It’s come to this. We’ve now had so many mass shootings that entrepreneurs see space in the market for a bulletproof blanket, made specifically to shield small children from gunfire.

The Bodyguard Blanket, made by a company called ProTecht, is a bulletproof 5/16-inch pad, made from the same materials used by our military, except it’s for kids. They even come in different sizes.



  1. Fabby says:

    Duck and cover!
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/54/DuckandC1951.ogg

    Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it…

    • Tim says:

      That Burt’s a smart one. Still, it is recommended to wait 30 years or so for his strontium 90 levels to subside before eating him.

    • ± says:

      Are you saying since these things are essentially worthless, and may only save 1 life in a 1000, that they are not worth buying? <—– rhetorical

      • Tim says:

        I’m saying that they would be less bloody fucking stupid if, at least, they were camoflaged as school desks.

  2. AdmFubar says:

    hhhmm from that logo it also looks like protection from molesting teachers….. o_O

  3. Tim says:

    They look ineffective against staged government operations with flamethrowers, though.

  4. deegee says:

    What I don’t get in all of this is why the USA falsely believes that it should not be subject to the same wackos and crazies and militants as the rest of the world. The USA is even importing them wholesale with the USA’s immigration policies.

  5. jimbo says:

    So why don’t the shooters buy one of these blankets for themselves?

    • Tim says:

      Because they are bloody ugly, orange, fake duckhunter ‘don’t shoot me, please’ expensive crap that the government procurement officer did not approve for their shooters.

  6. MikeN says:

    Liberals love to scare kiddies from their favorite villains like global warming, business, and so on. Now they can add guns to the list.
    So first they will call for higher taxes to pay for these mats. Then they will turn around and use the big expense to say that gun control is needed to save money that can be spent educating kids.

  7. dusanmal says:

    Blankets do nothing to protect against Progressive culture and that, not guns or crazies is what causes dramatic increases in school and other shootings. Culture of absolute moral relativism in which no one is responsible for anything and personal responsibility is an anathema.
    Illustration: 19th Century America – children not only regularly have guns but bring them fully loaded to schools… no mass or even single school shootings; first half of 20th century America – no trace of gun regulation and limitations yet, guns no longer common in schools but any teenager with money can purchase locally any, including “assault” weapon of his/her choice… still no school shootings; third quarter of 20th century America – gun control and (related) general Progressivism creep in. Gun laws, purchase restrictions, registrations, no way for a child to legally get one… school shootings start, be it rarity; since than – dramatic increase in Progressive culture, dramatic increase in legislation, limits, control of everything and anything, including guns. Zero tolerance setup in schools…. school shootings skyrocket.
    It is not guns, it is not even loonies. It is rotten culture that have changed. And yes, BETTER world is one in which teenagers can get guns, can bring them to school loaded and yet culture is such that none of them shoots their schoolmates. Until that time – blanket deception.

    • luddites anonymous says:

      you just hate progress.

    • deegee says:

      Fact check (reality check?):

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States

      Here is just a small sampling of a few select decades:

      1870’s: 12
      1880’s: 16
      1890’s: 11

      1900’s: 26
      1910’s: 14
      1920’s: 19

      1970’s: 24
      1980’s: 31

      I can continue, or you can read about them all yourself at the link above.

      My more scientific argument would be that the “increase” we see has a two-fold causation:
      1. Our current information and media delivery systems are significantly faster and reach worldwide status almost immediately.
      2. We have a larger population, more people = more crazies = more incidents.

      • MikeN says:

        So school shootings are probably caused by global warming.

        • deegee says:

          I would say that school shootings pretty much have not statistically changed when you account for population increase (ie. per capita).
          We are just informed of them more quickly and easily with our current news services.

          Although I am sure that many people will come up with their own wacky theories as to causation, attempting to parallel them alongside some other issue or statistic.

          – increase in technology
          – increase in single-parent families
          – increase in life expectancy
          – increase in sea levels
          – increase in unemployment
          – increase in non-white ethnicity (in USA)
          – increase in illiteracy *
          – Orwell’s Linguistic Reductionism **
          – increase in government
          – decrease in infant mortality
          – decrease in the freedom index

          * Take this Grade 8 test from 1895 and see if you pass:
          http://www.salina.com/1895test/

          ** im txt sux, imho, b4n

    • You’re slipping, dusanmal. The standard line is supposed to be, “It all started when the Supreme Court banned school prayer!” Everyone knows that’s when America started going to hell in a progressive handbasket (woven in China by little communist boys and girls).

      Obviously, the solution to reducing gun violence is to make guns more readily available to anyone who wants one. Who can argue with that kind of clear logic?

  8. Craig says:

    God Bless America! Land of the bullet proof school uniform. Coming Soon!

  9. sargasso_c says:

    Also useful as an emergency floatation device.

  10. I says:

    Dayglow Orange? Not exactly trying to not draw attention to themselves, are they..?

  11. Billy Bob says:

    Waste of money, when you could each student a Glock instead!

    • Billy Bob says:

      *issue each student

    • Just issuing all the students a Glock might be a little pricey, Billy Bob, but certainly we should create a parallel program to the lunch program, so that students from homes with financial hardship could receive a free or reduced-price Glock. That’s an idea worth considering.

      Another possibility is that since school children are getting so much of their reading material from the internet, maybe the underused school libraries can be converted to gun repositories. If the kiddies can’t afford to buy their own handgun, they can check it out for a week or two at a time, using what used to be their library card. Overdue gun fines might be a little harder to enforce than library fines, though.

      These are all great ideas, but I just hope those darn progressives don’t start foaming at the mouth with their crazy rants about how guns facilitate gun violence.

      • jpfitz says:

        Sarcasm, I sure hope so. Yeah must be.

      • Tim says:

        ^^ Flaming liberal. Sarcasm, my ass. You are a bootstamp onto every single solution proven to work. Fuck Off. … anyways, did ya catch the game last night? They say Tom Brady is no longer a factor…..

      • Tim says:

        “”lunch program

        Launch program would better fit; Let them push-to-vote and let it fly after picking a new crossing guard — I recommend rolling out the program during pep rallies.

  12. Peppeddu says:

    These are probably the same folks who were trying to sell parachutes to jump from buildings after 9-11.

  13. deowll says:

    Squat, wait in place while wearing bright eye catching blaze orange. Total brain fart.


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