I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week’s election. You’re worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don’t want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you “unpatriotic” simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be “different” or “immoral.” Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love — it’s a wonderful gift.

3. We will not spend your grandchildren’s money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It’s your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.

4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.

5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we’ll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.

6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren’t much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.

10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you — and your employees — that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.

11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don’t put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs (“Blessed are the poor,” “Blessed are the peacemakers,” “Love your enemies,” “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God,” and “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn’t just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism — starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.

12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans — and for the rest of the world.

Signed,

Michael Moore,

I saved Michael’s signature for the end. Some conservatives and religious folk I know — wouldn’t read this pledge if they knew he emailed it, this morning.

No one like that around here, of course.



  1. Thomas says:

    #1, #2, #8, #11, #12 Hear, hear!

    #3 – Riiight. We’ll see. Liberals do not have the best record with restraining themselves from spending.

    #4 – Bullshit and bringing them home prematurely would be a far worse disaster.

    #5 – So much for #3. I have yet to hear a plan for universal health coverage that made economic sense.

    #6 – Sounds good. I’ll wait to hear the details.

    #7 – Riiight. Again, neither side has the best track record in this department. I simply do not believe the liberals have plan for protecting America.

    #9 – But instead they will fabricate a vaccuous term like “assault weapon” to take your guns away or will make it harder for law abiding citizens to possess and carry guns to protect them.

    #10 – A perfect example of not understanding economics. Raising the minimum wage *hurts* those that would take minimum wage jobs in that businesses will cut back on the number of minimum wage jobs offered. In addition, it encourages the use of illegal labor that is willing to take jobs for less than minimum wage.

    #12 – Although, the liberals are really not any better than the conservatives in this regard.

  2. woodie says:

    I think I understand economics, well, Thomas. I also understand and have experience in retail and wholesale commerce — which you don’t seem to have.

    Retail employers, service industry employers, don’t hire on the basis of — “well, we’ll add or reduce employees on the basis of wages”. You hire the least amount of help you can run with and factor the wage costs into your cost of doing business.

    Historically, every rise in minimum wage has been preceded by weeping and wailing — and followed by employment numbers staying the same or rising.

    Encouraging illegals still should be laid at the feet of employers who deliberately violate labor law. They deserve the sanctions our government withholds.

  3. iJames says:

    You guys sure are an angry lot.

  4. Mike Voice says:

    28 if you’d seen any of Moore’s statements immediately post-election

    Come on, god… You must know I didn’t.. 🙂

    You know Oregon has vote-by-mail, and that I got my ballot in as soon as possible – so I wouldn’t have to pay any attention to the run-up mud-slinging, pre-angst & post-angst crapola.

    I think he often makes it clear he holds the Dems to be as spineless as he holds their buddies across the aisle to be corrupt.

    That is a strong point in his favor, to my mind.

    Now, if he would stop sounding so condecending in his “pledges”… and pledging things which he has no direct control over… I might think he was a little less pompous.

    i.e. #2: “Who you marry is none of our business.”

    Can’t you hear him thinking: “Well, except for polygamysts and those freaks at NAMBLA… We’re not completely crazy, know what I’m say’en?”

  5. Mucous says:

    #31 – You’re absolutely right. I wasn’t going to go into specifics bt that one is very important. The Second Amendment indeed has nothing to do with hunting.

    Rather than banning guns. make gun ownership mandatory for citizenship. We’d be far better off.

  6. Mike Voice says:

    DAve’s…
    12 Well, okay, except for #9.

    Follwed by my…
    27 Yeah, I did leave it un-finished…

    D’oh!

    sorry DAve…

    I jumped to the conclusion you were referring to my comment #9, not to Moore’s #9.

    my bad

  7. Max Bell says:

    How is it you folks manage to get suckered, day after day, and never notice? Wasn’t this an obvious set up? Apparently not.

    Yes, I AM laughing at the people who left serious responses. I feel for you guys, but you’ve really been playing into your own stereotype, here.

  8. Olo Baggins of Bywater says:

    make gun ownership mandatory for citizenship. We’d be far better off.

    Comment by Mucous

    Over-population would cease to be a problem, that’s for sure.

  9. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    I really don’t care about #9

    Gun loons will always be a belligerant gaggle of loudmouths… and since I’m not anti-gun – I don’t care… But anyone who thinks the 2nd ammendment is about Cletus, Earl, and Skeeter riding around in the back of a Dodge Durango with automatic weapons to protect themselves against the tyranny of the state… is an idiot.

    Just an observation… We discuss dozens of posts about absurd political junk every day… The moron who beat up a cop – The idiot who suspended a kid for not answering the test question – The stupid parent who’s kid shot a teacher – etc., so on, and so forth… and ultimately, no matter what side we are on, inevitably a large group of people decide that any number of other people are “idiots” or “morons” or “stupid” or “retarded”…

    So, if everyone is so dumb, why are we so eager to put guns in their hands?

  10. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #38

    For three years I drove a taxi from 6 PM to 6 AM in the inner city, without carrying a gun.

    I realize everyone’s situation is different. But I am reasonably confident that a gun isn’t essential to survival.

    For the record, no one will make it mandatory that I own one.

  11. Thomas says:

    #34
    Apparently you do not understand economics well because the first rule of economics is that there are no free lunches. If the cost of labor goes up, businesses must either raise the price of their product or service, find a way to increase revenue through some other means to make up the additional labor cost, reduce the amount of labor they employ or find some other means to reduce cost to make up for the additional labor cost.

    You are simply pointing out that some companies are at lowest reasonable level of labor already which means they will either raise prices or accept lower profits. The effect of raising prices is that fewer people will be able to afford their product or service. Another possibility is to try to do more with less. That might mean hiring one less waiter or waitress. That might mean overworking some of their existing people. That might mean no giving raises in order compensate for the additional cost. That might mean paying lower wages overall. Either way, raising the minimum wage, in the end, hurts those that would work for the minimum wage.

    #40
    If only this list was a farce. As you can see from some of the responses, liberals are actually serious about this stuff.

  12. Mark says:

    OFTLO- You live in the city, myself in the mountains of Colorado. Here a gun is an important part of life, If for nothing but to scare off coyotes, bears, and mountain lion. Different kind of predator, true, but lethal nonetheless.

  13. DeLeMa says:

    Gee Ma, look at all the axes out there !! Everyone, on either side of any freakin’ issue can find at least one problem or fault with the other, not difficult, agreed ? I read Mr. Moores’ comments more as an idictment of what has gone before and not so much as empty promises any jackass around here knows he hasn’t the ability to complete. Can we all go from there together ?!? That, imho, is the central message I beleive he has attempted to communicate so, take your axes and stik’em and let us gather round the fire ’cause there really are wolves at our door and there ain’t one us can stand alone.

  14. Mucous says:

    If a real majority believes Moore’s nonsense, then the human race really does deserve the extinction we’re all headed toward.

  15. RBG says:

    Michael Moore is inspirational! I get how this works:

    We promise that the world will live in harmony and peace and no child shall go hungry even though you foil our efforts to do so.

    RBG

  16. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #40 – Yes, I AM laughing at the people who left serious responses. I feel for you guys, but you’ve really been playing into your own stereotype, here.

    Comment by Max Bell — 11/14/2006 @ 12:56 pm

    I’m just trying to get edited without looking like I’m trying to get edited. I guess I’m not being imflammatory enough…. 🙂

  17. Stiffler says:

    #42 – “So, if everyone is so dumb, why are we so eager to put guns in their hands?”

    Because there’s a link between hand-eye coordination and an ability to think soundly

  18. woodie says:

    #44 — you haven’t said anything about economics, dude. All you’re quoting is absurd political slogans. “No free lunch”. Well, that should put the fear of revisionist macroeconomics into Leontiev’s ghost.

    99 times of 100 — a company raises prices — what happens is you pay the higher price if you want the product or service. Did you stop buying gasoline went it went over 24 cents a gallon? Did MacDonald’s go out of business when it cost more than half a buck for a meal?

  19. Floyd says:

    #38–well, since most gun murders are domestic violence cases, I suppose “better off” in this case means that the original poster hopes the presence of guns in every house will lower the population.

    I do have a gun in the house, incidentally. It’s an antique percussion pistol that I have no powder, caps or bullets for. That’ll work.

  20. god says:

    It’s been 68 years since the original federal law establishing a minimum wage was passed. The whining has never stopped. The number of people covered by the legislation continued to expand.

    And I venture to say most folks here — reflecting upon this bit of economic history — would consider minimum wage a hell of a lot less influential on the course of our economy than, say, the manufacture of outdated products, thieving corporate managers or dedicating billions of dollars to voodoo economics and senseless wars.

    But, hey, we all understand that some people couldn’t make it through the day without having some tiny pernicious worry to convince them to hate someone in a lower tax bracket.

  21. bob says:

    For the record, when Clinton said that Saddam was a threat during the Iraq crisis, it was because the Iraq Republican Guard was found to be at the root of a foiled attempt on Bush 1’s life.

    The important thing here is that this was based on ACTUAL INTELLIGENCE, rather than Bush 2’s clear LACK OF INTELLIGENCE (pun intended).

    When Clinton sent troops into Somalia, he stated at the outset that he would keep the troops in for 6 months, after which it was the UN’s job to protect the peace after that time. He did exactly that.

    It’s so nice now that the Neocons have been shown that this country has almost no faith in their failed policies. I revel in the sound thrumping that the Republicans took! Now we can get back to a balanced budget (which we had BEFORE the Shrub), advance stem-cell research, raise the minimum-wage, and take care of problems at home. For a change.

  22. Max Bell says:

    49: Oh, not at all. Clearly, you see this for what it is. Whole thing is really kind of stunning, though. They really don’t seem to understand what happened.

  23. Thomas says:

    #51

    “Dude”..”No free lunches” is a colloquial way of saying that there are always costs to every decision. What do you think happens when that company, most companies, raise their prices? The value of the additional money gained by a minimum wage earner is negated by the additional cost they must pay for goods and services. Increasing the minimum wage makes it harder for employers of minimum wage labor to employ those folks, provides additional incentives for companies to move operations offshore (those where it is possible of course) and inflates the cost of doing business in the US. Furthermore, there are many areas where you do not see the effect of increasing the labor cost. Items such as reduced bonus figures, capital expenditures that are delayed, reduced employment at the corporate level.

    If employers are already paying their employees at or above minimum wage, then it raising it modestly clearly won’t matter. However, in the long run it won’t help either. The MARKET should be the one that determines the wage not the government. In the short run, for minimum wage earners that do not lose their job, they clearly benefit. However, in the long run, rasing the minimum wage ends up hurting more than helping.

  24. OhForTheLoveOf says:

    #45 – OFTLO- You live in the city, myself in the mountains of Colorado. Here a gun is an important part of life, If for nothing but to scare off coyotes, bears, and mountain lion. Different kind of predator, true, but lethal nonetheless.

    Comment by Mark — 11/14/2006 @ 1:29 pm

    When I talk about gun nuts, please don’t assume I mean everyone who owns a gun. There are many guns in my family and I am not too bad a marksman myself. I’m really talking about an especially zealous bunch of fruitcakes who hold a gun the way they’d hold the baby Jesus.

    In my limited time in places like South Dakota (a beautiful state, by the way) I gained a better insight into the importance of the rifle as a tool in the hands of a rancher. As the son of a cop, I appreciate the value of a handgun on the hip of an officer. And as a devotee of the US Constitution, I appreciete the 2nd Amendment.

    But we must be careful when we evaluate the many voices that weigh in on gun related issues… some of those guys are fetishists when it comes to guns. Their views are emotional, unreasoned, irrational, and probably ought to be discarded in favor of the rancher, the cop, the Constitutionalist, and any other number of rational opinions.

  25. Mr. Fusion says:

    #44, so I am very impressed with your knowledge of economics. Typical Republican, supply side, neo-con economics. Your whole answer is based upon the rest of society subsidizing the low wage paying employer so that he might enjoy earning more profits. You missed your first rule.

  26. Shadowbird says:

    WHAT!? Michael Moore actually said something that made sense for once?

    *looks out his window to check for a white, red, black, and pale horse, each with a rider*

  27. Mr. Fusion says:

    #58, OFTLO,
    When I talk about gun nuts, please don’t assume I mean everyone who owns a gun. …
    I’m really talking about an especially zealous bunch of fruitcakes who hold a gun the way they’d hold the baby Jesus.

    So very well put.

  28. Mike Voice says:

    46 I read Mr. Moores’ comments more as an idictment of what has gone before…

    So do I.

    46 …and not so much as empty promises any jackass around here knows he hasn’t the ability to complete.

    How is that possible? That’s exactly what they are – empty promises he hasn’t the ability to complete.

    And, he’s asking visitors to his website to “sign” the pledge – so even more people can feel good about signing a pledge they can’t deliver on.

    46 Can we all go from there together ?!?

    Where to…?

  29. Bob says:

    Have a gloat feast. Republicans still have the white house and you have a veto that might actually get used.

  30. moss says:

    Uh, Bob — you might just get your wish about the veto — and you may learn something about using the veto political amateurs don’t realize. It can come back to bite you on the ass the way Bush’s stem cell veto did.

    A tactic that worked very well for JFK’s run-up was that Democrats deliberately pushed Eisenhower — as a lame duck — into using his veto, again and again. He ended up vetoing more legislation than any prior president. And that was used as a campaign aid against the Republicans.

    Of course, it would take a Democrat-controlled Congress with guts enough to do that — and I haven’t any more confidence in that than does Michael Moore.


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