| I know, I know. Some of you will think this is a scam to skim money from the naive. But this is an excellent, high-tech solution to a perplexing problem that has baffled many for a long time — how to taunt those who doubted your beliefs with a dose of “neener neener neener.” |
Website Lets You Send a Post-Rapture E-Mail to Friends ‘Left Behind’
If millions of Christians suddenly disappear from the face of the Earth as the opening act for Armageddon, Threat Level thinks most nonbelievers will be too busy freaking the hell out to check their e-mail. But if they do log in, now they can be treated to some post-Rapture needling from their missing friends and loved ones, courtesy of web startup YouveBeenLeftBehind.com.
For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when — according to Christian end times dogma — Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist.
“You’ve Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ,” reads the website, which is purportedly run “by Christians, for Christians.” The domain name is registered through an anonymous proxy service, presumably to protect the proprietors from the Forces of Darkness, and not because they’re up to anything shady.
Read the whole article for a comment from the site owner.
I’d go for that, but only if they’d bill me after the rapture. 🙂
What in the world/afterlife makes this in any sense not a scam?
It is every bit as much a scam, and reminds me very much, of the USPO plans to distribute change of address cards for everyone to get their mail after a nuclear attack.
Good planning, or nutballs on parade?
What good will bank accounts be when the World is ruled by the AntiChrist? First thing he’ll do is turn all our money into dog shit and then make us eat it. Almost makes you believe!!!
“Posted by Uncle Dave in General, Technology”
You should really have a category of “Christian-Bashing”.
I’m sure that would be very popular, and it would have thousands of posts in it.
Hey, how come you never make fun of Jews? Is that taboo? Heck, they whirl live chickens around their heads on Kapparot chanting “This fowl is my substitute, this is my surrogate, this is my atonement.” to remove sin.
Or how about them thar folks that Lyndon B. Johnson used to call “Nigras”? They have many amusing traits (e.g., ebonics).
I guess Atheism would probably be completely off-limits, as that “belief system” is sacrosanct here. Plus all the stuff they do (ethnic cleansing, genocide, etc.) isn’t particularly humorous.
Do they hire one Jew or Muslim at this company to “stay behind” and release all the emails, keep the servers running, drain the bank accounts, etc?
#3–Now Mustard==read the post again. Uncle Dave is in support of this service and by extension is supporting the End of Days believers.
Talk about filtering everything thru your own mustard flaked lens of distortion.
BTW–do you ever slather your body in mustard to attack the girls to your sickpack?
>>do you ever slather your body in mustard
>>to attack the girls to your sickpack?
Bobster, I can only hope you’re drunk. The only other explanation is that you’re suffering from some particularly pernicious form of dementia.
“attack the girls to my sickpack”?? wtf?
What kind of Christian value is saying I told you so?
Look out for my new business, it will be a direct phone line to heaven. For $400 per month I will send a “You were right and I was wrong” message to your holier than thou (literally) relations and friends. Of course if they were customers of youvebeenleftbehind.com they will not likely receive your message. I think my business will be a hit amongst the agnostic crowd.
As a short aside I am an atheist and think that this service is beyond obnoxious.
I think Mr. Mustard is being disingenuous. Or is he really gullible enough, so devoted to superstition that he would subscribe to yet another foolish foible?
Mebbe so?
Just turn your eyes, bro’ – like most xhristians do when they see a problem that affronts their morality.
It’s not “I told you so.” It’s “Repent!”
But I too wonder: who’s manning the servers?
#6–Mustard, only one typo there, let me see if I can correct it: “attract the girls to my sickpack.” Yes, now its correct. Let me check again. Yes, thats it.
It might be dementia, I’m not hebephrenic, but I smile a lot. I guess you just get me going with your own posting style. I’m only trying to catch up.
>>Or is he really gullible enough, so devoted to
>>superstition that he would subscribe to yet
>>another foolish foible?
Sorry, moss, I must be a rolling stone. Whatever your point was, I completely missed it. Are you implying that I would sign up for this service?
Sheesh.
Humanist crackpots are easier to find than Christian crackpots, but I’m sure the faithful on this blog would NEVER offend their own faith.
>>let me see if I can correct it: “attract
>>the girls to my sickpack.”
Maybe I need a little E or some Lady K to keep up with you bobster, but what the fuck is a “sickpack”? Is that what they call first aid kits on your planet?
>.I’m sure the faithful on this blog would
>>NEVER offend their own faith.
I think you hit the nail right on the head there, Timbo. Some things are just sacred, even to the non-believers. As Bob Dylan said, everybody’s gotta serve somebody.
Well, everybody would be better served if they kept a notebook filled with such information for use by left back loved ones which could double in case of car accidents and what not.
It could even be digital and set to go by delayed email by yourself?
Why 62 emails max? Why no internet access in the kingdom? Even Marriott hotels have internet access. How do I know the email won’t end up in the junk mail folder and deleted?
This is starting to smell fishy. This service got a 1 star rating on CNET.
#14 Mister Mustard,
The whole point of being a non believer is that nothing is sacred.
While they are few and far between, some people do just serve themselves.
One of the benefits of being an atheist is that there is very little that can be said to offend. If religious folk say whatever they want about science and slander pagans and paynims I see no reason not to say what we think about religion. Freedom of speech and religion should not extend only as far as your front yard.
>>The whole point of being a non believer
>>is that nothing is sacred.
I think you’re missing the point, Noel. For those who believe that God does not exist, their belief is sacred. That’s why you won’t see any “wacky atheist” stories here on dvorak dot org slash blog. It would offend the tender sensibilities of the hip-and-happening, avante-guard, soi-disant slightly dangerous “I’m too sexy for my beliefs” contingent.
Hey, I love your song!
The First Noel, the Angels did say
Was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay
In fields where they lay keeping their sheep
On a cold winter’s night that was so deep.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel!
They looked up and saw a star
Shining in the East beyond them far
And to the earth it gave great light
And so it continued both day and night.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel!
And by the light of that same star
Three Wise men came from country far
To seek for a King was their intent
And to follow the star wherever it went.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel!
This star drew nigh to the northwest
O’er Bethlehem it took its rest
And there it did both Pause and stay
Right o’er the place where Jesus lay.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel!
Then entered in those Wise men three
Full reverently upon their knee
And offered there in His presence
Their gold and myrrh and frankincense.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel!
Then let us all with one accord
Sing praises to our heavenly Lord
That hath made Heaven and earth of nought
And with his blood mankind has bought.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel!
#18 Mister Mustard,
I disagree. There are many wacky atheist stories, and I know that a fair few atrocities have been perpetrated in the name of atheism (see Stalin). I do not believe anything. I think things, and know things, but as I cannot be sure beyond a fathom of a doubt I do not claim to believe anything. I would be happy to laugh at a story about a wacky atheist if you can find one, I can’t comment on the editorial policy of this site, not being a moderator or blogger here.
Also, I have never heard that one before.
More important than sending mail from beyond the rapture is making sure one’s pets are cared for.
The bible is clear. Pets don’t get to go to heaven. So, who will care for your pets after you get caught up in the
rupturerapture?Let Jesus Pets do it!!
You can have the peace of mind of knowing that your loving pets will be cared for after you go bodily into heaven.
This is a wonderful deal for everyone concerned. The pet-loving godless heathens at Jesus Pets get your money now. They are of course betting they will never have to pay out.
But, for those who believe they will be caught up in the rapture, they have a contract with Jesus Pets and, if the religious folks are right, Jesus Pets will make good. It’s a win all around.
Damn I wish I thought of it!!
I’m extremely jealous I didn’t think of this first. Even if only a dozen wackos signed up for this, it would be worth it.
#3 Mr. Mustard
i, for one, don’t make fun of jews because they don’t come to my house trying to talk me into being jewish, nor do they try to pass laws to get their religious beliefs put into my kids’ schoolbooks, nor do they pass laws to try and tell me what my wife and can do with each other after the kids go to bed, nor do they try to tell me what books should be banned, nor do they hand out pamphlets telling me i’m damned, etc., etc., etc.
x-tians, particularly protestants, on the other are constantly pestering me with their nonsense, and frankly are a nuisance
they deserved to be openly mocked.
muslims need to be mocked, because they need to lighten up.
(i am catholic, btw, so i know what it’s like to have my religion mocked, i’m a big boy and i can take, you sir are a baby.)
HELLO?
am i the only person who knows that evil people will invoke the name of god or atheism depending on the prevailing attitudes of the people they wish to subjugate?
tyrants view personal beliefs on the macro-level as tool of control, the substance of those personal beliefs (yes god, no god, or which god) is immaterial.
DUH.
#3 – Mister Mustard,
Don’t you think god has played enough of a joke on the Jews? I think the character of Tevye said it best in Fiddler on the Roof when he said, “God, I know we are your chosen people, but just once, couldn’t you choose someone else?”
Jews are chosen to be the first up against the wall whenever anyone is disappointed with their lot in life. In every generation, people attempt to exterminate the Jews, but the holy shithead, blessed be he, saves (some of) the Jews from them.
How about a holy one who would prevent it from happening in the first place? Why wait ’til 6,000,000 are dead in gas chambers and ovens?
But, yes, the Jewish sect is every bit as good a target for humor as the rest of the subsects of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic religion. Perhaps, just because there are fewer Jews in the world, the stupid shit that Jews do in the name of religion happens less frequently and gets less airplay.
oh, and the truly crazy part?
people have been saying that world is about to end since people first started talking.
guess what? we’re still here.
the latest bloated sack of crap about Armageddon is just that, a bloated sack of crap.
bobbo – It is only a scam if it is intended to profit under false pretenses. While I’m an atheist, I see nothing wrong with this site. Every church in America asks for donations in the form of tithes. Do we shut them all down and call them scam artists, just because we disagree with their religion? Frankly, $40/year is a pittance compared to what most people donate yearly to their local church. Back in the ’80s, I remember my parents donating $5/week or more to our local church. I’m sure they exceeded $100/year in donations.
Moreover, did they ask to be criticized publicly for their beliefs? Methinks not. Non-story, move on.
Just another case of RELIGIOUS NUT-CASES TRYING TO PROFITEER OFF THE NAIVE !!!
When it comes to “Organized Religion” – STAY AWAY, KEEP YOUR CHILDREN AWAY, AND KEEP YOUR WALLET CLOSED !!!
#26–MacGuy==well you defined scam correctly and then failed to apply it. Please reread my post #2 for the details. ACCORDING TO THEIR BELIEF===after the rapture the world is ruled by the AntiChrist. Now, you tell me, with the AntiChrist in charge, of what value will bank accounts, life insurance policies, and the location of the old family bible be?? ACCORDING TO THEIR BELIEFS===absolutely nothing. So, the whole deal is a scam regardless and in every way that you can look at it. How am I wrong?
Nobody asks to be criticized. That is so retarded you must type as poorly as I do==what phrase did you leave out that makes that statement sensible?
I think its a worthwhile story. If you don’t associate with nutbags, how can you get the knowledge for just how wacky they are? Its a portal to a whole different consciousness or lack thereof. Lets stay put and ruminate!
>>Moreover, did they ask to be
>>criticized publicly for their beliefs?
If they’re still around, recommend to them that they NEVER VISIT DVORAK DOT ORG SLASH BLOG.
>>Also, I have never heard that one before.
You never heard “The First Noel”?? Where the fuck are you from, Lubyanka? Who hasn’t heard that song??
Now tell me you’ve never heard
“We three kings of Orient are,
smoking on a rubber cigar.
It was loaded, it exploded..”
I dare ya. I double dog dare ya.