reason, that is them giving people looks when they hear and visually see someone thinking something they don’t like, find astonishing, or funny etc.

      I know this may sound crazy, impossible and unbelievable, BUT IT ISN’T CRAZY WHEN IT’S TRUE


  2. Animal Mother says:

    All kneel before Zardoz in his red diapers.

  3. Cap'nKangaroo says:

    Does this portend a Holy War against Android? The Apple-Samsung verdict begins to make more sense.

  4. NewformatSux says:

    >May we know the truth of your creation, respecting the laws of nature and nature’s God and not seek to replace it with idols of our own making.

  5. orchidcup says:

    Cool. I have always wanted to be a divine being.

    I can’t wait to die.

    • deowll says:

      Don’t get in a rush. You might come back as a maggot. Best to enjoy life while you can.

  6. sargasso_c says:

    Those wacky, Fox Newsters!

  7. bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

    Gee – I guess its true you get reincarnated the opposite of what you were during life. If Steve-O had only exercised a general appreciation for science during his life he would have gotten western medical treatment a whole lot sooner and may have stayed off the illness even longer.

    But that was not his chosen Karmic Path.

    It is good to see a millionaire become deified rather than the pop culture nut ball. Now all you have to do is have a few good ideas, work hard, and be lucky.

    Yea, verily.

    • George W says:

      And you’ll be back as a tea toting Republican Pope?

      • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

        Ha, ha. Would that be punishment or reward?

        As we all have been recycled many times, I guess as long as they wipe my memory clean, it won’t make any difference.

  8. orchidcup says:

    They preach a worldly, tech-savvy form of Buddhism which instructs worshipers that it isn’t a sin to grow rich, as long as they contribute a chunk of their earnings to the Dhammakaya cause.

    The Dhammakaya Buddhists are emulating the business model of every religion on the planet.

    Give us a chunk of your earnings and we will make you feel good about yourself before and after death.

    It appears to be a successful scam. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

    • Cap'nKangaroo says:

      Right off the top of my head, I cannot think of an organized religion that doesn’t follow that model.

  9. What? says:

    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, all things, life, love, money, lust.

  10. msbpodcast says:


    Life is a whole lot more precious to you when you think its the only one you’ll ever have.

    It cuts a whole of mystical mumbo-jumbo from the stream of one single existence.

    Steve Jobs is dead. Point a la ligne.

  11. AdmFubar says:

    so buddists are a fruit fanboys too by the sound of this…
    and how is this different then what ol’ stevie boy portrayed himself as in life???

    i think some buddist shills got a nice payoff for this …

  12. Dallas says:


  13. Taxed Enough Already Dude says:

    If reincarnation were true the world’s population would be decreasing, not increasing.

    If he didn’t confess Jesus is LORD repenting of his sins, Jobs is in hell awaiting Judgment Day when, if he lived according to God in the spirit while in hell the one the Day of Christ (Rev 20:11ff) he will be saved:

    6 For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit. (1Pe 4:6 KJV)

    That’s also true for hypocritical Christians who really didn’t repent and believe:

    5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. (1Co 5:5 KJV)

    They die, and their spirit is saved on Judgment Day, when Christ sits on the throne and judges all the living and the dead.

    11 And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them.
    12 And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.
    13 And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works.
    14 And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death.
    15 And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire. (Rev 20:11-15 KJV)

    • orchidcup says:

      If God did not intend for human beings to question the authority and authenticity of the Holy Scriptures, He should not have created human beings with a whole brain that is capable of analytical and critical thinking. A brain stem would have been sufficient.

    • observer says:

      You’re free to believe what you wish, but don’t expect others to mistake your ramblings for rational thought.

      • Taxed Enough Already Dude says:

        Everyone should know he went to hell. So will all who fail to believe in the LORD Jesus in this life.

        The good news is you get a second chance in hell to repent.

        The bad news is you stay in hell, in the applicable torment, till the resurrection on Judgment Day.

        At a minimum, that’s a thousand years even if you died and went to hell one minute before Christ returned.

        • What? The moth is always drawn to the flame? says:

          God does not bribe the good hearted with promises of Heaven, but he torments the wicked with images of Hell.

    • What? The moth is always drawn to the flame? says:

      I’m glad to see you are not of the sola fide camp, but it concerns me that your aspersions reflect poorly on your Christian character.

  14. Taxed Enough Already Dude says:

    As no one knows what Obama’s faith is, it certainly isn’t Christian….

    Its likely he flew into a rage when he heard about Jobs…

    Not only did Jobs get rich robbing us, but now he rises to deity in death…what’s an anti-colonialist to do?

    • orchidcup says:

      When you lose yourself in conspiratorial films that claim to be documentaries, you lose all perspective and become paranoid and enraged.

      Don’t go postal on us.

      • Taxed Enough Already Dude says:


        Didn’t “lose myself” in anything, Dinesh D’Souza, President of King’s College in NYC…makes a cogent argument the dream Obama received from his father is anti-colonialism…

        And that explains otherwise inexplicable actions Obama has taken….for example, investing in oil drilling offshore and on land in third world countries, while preventing the same here in the US (despite the thousands of good paying jobs this would create).

        Many other evidences are cited by Dinesh D’Souza and if you were a critical thinker, you would know what they are and be able to list them and why you either agree, or disagree with them and his conclusion.

        Instead, you smear the argument like a typical leftist loon….truth means nothing to you, its all about stealing other peoples money and labor, and spending that in a way you feel good about….

        • Taxed Enough Already Dude says:


          Dinesh D’Souza
          Author, Speaker, President of King’s College in NY City

          Born in Mumbai, India, Dinesh D’Souza came to the U.S. as an exchange student and graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Dartmouth College in 1983. From there he went on to work in the Reagan White House as a policy analyst.

          In 2010 he released The Roots of Obama’s Rage which is the basis for the film 2016:Obama’s America. It has been described as the most influential political book of 2010 and has proven to be yet another best seller.

          In the same year, he was named the president of The King’s College, in New York City. Dinesh brought a distinguished 25-year career as a writer, scholar, and public intellectual to The King’s College. Prior to this appointment, Dinesh also served as John M. Olin Fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, and the Robert and Karen Rishwain Fellow at the Hoover Institution at Stanford University.

          Called one of the “top young public-policy makers in the country” by Investor’s Business Daily, Dinesh quickly became known as a major influencer on public policy through his writings. His first book, Illiberal Education (1991), publicized the phenomenon of political correctness in America’s colleges and universities and became a New York Times bestseller for 15 weeks. It has been listed as one of the most influential books of the 1990s.

          From here he went on to write the popular books What is So Great About America (2002) , What is So Great About Christianity (2008), The End of Racism (1995) and Letter to a Young Conservative (2003). His latest book, God Forsaken was released in April of 2012.

          D’Souza’s articles have appeared in virtually every major magazine and newspaper, including the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Atlantic Monthly, Vanity Fair, New Republic, and National Review. He has appeared on numerous television programs, including The Today Show, The Colbert Report, Politically Incorrect, Nightline, The News Hour, The O’Reilly Factor, Moneyline, and Hannity.

  15. observer says:

    Steve was all about inventing the future, so I can see him surfing the wave of innovation in the next life. But this pronouncement is bullshit, pure and simple.

  16. talking bear says:

    Jeez, all Jobs did was drive people to crank out easy-to-use “stuff”, he didn’t change the world that is suffering in poverty and disease, he gave the privelidged small percentage of the world some fun to use high tech gadgets for self gratification. By the way, I have an iPod, iPad and Mac Book Air and am writing this on a Lenovo laptop that dual boots into Ubuntu. They are all just tools to enhance my life, not define it.

  17. HMeyers says:

    Steve Jobs had the idea of total user experience. Something Bill Gates knew about with Windows 95.

    But Bill Gates saw fit to retire after conquering the industry as he knew it. Meanwhile, after this retirement Steve Jobs sought redemption in this total point of view.

    Debate and future market share will determine whether IOS or Android is a vehicle to deliver this vision. Android is open, history will decide if it can deliver marketspace for developer profitability.

    This question yet remains to be answered.

  18. Somebody says:

    So tomorrow, if you wake up to find there is only one button on your mouse, you’ll know why.

  19. Glenn E. says:

    Steve Jobs can’t be reincarnated as a “Celestial Warrior-Philosopher”. Microsoft has already copyrighted that as one of their future office suite products, or XBox 360 games. They haven’t decided which it is, yet.

    As I thought I understood reincarnation. One comes back as a living thing. Like a plant or animal. Not a non-corporal being of some kind, haunting a geographically fixed position on earth. In this case Apple’s HQ in Cupertino, Calif. It’s not Hogwarts Castle.

    If reincarnation is/were real. And one had a choice in it, after dying. I have to think life would be too painful, for most to want to come back and try it again. At least not for a while. Unless it takes no earthly time at all, to wish to experience another lifetime. In terms of the afterlife. A lifetime may only be a fleeting thought.

    My theory is that it’s timeless. Past, present, and future, existing all at once. So everyone’s spirit or conscience, is there already. And always has been. Even those currently living a new lifetime. Which only amounts to a brief daydream, there.

    It’s not easy wrapping one’s head around the concept of a timeless existence, interfacing with a time constrained one. It’s a bit like people on a carousel ride, seeing the onlookers standing still. And once in a while, an onlooker hops onto the spinning carousel, to join the riders. And then someone hops off, to go do something else. While the riders continue on their neverending circular trip.

    Of course, the carousel ride is a spacial motion difference. Not a temporal difference.Thinking of someone or something, existing in a perpetual timeless “now” state. While life as we know it, goes forward from the past, to present, and into the future. Isn’t so easy. All I can say is, see you all back in the future, some time when. 🙂

    • orchidcup says:

      On the other hand, there is no reason to think the ego survives the death of the brain.

      Reincarnation and/or afterlife fantasies could be a mechanism of the ego to cope with the mind’s inability to conceive of its own demise.

      I theorize we are mere mortals. The self-centered ego insists we must be immortal gods.

  20. jim g says:

    Statistically, he was probably reincarnated as a chinese female and immediately aborted.

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