The National Security Agency (NSA) and Santa Claus are teaming up this Christmas after striking a deal that both sides call a win/win deal. The NSA has been put in a bad light by Edward Snowden who has revealed extensive NSA spying on every aspect of American life. The NSA thinks that teaming up with Santa will help their public image.

Santa benefits as well. With the downturn in the economy and budget cuts Santa has had a hard time. So the NSA is going to help Santa know what everyone wants for Christmas based on the massive amount of data they have collected. The NSA made Santa a list and checked it twice. They let Santa know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. They see when you’re sleeping, they know when you’re awake. They know if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake. The NSA has all the data that Santa needs to get his job done.

So you better watch out, you better not lie, you better not pout I’m telling you why. The NSA is coming to town!

  1. bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

    Snowden “should have” been selected as “Man of the Year.” So much more credible and impactful than the Pope. But thats what people do, choose fantasy over reality.

    Same as it ever was.

    • Dallas says:

      Snowden came in second place. The new Poop is very impactful but the jury is still out if he can change the sheeple.

      I agree Snowden should have been picked for this year but on the other hand, Time wants to sell magazines all over the world and the Poop provides more sales opportunity,

      • Tim says:

        “I agree Snowden should have been picked for this year…”

        Dallas?? Have you seen the light?? Because that bit of running your head is not consistent with past diatribes —


        “”I’m not a party sheep. Snowden is a traitor and fugitive criminal by any measure.

        “”What little credit I give him for (seemingly) “having a conscience about privacy”, it gets totally overshadowed by what he did in violating his terms for being entrusted with national security information.

        “”How un-American of you to encourage citizens to join our national defense systems for the purpose of sharing critical information to sworn enemies.

        “”He knows he’s guilty. Otherwise he would have returned by now to face court under watchful eyes.

        “”This guy is a thrill seeker who was inspired by Assange. It’s the equivalent of copycat, celebrity seeking murderers.

        Perhaps, Dallas, I misunderstood you?? I only learned to hate you because of those particular proclivities. People can change. Did you evolve?? Or do you need to update your personna management software as I advised you to do back in june???

        Well, no worries mate. I also like Person-of-the-year to be traitors to NWO, UN, Ad Council, and anybody else who slashes tires of people who dress up in a suit, go to work, and record conversations of virile, young thinkers exchanging pot and pot smoking innovations.

        • David Byrne says:

          Dallas, you may have a bright future in making flippy floppy —-

        • ± says:

          Your cogent summation fails where you at least implicitly, expect a cogent response from someone who has exposed himself as a bona fide sheeple.

          • Tim says:

            Well, I am dangling a gerbil with a silverlock streak of hair down his back — A special kind of rodent; A loving rodent — Let us just call it a ‘carrot’ — a very, very naughty carrot.

          • ± says:

            Jerry Penacoli …. eat your heart out.

          • Tim says:

            Well, Plus Minus; I won’t ask to reveal how to make the this is not right but the command to underline because it pisses our dear mutual friend, bobbo, off so effectively.

            And, just for the record, because I somehow trust you because your avatar is a bold hitler-nsa what-the-fuck?? ; silverlock streak of hard-fought heaven down his back, muther fucker. {excuse my french}

          • Tim says:

            I apologize. I’m most dreadfully embarrased. I think I fell off the water-wagon again. Yu can still go fuk yourself, Dallas; Live long, and prosper, and shit.

        • Dallas says:

          Excuse me but Time Person of the Year has nothing to do with picking a positive figure.

          I still believe Snowden is a criminal and should be executed. Impactful? Yes he was.

          Apology accepted.

      • pedro says:

        I wish something could change your deep enthrallment with idiocy, but nothing can do that miracle, sheeple!!!!!!

      • Tim says:


    • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

      As usual…. Dallas is CORRECT. For all the same reasons that Hitler and Mao or was it Stalin made the cover in past years. Its not the nicest guy in the world but rather the most IMPACTFUL. Seems to me the Poop just regurgitating the same BS propaganda they have been doing for 2000 years just to feather their own nests is not impactful.

      Shows the stupidity of popular media in my book. ((Moreso on my tv?))

      That fruit (not Dallas) is so low, its on the ground.

      • Dummy Up says:

        Bla. Bla. Bla.


        Calling yourself an pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist only proves you have no idea what a DICTIONARY is.

        I particularly like the part about you calling yourself an evangelical anti-theist when it’s so obvious that you’re nothing but a hypocrite — even in that very title! (FYI: a hypocrite is a person who says one thing but does another.)

        About the only difference between you and a church-going lemming is that you simply PRAY differently. That’s it!

        It’s pretty clear you don’t go to a traditional church, and good for you too. But don’t get the idea that your leftists religion is any better. You are ALL mind-washed “sheeple”.

        • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

          Hey Dummy: what am I a hypocrite about?

          Criticism without specifics is just……. kinda stupid……….you know……. Like Pedro without the sombrero.

          Ha, ha.

      • Dallas says:

        Thank you. Clearly, you and I are the only intelligent voices in this amusing but polluted with sheeple shithole.

        Bobbo , it us out civic duty to train these idiots. I fear for our country.

        • pedro says:

          The idiot sheeple thanking the one person who pitied him. Shocker!

          • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

            Oh Pedro!!!

            You are so one dimensional in this multidimensional world. Like stink on shit, always the same, always uninteresting. Your agnification of those with whom you disagree is too one note.

            Dallas: you are totally welcome, and thank you. Yes, to show Pedro the variability that is possible, the stupidity wandering this forum on four hooves is really quite depressing to recognize from time to time. Always missing the validity, humanity, humor of that they move to destroy without the Darwinian Recognition that for the most part their actions would hurt themselves.

            Silly Hoomans.

          • pedro says:

            The only multidimensional things around here are your syntax & grammar error & the ways lemmiwinks destroys DUhllass’ brain everytime he gets inserted

          • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

            Holy Crap Timmmay—YouTube really is becoming a warehouse of full length crappy movies. No take down notices==hah, hah. Even the owners don’t dare.

            Well, the only tangent to the subject at hand that I can think of is that Pedro must have recommended this flick on some other thread? Or did I miss a lemminwink get burned up in a trash can of fire?

            I’m going to go back and watch a few of those flicks. “Infected” looks good for a start. Its one of my favored End of Civilization scenarios.

          • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

            Crap. Its just another shoot the zombies retarded teen flick with horrible continuity and no plot.

            Heres how you can tell you are watching a BAD Flick: even the tits at 12:40 are boring. I must be getting old…..caring what the tits are attached to.

            Hah, hah.

  2. Tim says:

    ‘Tis the season for cheezy Satan Clause NSA parodies.

    “They know who you call and know who you write so encrypt for goodness’ sake…”

    • Dummy Up says:

      Funny stuff! Although I’m not so sure I like the supporters – the ACLU (who’s loyalties lie mostly with whoever can pay them.)

      • jpfitz says:

        “A lawyer is a gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself.” – Lord Brougham

        • Dummy Up says:

          That’s a perfect explanation of Washington D.C.! The only trouble is that the “enemy” and the “gentleman lawyer” are BOTH!

  3. Dallas says:

    NSA + Santa is a marriage made in heaven. It’s about time that Santa uses a reliable naughty/nice source to determine eligibility.

  4. MikeN says:

    Refusing to fund the NSA is treason.

  5. Glenn E. says:

    If shouting, pouting, and crying are the worst things kids can do. Then it’s not going to be hard gettig on the Naughty list, for the vast majority of them. The song is a bit too brief. So conditional words like “too much” or “for no good reason”, got left out of the song. But let’s face it. All kids are going to shout, pout, and cry, sometime. Even adults do it. Ever been to a major league football game? I pity the children who can’t do those three things, once in a while. What’s the crime in that, as long as it’s in moderation, of course. And if it’s too excessive. Then maybe the poor kid needs some professional help. Not threats of Christmas presents denial.

    Yes, I know it’s only a silly song. And it can’t be taken seriously. So let have more of that, eh? Or maybe have a more useful update, for the 21st century. How about, “You better not plot, you better not spy. You better not rampage, I’m telling you why. Homeland Security will cap your sorry ass, in town.” Or something more rhymey.

    • Dummy Up says:

      First, monotheism is a belief in a single god. Whereas polytheism is a belief in several gods.

      It’s most notable when mankind shifted from a mostly polytheist belief structure to more monotheism which was about the same time when Jesus of Nazareth was spreading his beliefs. Actually, a lot longer when you take into consideration the Jewish faith.

      But the one thing that hasn’t really changed in either type of belief structure – nor in all that time – is the belief in magic! Because when you believe in false things like magic, anything is possible – anything! And whenever you make that jump to a magical world it’s not all too unreasonable to think that there just might be one or more all seeing all knowing entities controlling your life and quite possibly your very soul (whatever that is).

      This song is just a reiteration of a magical (false) belief. And it’s not too hard to connect the dots with the magical world when there are real life entities like the NSA telling us nearly the exact same thing! Talk about being brain washed!

      Although most intelligent people might recognize it as one of the oldest lies/jokes in the book: “We’re from the government/church and we’re here to help.”

      …As if there ever was a real Santa Clause, either.

  6. AdmFubar says:

    hhhmm i posted a reply to an nsa story here some time ago that had a similar bent about nsa and sata clause ………. plagiarism lives here on the DV blog… :P

  7. jpfitz says:

    N$A and the one trillion dollar spy org.

  8. How much more can this lunacy go on
    Its like we are snorkeling in fantasy island
    At least Mel Brooks in his comedy made a fantasy of it to laugh it
    The Russians had an understanding about their leadership and knew that they were lying to them
    The American public believes this marketing
    Better to go on a Christmas trip to Cancun
    At least you will enjoy yourself

    • Dummy Up says:

      Mel Brooks was simply an observer who only reported what he saw. For him, it was simple — reality did all the work. ;-)

    • pedro says:

      “The Russians had an understanding about their leadership and knew that they were lying to them”

      Sure! The Russian State decided to serve up the lies directly while at the same time claiming a monopoly for lying, no more middleman.

  9. Dummy Up says:

    I tell you, it’s all the fault of the drug companies!

    I mean, does anyone remember when taking medication made you feel abnormal and out of control?

    Now, it seems, more and more people need medication just to feel normal.

    …That and this blog! Right Dumbass and Boob? When’s your next pointless rambling going to be posted?

  10. orchidcup says:

    I don’t know what all the fuss is about.

    Santa has been spying on everyone for centuries.