I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week’s election. You’re worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don’t want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you “unpatriotic” simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be “different” or “immoral.” Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love — it’s a wonderful gift.

3. We will not spend your grandchildren’s money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It’s your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.

4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.

5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we’ll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.

6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren’t much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.

10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you — and your employees — that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.

11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don’t put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs (“Blessed are the poor,” “Blessed are the peacemakers,” “Love your enemies,” “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God,” and “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn’t just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism — starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.

12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans — and for the rest of the world.

Signed,

Michael Moore,

I saved Michael’s signature for the end. Some conservatives and religious folk I know — wouldn’t read this pledge if they knew he emailed it, this morning.

No one like that around here, of course.



  1. Thomas says:

    #59

    Thank you from left field Mr. Confusion for providing more proof that liberals simply do not understand economics. Why don’t you try taking Microeconomics 101 and learn the effect of artificial price floors in the labor market (or any other market for that matter). Forcing a country-wide raise in the minimum wage provides no increase in money in real dollars.

    At the very least, do you not see that raising the minimum wage at the Federal level is idiotic? The minimum “living” wage for someone in Manhattan is far different from the minimum “living” wage for someone in South Dakota. At bare minimum, it should be decided by the States.

  2. giap says:

    Yeah — like voting rights, education standards, and every other useful “minimum” that doesn’t mean anything — unless you’re starting out from the bottom.

  3. Doug says:

    More, way more, kids are killed every year *driving* (or being driven) to school than with ANY type of gun……period. Maybe we should ban cars since they’re soooo evil too. Gimme a break!

  4. catbeller says:

    Ye Gods. Rightist have no memory and no brains.

    Your fair-haired boy just murdered six hundred thousand people. Get some perspective. And he accused anyone who pointed out that type of fact of being traitors, liberals, and enablers of terrorists killing us. Consistently.

    Eat some crow. You’re bankrupt, morally and intellectually. You’re naked and haven’t a thing to say for yourselves as dozens of untrained part-time warriors are slaughtered daily — still without necessary armor, three years into it. You won’t see, you don’t care, you won’t shut up already. All you do is piss off still more Americans every time you spew your hate and stupidity.

  5. Mike Voice says:

    Why are all the comments in italic, now?

    Or is it just my computer here at work?

  6. Mike Voice says:

    Oh, Okay. Not every comment. Just from #26 on…

  7. RBG says:

    69. But at least they didn’t assassinate Saddam while he was in power, that would be unethical.

    RBG

  8. giap says:

    I think it’s your box at work, Mike. Or your OS. πŸ™‚

  9. Alsatia says:

    Humm… It is interesting that Michael Moore kind of assumes in the article that everyone in the world believes that a) there is a God and that b) the deity in question is a “he.” I can actually out-liberal Mr. Moore here. πŸ˜‰ Along with millions of other pagan faithful in the world, I think God (should there really be a deity or deities) is more likely to be either genderless, or both male and female.

    Aside from that quibble, I think that if we could all live as selflessly as some of these promises he makes, we’d have one heck of a better world than we do now, don’t you think? (Clean air? Sign us up, please……) Some things he says, like no assault weapons: well, he’ll have to take that up with my heavily armed friend Mary, the best competition shot within 3 counties of me. Rather you than me, Mr. Moore. Rather you than me! πŸ˜‰

  10. jbellies says:

    #23, #44 and #65

    “Conservatives want everyone to have more in life.”

    Since politicians, business executives, and many professionals determine their compensation simply by voting themselves a pay increase, perhaps you three have just suggested the true conservative alternative to a minimum wage.

    Or did the hourly low wage earners just do that with their votes for a different party in charge of those two houses? Criminy, this isn’t a tautology.

  11. giap says:

    #72 — unless, of course, you’re working for the Israelis. Assassination is perfectly acceptable in that “democracy”.

  12. DeLeMa says:

    #62. Or Mike Voice as you will..
    I apologise if you have left this thread and do not see my reply but, I work a couple of jobs and the forum stuff while really entertaining and sometimes educational, does take time from surviving..now, how come I still see italics also ?!? Anyhow, as far as what I meant by can we go from there, I thought that was clear ? “There” is yesterday and everything we did or didn’t accomplish. Move on, work together and for heavens sake don’t quit bellyaching because you don’t rule the world. Someone once said, “if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it”. KWIM ?!? Aside to OhForTheLoveOf, South Dakota is kinda nice to live in but, low population doesn’t mean we don’t need a living wage to pay the same rates for health care that more “wealthy” states seem to afford their citizens. Caveat, here, I’m not much on numbers for many states just the few neighbors we have.

  13. Mr. Fusion says:

    Aside from Thomas’s crude attempt at economics, why have most of the nay sayers attacked the messenger instead of the message? Instead of the sarcasm, why not refute some of his points. If you didn’t know who had written these promises, who would you be attacking?

    Oh riiight !!! Clinton.

  14. joshua says:

    Naw Mr. Fusion…..just Liberals in general πŸ™‚
    I see Italics!!!!!!!!!

    When I read the list I figured it was one of those smart asses over at the daily Kos or Uncle Dave on a roll.
    As for refuting his points one by one….why bother….time(like maybe 2 months) will show most of what he babbles about to be wrong. The Democrats sort of forget their scandals, just like the Republicans will soon forget theirs. The Democrats never gave a rats ass for anyone but themselves when they had control of the House for 44 years, why

    did anyone expect the Republicans to be Nancy Nice for their 12?

    I would be really happy to see someone find a way to stop our guys from dying in Iraq, make us all safe in our homes from terrorists, impose term limits on Federal legislators, NOT steal from the government, return Education to learning and not a social project, stop illegals from coming here in busloads, send home the ones that are here, unless they have a skill, arrest those business leaders who ignore the letters from the SSA telling them some of their employees have bad SS numbers….and on and on.

    Oh, and for the person who thought Eisenhower’s veto’s lost the election of 1960 for Nixon…..reread your history…..dead people voting in Philadelphia and Chicago won that election for Kennedy.

  15. Mr. Fusion says:

    …dead people voting in Philadelphia and Chicago won that election for Kennedy.

    Hey. Them was pretty smart dead people too. But they were lucky, their votes counted. So many other’s, such as recently in Florida and later in Ohio, didn’t have their votes counted.

  16. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #80 dead people voting in Philadelphia and Chicago won that election for Kennedy.

    Comment by joshua β€” 11/15/2006 @ 10:03 pm

    I get tired of hearing this crap… I lived in Chicago many years and on Election day I’d vote six or eight times at various polling places around the city and I never witnessed dead people casting ballots…

    πŸ™‚


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