Poisoned pigeons began nose-diving into pavement and dying on downtown sidewalks, marring the city’s annual festival.

Authorities cleaned up more than 25 sick or dead birds that apparently had eaten poisoned corn from the roof of a nearby bank branch.

“The death of these pigeons was more than an unfortunate accident,” local Capital One Bank President Lacy McMillen said in Tuesday’s online edition of Texarkana Gazette. “It was not the intention of the bank to harm any of these birds.”

McMillen said the bank hired an exterminator to handle its pigeon problem after a bird entered the bank and defecated on a customer.

The company, which hired Anti-Pest Co. Inc. of Shreveport, Louisiana, said its goal with the treated corn was to sicken pigeons, so they would leave the rooftop. Death was sometimes an unfortunate side effect, company president Jarrod Horton said.

“An unfortunate side effect”. This guy qualifies to write copy for politicians.



  1. RM says:

    I’m not going to comment on whether or not the birds should have been killed, I don’t really understand the situation there and maybe there are so many pigeons it’s a plague, but there’s one thing that seems really absurd:

    “It was not the intention of the bank to harm any of these birds.”

    This comment is just mind boggling. The bank’s intention was quite clearly to harm the birds – to make them sick – in order to disperse them.

    How high or stupid does a person have to be in order to believe this line?

  2. Tim says:

    Yeah, that’s clever.

    `Capital One: we don’t just shit on you from a great height, we send the whole pigeon!!’

  3. Oil Of Dog says:

    “It was not the intention of the bank to harm any of these birds.”

    How high or stupid does a person have to be in order to believe this line?

    Mission accomplished!

  4. Mr. H. Fusion says:

    This answer should get him a job offer by Donald Rumsfeld.

  5. Floyd says:

    Paging Prof. Tom Lehrer…your services are needed in Texarkana.

  6. Marl says:

    Tim

    you made me spew milk from my nose, HA!

  7. John Paradox says:

    Okay, Lehrer fans… all together.

    Gee.. and I remember when he quit doing his parody/satire songs because the real world was getting too weird.

    “Poisoning pigeons in the park on the bank.

    J/P=?

  8. spsffan says:

    The funny thing about Prof. Lehrer….in class, he wasn’t very funny. I took a statistics class from him at UCSC in 1980-81. He was only funny once, but then again, what can you do with statistics?

    He was of course, a great wit if you ran into him outside the classroom, and I had already memorized most of his songs before I got to out of high school.

    Oh, and he claimed that satire was dead when Henry Kissinger got the Nobel Peace Prize.

    Regards,

    DAve

  9. Gyro Gearloose says:

    There is a slightly more humane way to get rid of the birds. You have to catch them. Once caught you stick a cork up their behind and in 24 hours the birds blow up and self destruct. No poison required and with luck the corks are reusable!

  10. Rich says:

    Can we fit them with little parachutes?


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