Ain’t technology great? What’s the weirdest app you’ve got, heard of, wish existed?

As a tech writer, I get pitched a lot of bizarre, head-scratch-inducing apps. But this afternoon, I received what is perhaps the strangest one yet: An app that uses the iPhone’s microphone to detect whether or not a watermelon is ripe when you knock against it.

Yes, it’s a watermelon ripeness detection app, and it is available now in the app store. No, this is not a joke (as far as we can tell, anyway), and yes, it costs $2. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to knock the ever-loving pulp out of your watermelon while holding your iPhone next to it, because the Melon Meter is here. (Note: Android version not available).

After you’ve downloaded Melon Meter and reexamined your life and very existence, you are ready to use the Melon Meter. The app first takes you into a Melon Meter tutorial before it allows you to use the meter, because God forbid someone use this thing incorrectly.

After 2 years of research and development [editor’s note: Two years?!?!], we have developed a tool that will help you find the most ready to eat melon in the store. This tool, or software algorithm, allows the iPhone to analyze the decay rate (the time it takes for a sound to end) of the signal produced by thumping a melon. We have determined that “ready” melons have a unique “decay signature.” Melon Meter analyzes the sound, and tells you if you have found a melon with the “decay signature” that corresponds to a “ready” melon.

  1. foobar says:

    Now that’s a nerd. Not a geek, a nerd.

    God bless the nerds.

  2. Hyph3n says:

    3… 2… 1…

  3. Hyph3n says:

    ::insert inappropriate sexual reference here::

  4. ECA says:

    I would like an IR and UV indicator..
    A device to spot Auto focus on MOST NEW spy cams.

  5. What? says:

    The question is: after the collapse, how SHOULD we have spent our money instead of buying this worthless crap?

    A penny saved is a penny earned twice.

  6. Gazbo says:

    #6 – Guess you never heard of “plugging” – sort of like a core sample; works great, and you never get a bad one.

  7. jdmurray says:

    #6 I’m working on a Kirlian Photography app that tells you how much pain the melon is in. High pain = less water = not ripe.

  8. wirelessg says:

    Works on Presidential candidates too!!

  9. Peppeddu says:

    You gotta physically “knock” on the melon?

    Yack!! that’s so 2010, I would expect, at least, the app to analyze the melon by sending sound waves through the speaker and then analyzing the return echo.
    And then the app should also tell me how much time I have left before the melon goes bad.

    Come on, they can do better than that!!!

  10. JimD says:

    Watch Out !!! The “Fundies” may take “Melon Testing” in the wrong context and accuse you of being a pervert headed straight to Hell !!!

    See the first story today …

  11. Mr Fog says:

    (Note: Android version not available).

    Not so much crapware in the Android market.

  12. bobbo, how do you know what you know and how do you change your mind says:

    I like melons and eat them in season. Same store, same supplier, two weeks ago I got the best melon I have EVER had: deep red pulp and almost too sweet all the way into the yellow rind. Fantastic seeded melon. One week later: melon was a pale pink, pulp had a slightly bitter taste.

    Does the season for melons last one week and thats it? I select trying to get the melon with the smallest yellow patch on the outside skin. I think it was “ripe” just not sweet. Is that different or the same thing?

    I can tell when cantaloupe is ripe by the smell test–it smells ripe. I don’t think a “thump” test works on any melon and watermelons don’t smell.

    Makes buying half melons a good deal?

  13. Special Ed says:

    I’m waiting for these apps:

    Is she a triple input?

    Is she the community pincushion?

    Will she boil your bunny?

  14. CrankyGeeksFan says:

    There was an iPhone app to clear up acne. It was supposedly written by a Texas dermatologist, I think.

  15. Dallas says:

    The “Gay Cure” iPhone App written by Christian Taliban ministry, Exodus International still ranks as the most bizarre.

  16. rancher dan says:

    Watermelon ripeness test: Pick a watermelon that doesn’t have another one sitting on top of it (that seems to ruin the test). Give it a rap like you’re knocking softly on a door. The duller the thump you hear the riper the melon.


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