Here’s one of those email folktales floating around the net. It’s probably complete BS but it is still quite funny and plausible.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,”which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major “airline” that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Found by Mad Dog Mike



  1. huh? says:

    [violation of posting guidelines]

  2. Rob says:

    LOL, true or not, they’re funny! 🙂

    (Just got my own private pilot medical renewed and eager to get back in the air.)

  3. Angel H. Wong says:

    “Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.”

    And they also say that you need a higher level of education to commit a new act of stupidty.

  4. tallwookie says:

    “Cannot reproduce problem on ground”

    rofl!!!

  5. BubbaRay says:

    At Meachum Field and Addison Airport in DFW, I’ve seen my share of these “humorous” replies. It’s a real pain to chase down the maintenance crew and find out if they actually fixed the problem.

    (Aerobatic planes have gyro instruments that will “cage” so the gyros won’t tumble during extreme maneuvers)

    One comes to mind I submitted (from logbook entry 1986, Bellanca Citabria):

    Log entry: ADI gyro won’t uncage.
    Maint. entry: I let the damn thing out at 13:15.

    At $90 per hour for maint., I was not amused.

  6. chris says:

    I dont care of one person say’s “its old and fake”
    Who cares its funny.

  7. Tom says:

    Actually, such lists are called “Squack Lists.”

    And there is no requirement for a college degree to fly a plane or hold a pilot’s license.

  8. tkane says:

    Another list to post outside the ol’ cubicle. Thanx!

    BubbaRay,… oh never mind.But that is alot of money for 1968, eh?

  9. zzap says:

    ‘By the way, UPS is the only major “airline” that has never, ever, had an accident.’

  10. BubbaRay says:

    #7, Tom, did you mean “Squawk lists?”

    #8, tkane, actually, it was 1986 dollars, and still darned high back then. But worth every penny if you had to fly right over the center of DFW airport at 3K-4K ft. to charter from Addison to Meacham and back. Nothing like a snap roll or two right over DFW 35R to give the passenger a rush.

  11. Biff Smith says:

    Yes this are old, I’m in Naval Aviation and we “see” this list every couple of years when a Junior Sailor finds them and emails them out to the entire command.

    #7- that comes from the military as well. It does take a college degree (an Officer) to fly in the military but anyone with a high school degree (in the right rating) can work on them.


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