A call comes in pitching for insurance, scams, home repair, etc using a robot caller. They always want me to press 1. I do.
It rings through and before the person can say anything I ask if they have a pen and the conversation usually goes like this:
Me: Do you have a pen?
Them: What?
Me: A pen, do you have a pen. I want you to write something down.
Them: Yes, ok.
Me: Ok, write down noagendashow.com. All one word, dot com.
Them: What is it?
Me: It’s an internet radio podcast.
Them: What’s it about?
Me: You’ll like it. It’s about politics and news.
Them: Oh, ok.
Me: Thanks. (click)
I’m trying to convert the boiler rooms of America!

  1. OccO says:

    Good one John!

  2. TheSez says:

    Nice. Can’t wait for the next robocall. Thanks John. Any slave not doing this is a douche bag.

  3. Mike-Linux-NL says:

    Haha, well done JDC!

    You should have hung up, with the words: In the Morning!

  4. Ding-A-Ling says:

    Sounds like you have an agenda! …To get more listeners!

    But are you sure you want those human scum telemarketers and other boiler room robo-slaves tuning in? Won’t that kill your slightly above average demographics?!

    Of course, I have to admit I havn’t listened in quite a while – I usually don’t have the TIME!

  5. fishguy says:

    “ring ring”
    me: “Hello?”
    Caller: “Mr. Fisher?”
    me: “Yes?”
    Caller: “How are you today?”
    me: “Great. Thanks for checking” Click

  6. Doncha Calmy says:

    A great opening reply to the human pitchman is, “I have no money”.

    By the time you say “I am no mon…”, most will hang up. If not, repeat.

  7. sargasso_c says:

    I do the rambling old man who can’t hear what they are saying but wants to complain about how his feet hurt and how the country is going to hell.

    • msbpodcast says:

      Careful, the Bombay call-monkeys are paid by the hour on-line/on the phone.

      The longer they can keep a live person the the line, the more they can charge.

  8. bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

    1. Why don’t you fix CageMatch so that people can register there … so the readership increases ….. so they can see your sidebar advertising the existence of the noagendashow?

    2. Why don’t you fix the No Agenda Show so that an outline can clue the more casual, not the devoted, listener to topics of interest?

    Funny story but completely ineffective to driving traffic to your show.

    If you are happy and you know it….. clap your hands.

    • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

      That is a bit blunt. Just go with the substance being recommendations for other ways to increase your traffic.

      Note that any rise or fall in traffic will only be correlations. Yes, our hopes and dreams are limited by reality.

      Yea, verily!

  9. Mextli says:

    Why can’t I see these two graphics, one in this article and one in the article before posted by JCD? Is it because of the “WWW”?



  10. Tim says:

    Crap. Here come the listeners from India. I guess, saying ‘good cow’ is right out now.

  11. dadeo says:

    JCD enlightening the annoyers..

  12. ivan says:

    One bo(il/n)er at a time!

  13. Stopscams says:

    Back 15 years ago, I always, got time share phone calls. I had time, back then, to screw with them.

    I had won something and I had to go and pick it up. I asked if my life partner Ralph, could come up too. He said sure. Then I asked something else and my my life partner RALPH could help.

    Now the scamer heard me. He said that they will ship the prize to me, so I did not have to come and pick it up.

    The phone calls slowed down for awhile.

    Back then no one talked about being gay.

    BTW how do I submit a idea for a story?????

    • msbpodcast says:

      BTW how do I submit a idea for a story?

      The nearest I’ve found to instructions is to write it on a square of purple paper, leave it on the right-hand side of your windshield and pray to Baal.

      Apart from that, I have No Fucking Idea!

  14. Stopscams says:

    If my writing is not as clear as it should be. I have non alcoholic liver cirrhosis. It causes high ammonia levels in my blood and mind.

    Please forgive me.

  15. bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

    Is it too far off tangent to note that 3 years ago I gave up my standard phone service and went for the cheaper Comcast Package. I didn’t want a phone at that time but the Package with the Phone was cheaper than the package without the phone. Then one year ago, I dropped the phone package and went with Skype. I now have cheaper cable and internet AND no spam calls at all.

    Life is quiet and peaceful. Cheap too.

    • Mr Diesel - If I had a President he would look like Ronald Reagan. says:

      The paid for Skype package or just free? My problem is the alarm system although I may have that fixed. I just ordered a system with a built in SIM that calls the Po Po and texts me.

      • bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

        When I signed up, I could not find a free service. Skype required a $10 deposit and I am charged pennies per minute for outgoing calls. After a year now, my balance is $9.30.

        I do see free Skype plans now and competitors as well. No one mentions poor sound quality on my calls. I have stopped raising the issue myself as only 25% said I sounded a bit off but ok. Ok is Ok by me.

        My only issue was/is not being able to make 911 calls–but–my local po po has a regular number Skype CAN call that connects to the 911 system. … Sweet! I think all other issues like text messaging etc will get ironed out eventually. Good luck with that… its good to have full functionality on basically a free basis instead of “basic plans” that I could find no cheaper than $30/month.

        Its good to “keep up” with technology, but not to slavishly follow it.

        • Mr Diesel - If I had a President he would look like Ronald Reagan. says:

          Much like everything else I pay too much for our damn land line is $55/month for nothing special (CallerID). Thanks, that’s why I asked.

  16. Chris says:

    Rock on, JC!

  17. Greg Allen says:

    I never buy anything over the phone (unless I initiate the call.) _never_

    But, I don’t like being rude to the telemarketers since being rude makes _me_ less happy (it’s midwestern thing.)

    So I say in a pleasant voice but without a breath:


    But, I don’t need to do this much anymore.

    The no-call list is another example of how government regulation can makes our lives better.

    My robo-calls are much lower when my name is on this list. Much lower. From every night to one or two a month. You gotta love government!

    • Joe says:

      You are very lucky. We have been on the DNC list for a couple of years now. The calls have increased, and the Telemarketers are rude as hell. I had one the other day..

      Telemarketer.. “Hi is this Joe Smith?
      Me: “How did you get this number?
      Telemarketer: Huh?
      Me “How did yo get this number?”
      Telemarketer: “From the do not call list”

      All of um are scum..

  18. Greg Allen says:

    I’m sure most of you have heard that prank where the telemarketer is made to believe he has called crime scene.

    But, if you haven’t, Google for it. It’s old but still the best I’ve heard.

  19. Mr Diesel - If I had a President he would look like Ronald Reagan. says:

    Google: Tom Mabe and Crime Scene. It is an old Bob and Tom excerpt.

  20. Kyle Bandy says:

    I have begun filling out that Business Reply Mail cards and envelopes with “NoAgendaShow.com”.


Bad Behavior has blocked 6241 access attempts in the last 7 days.