Nothing teaches kids the importance of following rules like creating pointless ones for harmless fads — protected by free speech provisions of the Constitution (which the school hopefully teaches) no less — that would die out quickly if they said nothing. This will now live on for years and foster disrespect for important rules.

It started like this:

A new four-letter-word has some teenagers in Danvers afraid they might get their mouths washed out with soap.

The word is… meep.

Some say it was those pesky Muppets who started it. Remember Beaker? Some say it was the Road Runner. [...] But Danvers High School principal Thomas Murray doesn’t care who started it, he just doesn’t want to hear it on school grounds. Murray called every student’s home with an automated message and sent out a mass email banning the word from school.

“Please be advised that any student who has the letters ‘meep’ on their clothing or uses the words verbally will face suspension from school…the police are monitoring this situation as well.”

The police? Really?

Little Bo Peep would make the cut at the Halloween parade at Riverside Drive Elementary School here on Friday, but the staff she used to menace her sheep would probably have to go.
[...]
In a school district in Illinois, students are being encouraged to dress up as historical characters or delicious food items rather than vampires or zombies.
[...]
A memo about costume appropriateness sent home recently by Riverside Drive’s principal made the following points:
-They should not depict gangs or horror characters, or be scary.
-Masks are allowed only during the parade.
-Costumes may not demean any race, religion, nationality, handicapped condition or gender.
-No fake fingernails.
-No weapons, even fake ones.
[...]
“This is about staying true to our vision and values, and developmentally appropriate practice, not about being politically correct,” Ms. Farrington said, citing her own memo on the topic some years ago. “We’re about honoring and promoting diversity, not feeding children images of stereotypes.”

No vampires (anti-people with Porphyria), ghosts (scary & makes fun of the dead), witches (anti-Wiccan) and on and on. Is a Glenn Beck crying mask too scary?

And then there are the extremists who either just hate Halloween or think Halloween candy was prayed over by witches.

Speaking of costumes, Elisabeth Hasselbeck will only be wearing clothes that won’t get her pregnant.

First-grader suspended for scouting utensil in school: Zero tolerance or just plain dumb? | NJ.com — This stuff just writes itself. Apparently a parental outcry has made these jerk-offs relent.

It’s a scary world when a six-year-old Cub Scout is sentenced to reform school for bringing a camping utensil to school.

That’s what happened to Zachary Christie, a first-grader in the Christina School District in Newark, Delaware, according to a story in yesterday’s New York Times.

Zachary, who is described by his family and teachers as a serious student who often wore suits to school, was so excited to use his combo fork, spoon & knife scout tool that he brought it to use for lunch. (Might I add that this is a tool very similar to the one Diego includes in his 5 in 1 Camp and Rescue set, which my son has owned since he was three).

The issue isn’t did the kids break the rules, it’s that the lack of discretion those determining sentence on the kids have or use is less than the worst serial killer would get in court. However well intentioned, the results for these kids and society is far worse if intent is ignored.

[6 year old Zachary Christie]’s offense? Taking a camping utensil that can serve as a knife, fork and spoon to school. He was so excited about recently joining the Cub Scouts that he wanted to use it at lunch. School officials concluded that he had violated their zero-tolerance policy on weapons, and Zachary now faces 45 days in the district’s reform school.
[...]
Spurred in part by the Columbine and Virginia Tech shootings, many school districts around the country adopted zero-tolerance policies on the possession of weapons on school grounds. More recently, there has been growing debate over whether the policies have gone too far.
[...]
Critics contend that zero-tolerance policies like those in the Christina district have led to sharp increases in suspensions and expulsions, often putting children on the streets or in other places where their behavior only worsens, and that the policies undermine the ability of school officials to use common sense in handling minor infractions.

For Delaware, Zachary’s case is especially frustrating because last year state lawmakers tried to make disciplinary rules more flexible by giving local boards authority to, “on a case-by-case basis, modify the terms of the expulsion.” The law was introduced after a third-grade girl was expelled for a year because her grandmother had sent a birthday cake to school, along with a knife to cut it. The teacher called the principal — but not before using the knife to cut and serve the cake.

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New York Times – October 2, 2009:

There shall be no cupcakes. No chocolate cake and no carrot cake. According to New York City’s latest regulations, not even zucchini bread makes the cut.

In an effort to limit how much sugar and fat students put in their bellies at school, the Education Department has effectively banned most bake sales, the lucrative if not quite healthy fund-raising tool for generations of teams and clubs.

The change is part of a new wellness policy that also limits what can be sold in vending machines and student-run stores, which use profits to help finance activities like pep rallies and proms. The elaborate rules were outlined in a three-page memo issued at the end of June, but in the new school year, principals and parents are just beginning to, well, digest them.

“We have an undeniable problem in the city, state and the country with obesity,” said Eric Goldstein, the chief of the office of school support services. “During the school day, we have to focus on what is healthy for the mind and the body.”

Unsurprisingly, the rationale is getting a cool reception among students. At Fiorello H. La Guardia High School on the Upper West Side, students are used to having bake sales several times a month. Now, Yardain Amron, a sophomore basketball player, laments that his team will not be able to raise money for a new scoreboard.

Another La Guardia student, Eli Salamon-Abrams, 14, said that when the soccer team held a bake sale in May, his blueberry muffins sold out in 15 minutes. He said of the ban: “I think it’s kind of pointless. I mean, why can’t we have bake sales?”

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A school that hands cigarettes out to pupils has been considering erecting a smoking shelter for youngsters, the Echo can reveal today.

Headlands School in Penarth has confirmed staff discussed the possibility of establishing an outdoor shelter for seven young people on its smoking reduction programme.

The programme enables teachers to monitor pupils’ tobacco intake by locking away “smoking implements” and allowing the teenagers to access them in a controlled manner, even though staff at the school are not allowed to smoke on site.

So, when will schools start handing out other things kids aren’t supposed to have like pot, porn and booze in order to ween them off of these evil items? And will teachers be banned from using them, too?

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I know this will come as a shock to our younger readers, but there was a time when men and women lived in separate dorms. A guy entering a women’s dorm to pick up a gal to take her to the malt shop was carefully controlled and watched. No sex was allowed AT ALL! Astonishing, but true!

There are lots of things roommates fight over

The Office of Residential Life and Learning (ResLife) has added a new stipulation to its guest policy that prohibits any sex act in a dorm room while one’s roommate is present. The stipulation further states that any sexual activity in the room should not interfere with a roommate’s privacy, study habits or sleep.

ResLife’s Assistant Director for Community and Judicial Affairs Carrie Ales-Rich explained that the change comes as a result of an annual review of residential policies that examines the previous year’s trends.
[...]
“We want to make perfectly clear that we do not want to hinder someone from engaging in any personal or private activity,” she said. “But when it becomes uncomfortable for the roommate, we want to have something in place that empowers the residents to have a good conversation with the roommate.”

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On Point – Sept. 15, 2009:

Brenda Voydatch has battled her ex-husband, Martin Kurowski, over the education of their daughter Amanda since she began home-schooling her in first grade. Last month, a Laconia (N.H.) family court judge adopted a marital master’s recommendation that it would be in the girl’s best interests to go to public school in the 2009-10 academic year.

“[T]he Court is guided … by the premise that a child requires academic, social, cultural, and physical interaction with a variety of experiences, people, concepts, and surroundings in order to grow into an adult who can make intelligent decisions about how to achieve a productive and satisfying life,” the master, Michael Garner, said in his order.

Kurowski had testified that “exposure to other points of view will decrease Amanda’s rigid adherence to her mother’s religious beliefs.”

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The net is all abuzz about the murder of James Pouillon, who was protesting against abortion outside a high school in the small town of Owosso Michigan, near where I live. Those in the anti-abortion camp are already calling him a martyr despite no clear motive for the killing at this time.

Plus there’s the fact that the alleged perpetrator, Harlan J. Drake, is said to have killed another person earlier in the day, Michael L. Fuoss, who has no known ties to any anti-abortion movement. Drake is also said to have wanted to kill a local realtor, James Howe, who once again has no such anti-abortion ties.

I have a friend who works in law enforcement from Owosso, and he claims that Drake suffers from schizophrenia. If that’s true (it has not been reported as of yet) then it would certainly seem that any claim to politicize this attack is highly misguided, especially considering we’re only at the initial stage of any investigation.

Despite the lack of any clear evidence one way or another, please feel free to post your pro and con abortion rants in the comments! Thank you.

Update – Sept. 12, 2009: I finally found some confirmation that Harlan Drake suffers from schizophrenia. The major news outlets have not yet picked up on it yet.

Reports of motives for the killings and attempted killing are now being released. It is said that Drake wanted to kill Pouillon because he did not think children should see the graphic signs Pouillon used in his protests. Drake is said to have wanted to kill realtor Howe because he felt Howe had somehow wronged his mother in a business deal. There is still no reported motive for the killing of Fuoss.

And most interestingly, there is still no evidence that Drake was ever involved in or affiliated with any pro-choice organization or movement.

Update 19:30 EST:

According to the Associated Press Drake may have attempted suicide today by “cutting his arm near the wrist.” The report also states that realtor Howe has “fled his home” and is currently out of the area due to the planned attack on his life.

Raw Story – September 8, 2009:

The mother of a Kentucky high school football player is furious over the Christian baptism of her son during what he said was supposed to be a school outing to eat a steak dinner and see a “motivational speaker.”

Instead, Breckinridge County High School football coach Scott Mooney took 20 of his players on a trip to a Baptist revival, where eight or nine of the students underwent the Christian ritual of baptism, according to published reports.

Michelle Ammons, mother of 16-year-old Robert Coffee, said she’s upset that nobody ever asked her consent to take her son to the August 26 religious ceremony. She added that she’s even more upset with the school district superintendent Janet Meeks, who was at the revival and did not object to the coach including his students.

Expelled student sues over “unreasonable” cell phone search – Ars Technica — This is a serious eye-roller.

Southaven Middle School in Southaven, Mississippi has a policy against cell phone use during school hours, as many schools do nowadays. In August of 2008, 12-year-old Richard Wade was discovered to be in violation of that policy after he received a text message from his father (who was traveling out of state) during “football class.” That’s when his cell phone was confiscated by his football coaches and then searched by the principal, as well as the Southaven Police Department. At that time, authorities found what they considered to be extremely scandalous, “gang-related activity”—that is, photos of Wade and a friend dancing in the bathroom at Wade’s home. The friend held a BB gun across his chest while he danced.

Wade was suspended and then eventually expelled for having “gang signs” stored on his phone.

Last week I posted the inspirational story of 80’s rapper Roxanne Shante. She claimed to have earned her PhD, and if that wasn’t cool enough, she made her former label Warner Music pay for it. She claimed that her contract with Warner contained a clause that it would pay for her education for life.

I have to admit as a lawyer I was suspicious. I know that the vast majority of artists who sign with major labels never have any success. It seemed odd to me that Warner would obligate itself to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to a 14 year old who in all likelihood would never earn the company a dime.

Still, the original article had quotes from real people who claimed the contract existed and that Warner paid out on it. So I bought into it.

Fortunately, others did not buy into it. From exposés at Techdirt and Slate we learn that Shante has been lying about being a real PhD for quite a while. Heck, even the original writer of the story, Walter Dawkins, refuses to talk on the record about it. I wonder what he’s hiding?

In a nutshell, Warner denies ever directly having a contract with Shante. It admits that she was signed to a subsidiary of Warner, but that that contract contains no such education for life clause.

The original attorney who drafted that contract states that he would never have put such a clause in a contract.

There is no evidence that Shante ever attended Cornell University.

She did take one semester of classes at Marymount Manhattan College, but never graduated.

After being confronted with evidence that she never obtained a PhD, she claimed to have earned her masters.

After being confronted with evidence that she never obtained her masters, she claimed to have earn her bachelors.

After being confronted with evidence that she never obtained her bachelors, she claimed she earned it under a different name. (I’ve never been to a school where I got to pick my own name. I was forced to use whatever name was tied to my social security number. Mmm…)

We also learn that she’s been calling herself a “doctor” for quite a while. Here’s a link to an old interview with VH1 where she claimed to have earned her doctorate and made Warner pay for it.

As students across America prepare to head back to school, officials and parents are bracing for a spike in swine flu cases. With the possibility that nearly 2 million people will be hospitalized, and 90,000 people across the country could die, one Long Island school district is taking no chances and has set into place a new “hands-off” approach to fighting the swine flu.

Chest bumps. High fives. Hugs and handshakes. Glen Cove Middle School students Ali Slaughter and Hannah Seltzer say that’s what friends do on the first day of school. But when students in the Nassau community return to school next week, the superintendent will be urging abstinence. Everyone from the tiniest tots to the biggest high school football players will be asked to limit skin-on-skin contact in an attempt to prevent the spread of swine flu when it re-emerges this fall.

Fun quote:

Lorena Galo filled out her health form and decided she can’t give up hugging. “We’re still going to hug either way,” she says.

Girl claims injuries inflicted by school officer

Dougherty County School Police are investigating a complaint of excessive force against a sixth grade girl arrested for protesting having her picture taken. Her father shows scratches on 11-year-old Treneashe Graddy’s neck and back. She says she was thrown to the ground and arrested at Southside Middle School yesterday. When school officials tried to take her picture for school identification, she refused because her hair was not fixed. School Police Lt. Laniece Pope tried to force the girl to take the picture, and handcuffed and arrested her when she resisted.

OK, let’s examine the worst case scenario and assume the girl was a little a-hole. So What? Why should she be forced to get a picture ID in the first place?