Do Fairies Live At The Bottom Of Your Garden?
Maybe not anymore, but a recent discovery would suggest that they probably did. What appear to be the mummified remains of a fairy have been discovered in the Derbyshire countryside.
The 8 inch remains complete with wings, skin, teeth and flowing red hair have been examined by anthropologists and forensic experts who can confirm that the body is genuine. X-rays of the ‘fairy’ reveal an anatomically identical skeleton to that of a child. The bones however, are hollow like those of a bird making them particularly light. The puzzling presence of a navel even suggests that the beings reproduce the same as humans despite the absence of reproductive organs.
May I point out that its April Fools Day? I smell a hoaxing.
Of course it’s an April’s Fool joke but you had to spoil all the fun…
[Editor:deleted for violation of guidelines]
I always find it appropriate when April Fools Day falls on a Sunday, when many people are in church.
#4 – Gary Marks,
LOL. I’d add though, that even this obvious hoax now provides more evidence for fairies than exists for a deity.
I, for one, welcome our British Fairy Overlords!
I am in my Garden digging, I am digging, wait what’s this?
It’s ~8″ …., holy shit. Martha get that Camera, quick!
Wait, it alive. It bit me, Marth…tha, Marth…tha he..lp me ….. My fingers, I can’t type any more…….. shit, shit……..
I see that #7 noname has just been victimized in another senseless home gardening fairy attack. How many times does this have to happen before garden gnomes are allow to carry weapons to keep our gardens safe?
Correction to my #8… not “noname,” but “nomore.”
Sorry, I’m getting very sloppy.
A little Sevin Dust will get rid of those fuckers real quick.
Nomore, is in intesive care now at Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering Hospital.
Gary Marks thanks for your advice. We take fairy attacks in our homeland gardening very seriously.
We just brought an Armed Garden Gnome and Zombie Guards off of EBay. We will be training our Elfs in self-defence.
We must fight the fairy on their soil so we don’t have to fight them on ours!
#4 – Gary Marks –
Bam! 🙂
& #5 – Misanthropic Scott –
Kapow!! 🙂 🙂
No, but seriously, y’know what this means? Conan Doyle was right!
I think the dogmatic, closed-minded world of “science” owes Sir Arthur a long-overdue apology.
As long as they come here legally thats all that matters. There taking our jobs.
Your a great American.
Lauren, I never believed in fairies until they turned vicious and began attacking innocent gardeners. Now we can’t afford to not believe in them. Non-belief would surely be our undoing.
Now THIS article is tech-related and pertinent to today’s date.
http://tinyurl.com/2xcv9e
Image – the same computer – same processor – but over time, the MHZ actually drops the more you use the computer. As much as 15% !!! (after a couple of years)
Isn’t it time to negotiate with someone who represents the more moderate fairy elements – like, say, David Gest? Or do you want the fairyists to win??
#15 – Mark Derail
For me, this is a nonstory. For years I’ve been keeping a drip pan under my CPU, and once a month or so I simply pour the megahertzes back in at the top, and my machine is as fast as the day it was built. Just common sense, really.
I believe in fairies… I saw one in a gay bar just last night.
I know, I know… what was I doing in a gay bar.
It’s a JOKE!!!!!
I don’t believe David Gest exists.
The photos have clearly been doctored.
I’m looking forward to Angel Wong’s comment.
#17 LoL. What if it’s true?
#20 – Whatchu mean “if,” Willis?
#19 – From the last time I saw Liza speak, I don’t think the photos are the only thing that’s been doctored – if you catch my drift…
How could he! It’s blasphemy!
Going once… going twice….
Only fairies I know about, are Gay.
This just in…
Forensic pathologists have concluded that the Derbyshire Fairy died of a shotgun blast to the neck region.
At this preliminary stage, Dick Cheney is only being considered a “person of interest” in the investigation, but has already asserted executive privilege to resist questioning. More news as it breaks.
OH no, my people have been discovered. I must warn Michael Jackson.
Sadly Nomore passed away this morning. He is survived by his wife Martha, sons Noname and Noway. A local bereavement fund for the family has been set up.
Doctors at Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering Hospital originally failed to treat Nomore Garden Fairy bite wounds aggressively, misdiagnosed as Tooth Fairy bite marks. Meanwhile Nomore started fainting and getting really sick. After extensive blood test the Doctors actually seemed worried and told me to prepare myself for the worst. Huge amounts of antibiotics where given, to no avail. This is the 5th recorded death from Garden Fairy bite wounds this year.
Please wear gloves when you garden!!! I am told, rubbing garlic on the wound would have saved his life.
I have already been touched by the outpouring of understanding, love and concern friends and strangers have shared. Please keep us in your prayers as we walk in our grief for the loss of Nomore.
A service will be held in our home and his ashes spread in our garden.
Please remember send your generous donations and sympathy cards care of
Nomore bereavement fund
1313 W Mockingbird Ln
Dallas, TX 75247
In case you missed the gist of my link above… the fairy is on ebay.
Currently 33 pounds. (cause of death diabetes?)
15 & 17 – A fine link to a problem with a great and easy solution. I learn so much from this blog it’s amazing, and now I even know why AMD chips are ahead of Intel – they simply steal Intel’s designs and start making them two years in the past.
As for the Garden Fairy problem, Matthew (10) is wrong. Those things thrive on Sevin Dust. The only way I’ve seen to keep them under control is to spread bullshit freely on their nests. That’s why you’ll never find them anywhere near congress or the white house.
My dearest Martha #27,
Thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to find closure even in our deepest hours of grief over Nomore’s untimely passing. It meant so much to us that in his final moments here on earth, he reached out to us with his comment #7, which will remain forever enshrined in the “Dvorak Uncensored Holy Archive” with Perpetual Ad-supported Care and Backup.
Many people overlook the fact that when the Grim Reaper comes knocking, he often brings his brother Opportunity, but your bereavement fund shows that you are not guilty of this frequent oversight. The check is in the mail, as are my prayers. Be brave.
#29 – TJG
“…now I even know why AMD chips are ahead of Intel – they simply steal Intel’s designs and start making them two years in the past.”
Oh, brother. How unscientific can you get? It is a well-known scientific fact that it’s impossible to travel into the past. How could you believe such nonsense?? Absurd.
I mean, it’s so obvious. What they do is, they send spies two years into the future to steal the plans, then produce them in the present.
Travelling into the past… Jeeez. Some people’ll believe anything… 🙂